Why am I fat?
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Breaking 200 Team had a thread "Why am I overweight?" I brain dumped the answer on the thread and decided to make it my blog today.
I wasn't always fat. I was a pretty skinny little kid, judging from the pictures. There was a bully girl on the street where I grew up who had been the baby girl of the neighborhood, then three girls came in the same year, including me. I was the only one of the three without a big brother and was easy to make cry, so she rallied everyone to pick on me. So I stopped playing outside as much and turned to reading. Made me wicked smart, but I got a little chubbier. I am also predisposed to be busty, and woke up with a C cup in the 4th grade. This was the 70s and the girls from ABBA were the ideal of beauty. My mother was very thin (less than 100 lbs) so she would make comments about my weight. My best friend was an anorexic and also weighed less than 100 lbs all through high school, she admits to the anorexia now. So I was "fat" in high school (128-132 lbs). I refused to shop in the misses section because even sizes meant you were fat. I was wearing 13/14 when I should have been wearing size 6 or 8. I played soccer and I was on the varsity track & field team, so I was in pretty good shape.
Then I moved to the midwest, got divorced and quit smoking, all at the same time. Back East someone would have told me to back away from the buffet, in the midwest no one mentions that you have picked up a few pounds or 80. I was already wearing over-sized clothes and elasticized waistbands and lived in a house where the only mirror was on the medicine cabinet. I already saw a fat girl in the mirror since I was ten, so when a really really fat woman showed up I didn't pay attention. We ate out most nights because we were tired. We nearly always splurged on appetizers and desserts and I didn't have time for exercise.
Now I'm just lazy and I don't feel like cleaning off the treadmill (we keep a IKEA mattress on the track because the twins like to use it like it's gymnastics equipment and the mattress acts like a pad). I don't usually plan my meals, and when I do I am just not "feeling" what I prepared. I know what I need to do, I just don't usually feel like doing it. I need to break the hold of inertia.
That is why I am fat.