I love my craziness
Thursday, February 24, 2011
UPDATE: Made the hummus without the tahini and I like it! I'm a very bland person so I just added lemon, olive oil, salt, and garlic and it's delicious! Portioned out 1/2 cup portions into my little 1 cup tupperwares so I don't go overboard!)
I read an article in Oprah magazine the other day that I absolutely loved. It was a story about a mom who was driving with her kids in the car and witnessed an accident. She stopped and got out and went over to help the crying, screaming lady who was not hurt but terribly shaken and panicked. The mom stayed calm, gave the lady some water and a handi-wipe to clean her face and hands, and called 911. She was cool and collected, stayed with the woman until the police got there, and got back in her car and left. She said that she was the calm and collected one today, but that next week she could be the panicked woman crying next to her totaled car. That every day she is not always calm and collected. That there are days where her infant is crying, her toddler won’t wear underwear and she hears her stepson complaining. Days where her husband isn’t as helpful as he could be and her hair is a mess and the dog wasn’t fed and laundry is piled to the ceiling but she has ten seconds to get her daughter to dance class. And then there are days where she has time, and the baby is napping and her toddler is playing quietly so she has time to work out and shower, do her hair and get the laundry done, and then have a glass of wine with her husband after dinner. And I just loved this article because it described how we can’t be calm and collected all the time, although we should be at certain points just like she was when she witnessed an accident. It really conveyed LIFE well, that you’re not always going to have everything under control, that days will go by where the sink is overflowing and the garbage is full and your hair is a mess but you sit down anyway and watch your tv show. And at the end of the article, she said she loved her crazy life and wouldn’t trade it for the world because its HERS and not everyone can say that they have all this craziness AND still have family and friends who love them.
This article really spoke to me. I do a lot of complaining lately and I am definitely very aware of it now. My boyfriend is away for a week and I do so much thinking when I am alone which isn’t always a good thing. But I realized ALL I do is complain. And last night on the phone with him, I said that I do love our crazy dysfunctional life. My dog is an emotional wreck with a weak bladder and serious attachment issues, but today I had a lot of fun with her when I walked her. She was just SO happy to be out in the sunshine and was trotting like she had never been happier. Then she stopped and looked at me and came running over and jumped up on me. And when I bent down she put her paws on my shoulder and sighed as if to say “Mom this is so much fun, I love being outside. Thank you.” I know I sound insane but she really does thank me. And I yell at her sometimes, and get mad at her and frustrated if she pees on the carpet or knocks over the garbage, but I love her more than anything. Same with this house. Something is ALWAYS broken, it’s always 50 degrees in my living room, the kitchen always smells like pee, and the water heater doesn’t work all the time, but it’s my home. Matt and I have so many memories here, we’ve built our life together starting HERE. When we are married with kids living in a house somewhere else we will always remember the little trailer we started out in, and how all the furniture is from a thrift store, how we spent our time together watching our shows in the living room, and the places we’ve….hung out… here lol. And even him specifically. I would pay him 100 dollars if I had it to hang up his coat, to put away his shoes, to fold his underwear, to do his laundry, or even just throw out his cans of redbull, but he’s my Matt. He makes me feel protected and loved and even with some issues lately I realize and see that he is the love of my life and I’d be very stupid to ever let something as dumb as housework come between us.
I’ll stop rambling now, but basically what I am trying to say is I am vowing from now on to complain less. I can’t promise I won’t ever complain but I need to just be grateful. I took my car to get an oil change and the guy asked me why the fog-light is shoved into the grill. I said it broke off and that was the only way to keep it from dangling under the car. So when my fog lights are on, the light shines straight up in the air instead of forward. And the hood doesn’t stay open, you have to use a big wooden stick that’s in the trunk to keep it open. The windshield wipers are old and don’t work and it kind of smells like gasoline and makes screeching noises when I turn. But that car keeps me working and going and gets me everywhere I need to be. And I love it. So from now on I will try very hard to see the positive, look past the negative and be happier with the blessings I do have.
This week I am alone because Matt’s away, and it always goes the same way. The beginning of the week I miss him, and I never stop missing him but I adjust by Wednesday and by Thursday I start to enjoy the solitude and the house staying neat. But it is a wake up call to show me what it would be like to live alone. I wouldn’t love it but I know I could manage. Food shopping today was brutal. Money is tight right now for me. I had a few bad tip weeks at work and I have been giving Matt more money because now he is paying my car insurance. So I really am broke for like 2 weeks after he cashes the rent check. It just keeps me motivated to keep going to school. I am not broke, but wish I could shop for spring clothes. I eventually will, a little bit at a time and using lots of coupons, I just have to be patient. But I definitely feel very independent and strong willed when I am alone. I keep going with my lifestyle of going to the gym and eating right. It kind of goes to show I don’t need anyone there to push me (Matt doesn’t push me anyway. I don’t think he’d care if I went to the gym or not). It just makes me feel good about myself. Oh and less dishes! Lol. No but I miss him and really wish I didn’t have to wait until 8 tomorrow night to see him.
Today I was going to make my own hummus. But the one ingredient I didn’t buy was tahini. I don’t know if anyone knows where I can find some for cheap, but when I went to look for it, it was almost 6$ for a jar the size of a regular peanut butter jar. And I hate buying something so expensive for ONE night and I don’t even know if I will like it. So I might still try to make it. I was going to have some chicken tonight and try cooking it with the vegetables in tin foil. I’ve never tried it before so I’m curious. I bought zucchini and will probably have carrots with it also. I also picked up steel cut irish oatmeal because someone recommended it to me. I think I might make a batch tonight and keep it in the fridge since tomorrow starts my workweek technically. I’m always looking for new breakfast ideas. It’s sad I am excited to have a fiberone whole wheat English muffin tomorrow. I am a weirdo.
Lifted some heavy weights today and kind of regret it. I just never have a day where I go to the gym and DON’T have to be somewhere right away. I usually go before work so my time is limited. So I kind of took my time today. I ran for 45 minutes at 8 minute mile for the first time. That’s 6.8 MPH and I have it on an incline of 2.5 which I have estimated it like a 15% incline. Spark says I burned 900 or so calories. Whether I burned that much or not, it was definitely a workout. And then I did machines and was able to take my time trying new exercises, and then did some ab work doing sit ups and bicycle crunches. I am actually beginning to get very proud of my abs. They are the only strength I do EVERY day. I alternate days with my legs and arms, but abs I do every day. I need to be ready for a bikini!
BUT and you will all be proud of me, I have been forcing myself to NOT work out Saturdays. One day a week I need the rest and although I tell myself no, you should work out, I don’t. I think it’s for sanities sake and I try to tell myself if you don’t work out Saturday you won’t be able to wait to go Sunday which is true. Sundays I always love getting up to go to the gym since I skipped the day before. So I am trying to take care of myself more. I’m still obsessive though and that’s something I will talk about with my therapist to make sure I keep this as a lifestyle and don’t burn out.
Have a good weekend everyone!