My Son Joe
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Morning, don't ask why I've decided to write about Joe is my oldest.
He has so many of his dad's personality traits. He and I were always at ends with each other, through all the dark times of my divorce from his dad. Of course this caused much conflict. Him always wanting to hurt me over some perceived slight. I always trying to get inside his head and trying to understand why.
About 8 years ago he was acting his usual self with friends and family here at the house. I guess I decided that that was finally enough....I asked him in front of everyone, as they looked at him, why he continually wanted to hurt me by his comments ALL the time?
I then told him if he could not behave himself to leave. I would not tolerate this behavior any more, and would walk out when he acted this way. As he was in MY house, he had to leave now. Of course he got mad and mad a bit of a fuss, but he left.
Over the course of a few years, when family issues necessitated me being there with him present, and he started acting out, I just got up and left the gathering. I even left my brother's second wedding during the reception, because he became hateful. I was so hurt that time, one of my other sons asked me to come back in and enjoy myself. I was crying at this point and said I really sorry but I can not go back there. That I would NOT be treated this way anymore by Joe, that he needed to understand that , and behave.
It took awhile before he realized that I would not allow him to hurt me in this way anymore. After some time, there came a time where we had to be together for some time alone during a family issue. I told him how much I loved him, and that I wished things could be better between us, because I did not want this type of relationship to be between us.
For whatever reason he opened up to me about things that had been bothering him about the divorce from his dad. We cried and promised to work on having a better relationship.
It is much better now. He still has a very edgy personality! I must admit that the whole family is rather sarcastic which is not a bad thing in and of it self! It helped us all get through so much, LOL ! We are much better now though, when I feel he starts to cross the line I just look at him and tell him to behave, usually with a smile.
He and my daughter in law are trying to get pregnant. She has had 2 miscarriages. It is such a sad time for them. I am trying to be very supportive without crossing some imaginary line to meddling. Sometimes it is hard, as she does not have a good relationship with her mom, and I want to step in and nurture her.
Families are such complicated things. Such fragile, complex beings we are!
I pray for them as they navigate this time in their lives. He is My son and I do love them both. I am so ready for a grandchild! :)
To my Son Joe, Love Mom.