EM_CLARK1
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Today is the Day

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Today I went ahead and did another day for my Couch to 5K training. I ended up going to a different park than I normally go to, which was kind of neat. There were other people out enjoying the day (it was in the low to mid-50's), in spite of the fact that it was pretty cloudy with very little sunshine.

Quite the change from my session on Wednesday.

Anyway, I was getting ready to start my third interval of jogging when a song popped on my iPod and I felt my spriits lift. And as I listened, it expressed so well what I have been learning and thinking about all week. And all I could think was "Yes! This is what I've been needing to hear and let my heart sing!" But because I was jogging (and panting), I settled for signing what words I knew in sign language and mouthing/whispering the rest of the song. I'm sure I looked and sounded like a lunatic, but there wasn't anyone around at that point...kind of like I got my own little private worship session out on the path. I wanted to walk through what my thinking was as I listened (really listened) to the lyrics of the song "Today is the Day", as performed by the Women of Faith worship team.

"I'm casting my cares aside"
As I said earlier, I could feel the stress bleeding off of me while I jogged. It felt so good to be out in the warmer weather, enjoying what little sunshine we had and seeing other people out there enjoying it, too. I made a point of saying good morning or hello to each person I passed along the path (which can be a task when I'm in the jogging stage). And as I kept going along the path, I felt less worried and concerned about things that were tumbling around in my mind beforehand. It culminated in this moment when the song opened up and I heard "I'm casting my cares aside". There were other things I could have been doing right then, other things that needed to get done today. But I had taken this moment to take a break from that and focus on exercising.

"I'm leaving my past behind"
As I heard this line, I really felt like that was happening for me. With each step I took along the path, I felt a glimmer of a new me beginning to shine through. And it felt good. It felt good to be loosed from the chains of "No matter what I do, I can't change" and "I will always be the fat girl". Because if I were really honest with you (and myself) those thoughts do happen--and they definitely feed into my behaviors.

"I'm setting my mind and heart on You, Jesus"
The biggest thing that I have been learning about is how God is involved in my attempts to live a healthy lifestyle. He isn't meant to be sidelined in this journey--He is very much a part of it. I know that without Him, I'm going to be more likely to yo-yo or stay stagnant. However, with Him, I will have so much more. Not that the journey will be any easier, but it will be better because I have Him in my corner with me.

"I'm reaching my hand to Yours
Believing there's so much more
Knowing that all you have in store for me is good
It's good"
I've been learning about how God is trustworthy--something that I've known, but haven't really acted on as much as I could have. I've also been learning that there is much more to my life than the way that I have been living it. And I think something that has been holding me back has been a fear--a fear of what will be asked of me when I finally do step out. A fear that whatever is waiting out there for me when I do step out won't truly be good (as we think about "good"), but will be hard and difficult. One of the things that I'm learning, primarily through the example of others, is that just because it is hard and difficult does not necessarily mean that is not good.

"Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
I won't worry about tomorrow
I'm trusting in what You say
Today is the day"
Earlier this week I wrote about taking things one day at a time. That idea has been coming back to me repeatedly throughout the week, causing me to pause at times and think about just what choices I have made or will be making to be healthier. I've been trying to focus on just the day I am in, rather than focusing on whatever is coming ahead and, so far, I've noticed that I'm not as stressed about things that have been going on. I've also been learning to trust what God has said in His word. There was a Sunday school leader at our church who was sharing about how God keeps His promises. He tried to illustrate how God keeps His promises by telling a story about the teacher promising to take his wife out to McDonald's after church. And how, if he actually went and did that, he would be keeping his promise. Well, one of his kids was in the classroom at the time and, after class was over, started asking him repeatedly if they were going to McDonald's for lunch. When the teacher replied that no, they weren't, the kid said "But Dad, you promised! During Sunday School, I heard you and you promised!" Rather than explain to the child that he was just using that as an example, he simply said "Well, I'm not God, so I can break my promises." And all I could think of at the time was that was not the way to handle the situation. I mean, yeah, the kid would figure out at some point and time that his dad isn't God. But, I felt a sense of trust in that man break within my own heart--I could only imagine what his kid was feeling.

I am so glad that God keeps His promises.

"I'm putting my fears aside"
I am learning that I can be such a fearful person. I was talking with a co-worker earlier this week about how I don't really like to go skiing or snowboarding because I have an immense fear of falling. Well, I'm not sure it's a fear of falling so much as a fear of the pain I'll experience when I land. At any rate, that was just one of many things that I have been faced with this week. My grandparents are in assisted living right now--so I'm having to face all kinds of fears about losing them. They are (through my mom and my great-aunt) parceling out the items in their house that they aren't using to various relatives and friends. Suddenly (as irrational as it may sound) I'm facing a fear of losing those things that are tied so intricately to my memories of my grandparents. I know I'm not alone in this one--it can be why people argue over other people's possessions after they pass away. I'm also having to face a fear of getting older and having my own parents get older and pass away.

It is insane. And a lot of it is stemming from one general fear--a fear that things are not truly within my own control. And there is nothing I can do about it.

But, I am also learning that, as debilitating as those things can be, they can be shoved out of the way for the path I am trying to forge. Faced up to, yes, but shoved to the side once they have been dealt with. And I am deliberately choosing to believe that there is something better than that fear--my God.

"I'm leaving my doubts behind"
I've been learning a lot about doubt. Underestimating my abilities...call it what you will, it's doubt that I can actually live up to a certain standard. Also doubt that God really is who He says He is and is capable of doing whatever it is He is going to do. Doubt that He will not pass His strength along to me when I need it. Doubt that what I do, say and how I live truly matter to Him.

But, oh, how they do!

"I'm giving my hopes and dreams to You, Jesus

"I'm reaching my hand to Yours
Believing there's so much more
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good
It's good

"Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it

"I won't worry about tomorrow
I'm trusting in what You say
Today is the day

"I will stand upon Your truth
I will stand upon Your truth
All my days I'll live for You
All my days I'll live for You"
One of the key things I have been learning about is the power of God's Word to help us. As I have been doing my Bible studies and really focusing on the Bible itself, I have found that it helps give me peace, comfort and restores my faith. It also provides me with powerful truths like "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" that help combat lies I believe like "I am a loser and not worthy of anyone's attention" (not that I say the lies in my head that bluntly).

And the rest of the song...*congrats on making it this far*

I will stand upon Your truth
I will stand upon Your truth
All my days I'll live for You
All my days I'll live

Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it

I won't worry about tomorrow
Giving You my fears and sorrows
Where You lead me, I will follow
I'm trusting in what You say
Today is the day
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LUVSBULLDOGS
    Great blog, Erin. Thanks for sharing.
    3290 days ago
  • ALLBW2U
    Rejoice in the Lord always....and again I say rejoice!!

    Isn't it cool that He gives us the right word, the right music, the right "chance" meeting to lift us up and draw our focus to Him. Yay!

    I hope that you have a wonderful Sunday....Bill
    3291 days ago
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