Saturday, February 12, 2011
When I first decided to come back to Sparkpeople (I had used it about 2 years ago), I felt kind of stupid. I kept thinking "How in the world is a silly website going to help he get motivated to lose the weight I want to lose?" and I felt really silly coming on here. I was sort of ashamed. Why can't I just do it on my own????
Then I read someone else's blog entry about feeling the same way...and I found out a girl at my work uses Sparkpeople too...and I began to feel less silly and ashamed and more motivated. Maybe this can work...
I've been on here diligently for about 2 weeks now. I have lost 2lbs (hey, its a start!!!!) and have been holding myself accountable. Before when I had tracked my calories or attempted losing weight, I always cheated myself. I was never honest with myself. My goal this time was and is to hold myself accountable for every little thing I put in my mouth. But beyond that, I want to see what my weaknesses are so that I can change. I'm using this both as a way to hold myself accountable and help myself do some reflecting to find the roots of my bad eating habits and change them in order to move forward successfully. Its not worth doing this unless I am also making changes for the future.
But the most important part about this is that I feel GOOD! I am proud of my small accomplishments (which normally I would ignore, only looking towards the BIG ones). I am becoming more aware of what I am eating and why. I am still not hitting my goal calories, but every day and week, I am getting closer and closer. I have to see what the habits are and change them first in order to be successful. For once I am telling myself "one step at a time" and am not beating myself up for not hitting every little goal. However, I am working hard to be mindful and to try. I am looking at my "slips" as learning experiences. What caused me to slip up that day??? Was it boredom? Was it late-night mindless eating? Was it a quick eat because I was busy and didn't bring good food with me? Was it just because it looked good and I wanted some? Did the food really make me feel good or did I feel worse for eating it and setting myself slightly back from reaching my goal? These are the types of questions that are keeping me going. I have built working out into my schedule in a way that I cannot make excuses for not going. I am changing my way of life; that is the only way this will work.
I never thought I would be posting a blog on here because I also felt that would be silly. Whatever. I feel more silly about being 194lbs and a size 12 instead of 150lbs and a size 6. And if this is going to help me get to that point that I've wanted to get back to for about 6 years now, then I'm all about doing these "ridiculous" things that help me get there.