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I feel guilty

Friday, February 11, 2011

Not because I have cheated on my diet or because I haven't exercised as much as I want or should not even for taking a couple days off to rest while sick. I feel guilty for all the years I have spent eating junk in front of my children. Now mind you my children are not anywhere near overweight. In fact, two are at a perfect weight for their heights and the other well lets say he could stand to gain a few pounds. He's always been small though. In fact my tiny little son is the main source of my feeling awful today. My 15 year old has high cholesterol. It's terrible I feel absolutely awful even though its really not my fault.

I guess it would help to know the whole story. My son is bi polar and because of that he is on an anti-psychotic. This medication and all like it keep him from having serious mood swings which may cause him to have a manic episode which may cause him to become a danger to himself or others. In fact that's what happened when he was 12 and had a major breakdown and ended up in the hospital. Anyway the medication is necessary. Unfortunately one of the side effects can be to raise a person's cholesterol. This has happened to my 15 year old son. His doctor told me today that I had to monitor his diet and to teach him how to eat healthier. She said he has also lost 3 pounds since she saw him last month. My boy is 5'6 and weighs 105 pounds. Like I said he's always been small but obviously he can't afford to lose anymore weight. So she says normally with weight loss (also due to medication) she would suggest eating a lot of high (healthy) fat foods such as eggs but that the cholesterol level rules that out. So now I have to somehow keep my baby from developing heart disease and also keep him from withering away into nothingness.

I feel awful I can't help but think that if I had taught him better eating habits then he wouldn't have to worry about cholesterol at least not at this age. I'm so worried about losing weight and eating healthy for myself that I have never thought about what my very skinny children eat. I was skinny once too. I just hope I haven't damaged them too much. I hope its not too late to teach them to eat healthy so they can live long healthy lives and not worry about being over or under weight and to not worry about things like cholesterol. I know its not my fault that he has to be on this medication or that he has this side effect but I should have taught them better. I guess I better start now.
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