I'm still here

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

I've been pretty quiet on the blog lately. I'm just holding steady on my course. Last week was TOM and that was difficult, but I just put my head down and soldiered on. There were cravings, and I succumbed. But overall, things were not bad. I weighed myself and ended up losing a pound and a half anyway.

This is the thing. I've done the diet thing so many times before and failed. I know what I do wrong. I compare myself to others in some high schoolish self esteem game that I know I won't win. It's not a game that anyone wins. It's self sabotage. In the past, one bad TOM would knock me off because I would try to be sooooo perfect and not break my "diet." This eventually led to me binging in a big way, beating myself up for such lack of self control and then talking myself out of eating healthy with the logic that I can't do this.

This time, I gave into the cravings when I knew they were serious. I talked lovingly to myself. I took extra time for rest and I didn't get on the scale until I knew the water weight had passed. TOM is not a license to eat anything I want, but it is a time to take care of myself.

On the roller coaster of life front, my son's psychologist asked our pediatrician to refer him for occupational therapy. So after my car made that hard climb up that steep hill, weeeee, down we go in a rush of excitement. It's got to be hard for a 10 year old boy to not be able to keep up with his friends on the playground, or to learn how to swim, or even take a walk though the woods with his mother without falling down. I'm so happy that we will be able to work on some of these issues. He also seems excited that he might finally get some relief from this struggle. We are referred to Dayton Children's and that worries me a bit. Big 'Ol Control Freak that I am. I kinda wanted to look into places and find one that really knew something about autistic spectrum and working with sensory integration. After the horrible experience we had with that neuro psychologist, I worry that the services my son needs just aren't available here.

Lastly, I'm not feeling great today. Sore throat, tired, achy, GRUMPY. So I might sound a bit down even though I should be very excited about the OT thing. I'm thinking there's just not enough coffee in the world..... emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    First let me say that I think you did a great job being kind to yourself while still staying on course! Second, I had the same bad feelings about Dayton Children's just recently when I was trying to choose an opthomolgist for my 1 year old (she has a lazy eye), but after going to a satelite of Cincinnati Childrens (which I know very well- went to UC and studied speech path at University Hospital...)I have to say I was super dissapointed in the guy we saw and ended up in a much less beautiful campus but with a great doctor at Dayton Childrens. Now obviously our kids are going for different reasons so it might mean nothing at all, but I did end up feeling pretty great about Dayton.

    Not sure if you have ever used this search engine, but you might be able to look at some OTs through it. My specialty at university was autism- my interests stemming from having an autistic sister so I can relate to your frustration and the roller coaster!


    3550 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/9/2011 2:56:44 PM
    Congrats on the pound and a half. That's awesome! You should be prepared that you may have to travel to find the help your son needs. If there is any chance in Dayton, Children's is probably going to be your best bet. My husband and I have to travel to Northern Kentucky just to go to a decent pain management specialist. The general health care situation in Dayton is just not so great. Sorry. My husband and I both have numerous health conditions, and this is what we've discovered.

    3550 days ago
    Good for you for not getting into that HS comparison stuff and bringing yourself down. I soooo understand what you mean. I'm glad you were kind and loving to yourself and got rewarded for it--a pound and a half. Sounds like life is stressful. Hope you are feeling better soon.

    3550 days ago
    The struggle wouldn't be so hard if there weren't medical and school professionals out there who don't see the problem. Luckily, his psychologist sees it and his teachers this year see it. So I am able to get him some help. But not as much as he needs. There I go being grumpy again. Thanks for supporting me anniemac_98. Once I fight this cold thing off, I know I'll be back to my normal happy, vigorous self. It's great to have the support of sparkpeople to get me through. emoticon
    3550 days ago
    That's wonderful that you were good to yourself. I completely understand the TOM thing. It is one of my downfalls too. I hope I can do as well this time around. Good luck with your son. My heart goes out to him and to you. It must be so painful to see your baby struggle like that.
    3550 days ago
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