I'm still here
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
I've been pretty quiet on the blog lately. I'm just holding steady on my course. Last week was TOM and that was difficult, but I just put my head down and soldiered on. There were cravings, and I succumbed. But overall, things were not bad. I weighed myself and ended up losing a pound and a half anyway.
This is the thing. I've done the diet thing so many times before and failed. I know what I do wrong. I compare myself to others in some high schoolish self esteem game that I know I won't win. It's not a game that anyone wins. It's self sabotage. In the past, one bad TOM would knock me off because I would try to be sooooo perfect and not break my "diet." This eventually led to me binging in a big way, beating myself up for such lack of self control and then talking myself out of eating healthy with the logic that I can't do this.
This time, I gave into the cravings when I knew they were serious. I talked lovingly to myself. I took extra time for rest and I didn't get on the scale until I knew the water weight had passed. TOM is not a license to eat anything I want, but it is a time to take care of myself.
On the roller coaster of life front, my son's psychologist asked our pediatrician to refer him for occupational therapy. So after my car made that hard climb up that steep hill, weeeee, down we go in a rush of excitement. It's got to be hard for a 10 year old boy to not be able to keep up with his friends on the playground, or to learn how to swim, or even take a walk though the woods with his mother without falling down. I'm so happy that we will be able to work on some of these issues. He also seems excited that he might finally get some relief from this struggle. We are referred to Dayton Children's and that worries me a bit. Big 'Ol Control Freak that I am. I kinda wanted to look into places and find one that really knew something about autistic spectrum and working with sensory integration. After the horrible experience we had with that neuro psychologist, I worry that the services my son needs just aren't available here.
Lastly, I'm not feeling great today. Sore throat, tired, achy, GRUMPY. So I might sound a bit down even though I should be very excited about the OT thing. I'm thinking there's just not enough coffee in the world.....