Where do I begin
Sunday, February 06, 2011
The last week, I have been trying to figure out many things. I can admit that on last Sunday, I slumped into a depression. I have realized so many things about myself that have hindered me in all my goals. All of last week, I gave into emotional eating. I had no physical activity other than going to work each day. Making it through the day at work took all I had to not completely breakdown and cry all day. My anxiety has been at an all time high, the highest ever. Tuesday, I finally decided to make me an appointment with a therapist. I was so frustrated that day because they were all telling me it would be almost 2 weeks before they could see me. Finally, I found someone who could see me on Thursday. Then, due to the weather, the appointment was canceled and they couldn't set another appointment until Friday this week. GRRRRR.....each night I cried after thinking more and more about why I am the way I am. Thank goodness my husband hasn't left me. He has been extremely understanding and wants me to seek therapy. I have been completely distancing myself from everyone, including my husband. And it occurs even more so when he is trying to compliment me and encourage me. I simply feel that I am not good enough no matter what I do. I seem to set goals and sabotage myself so that I don't make them. That is hard to admit, but I will be getting therapy to overcome this. As much as I try to get it through my head (that I am good enough), I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into thinking I am not good enough. I sometimes feel that I get close to believing it and then I miss a goal and slip back into it. I also believe that unless I go to therapy, I will not be successful at losing the weight I would like to lose.
I debated on sharing as I am embarrassed and ashamed for feeling this way. But, the first step to fixing me is admitting I have a problem. I know this is going to be hard work and in no way easy, but I hope to overcome this all.