A crappy shopping day
Friday, February 04, 2011
UGH!! Today should have been a good shopping day and it totally wasn't.
It has taken me FOREVER to lose 20lbs. This past month is the first month in 6 months that I started to track what I was eating. Prior to this, I was working out with my trainer 3x a week and then getting 1-2 days extra in there for cardio. I wasn't really trying very hard.
After I stopped my training sessions (in November), I started going to the gym 4-5 days a week. I was doing cardio each day for 30 mins and ST 3x a week. I am now at the gym 5-6 days a week for 30 min cardio and at least 4 days a week of ST.
In January, I had stayed at 235lbs for nearly 3 months. I am finally down to 228 with the help of modified diet. I don't care how slowly the weight comes off, as long as it keeps coming off regularly (a half pound to 2 pounds a week is good for me!)
I have gone down a size in Old Navy workout clothes. I used to barely fit into XXL shirts and now XL is fitting well. The same for their bottoms (in workout gear anyway). I'm in their XL and even those are seemingly a little loose. I still can't seem to fit into their jeans.
Today however, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans at Kohls. 20lbs should mean about 1 size lost right? WRONG!! I should be happy with the 20lbs I lost and yet once again, it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!
I realize I'm not alone in my jeans woes but I refuse to wear sweatpants and cotton eleastic waistband pants. Regular jeans should just fit me!! In the "regular" size 16's I can fit the legs and butt of pants but can't button them. In plus sized 16's (16w's) I can fit the legs and butt too (a little loose) but can't button them. In "regular" 18's I can't hardly button the pants and they are so loose everywhere. In the plus sized 18's, I can't seem to find pants that fit my gut and my legs and butt. They are always wayyyyyy too loose by the time they fit my gut.
I'm so discouraged. I hate the feeling that what I've done isn't good enough and I worked so hard! I have another 55lbs to go but seeing this first 20lbs go by without being able to get into smaller jeans makes me want to say f--- it. I never had a problem fitting into jeans when I was "fat". Now that I'm getting into "fit" I can't win!
Damn you stupid fashion designers! And Damn me for letting a stupid shopping trip ruin the positive mindframe I've had for weeks now!
Why isn't what I'm doing good enough?!