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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Weight: 189.2 lbs (up 5 lbs since 10/20/10)

Neck: 14 (up 0.5 inches since 10/20/10)
Upper Arm: 14 (up 1.5 since 10/20/10)
Forearm: 10.5 (up 1 since 10/20/10)
Waist: 37 (up 3 since 10/20/10)
Hips: 44 (up 2 since 10/20/10)
Thigh: 26 (up 3 since 10/20/10)
Calf: 15.5 (up 0.5 since 10/20/10)
Rib Cage: 34 (up 2 since 10/20/10)

I can't believe its been over three months since my last blog or that I've allowed myself to gain when I worked so hard to loose. I'd never before understood how those who had met their goal weight could allow themselves to gain it all back; the past couple of months have been an eye opener for me.

I was doing great until Halloween, but then I lost control; I thought I had a handle on the food situation and therefore could have an occasional "extra". There is NO occasional "extra" with someone who has a food addiction and/or is a food binger (I am both). I could easily blame it on the holidays or the stress in my life, but bottom line: I gave up on myself.

I've been in counseling for several months now and have barely scratched the surface; there are days I want to cancel a session and others where I feel like progress has been made. Learning to face your demons and to love yourself isn't easy, but I'm finally working on ME and its a good feeling.

The girls and I have settled into somewhat of a routine; we've been in our apartment for three months now and its been an adjustment: the holidays were quite different, but weren't as hard I'd thought; we've downsized & are learning to adjust our budget accordingly; I'm making payments to an attorney and have filed for divorce, child support & full custody of our girls; my husband hasn't made an effort to pay support or have a relationship with our girls; and my husband's family has continued to provide support & be active members of our lives.

Not much else to report, but I'd like to thank my SP family for their outpouring of love and support throughout my time of need. Keep spreadin' that SPARK and know your continued faith in me inspires ME to go that extra mile! God bless and hugs to all= )

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JIBBIE49
    emoticon It sounds like you have adjusted well to your move. I have been reading a book called "What Things Really Cost" and she has a chapter on divorce. She points out the real cost of having to move & losing a house, often with the equity money used up to pay outstanding bills that need to be settled for the divorce to be final. I want my DD to read the book so it will open her eyes to WHY she has to stay in college and get a good career.
    2615 days ago
    So sorry about the divorce! Don't let all of this, including the weight gain get you down! Sounds like you are headed in the right direction though. So keep going-stay strong! We are all here for you! emoticon
    2666 days ago
    You know it takes a lot of focus to work toward any goal....athletes eat breath and sleep their sport....that is the way it is with weight loss and health in when you have something in your life that is taking more focus...then the other goals are going to fall by the wayside. That is ok. What is that saying about chasing two rabbits...both get away. Now that you have gotten things more settled you can focus on another. Wishing you well on this phase of your journey. You know you can do it. Blessings, Grace emoticon
    2668 days ago
    I admire you for dealing with all this with grace,strength,and eloquence and learning to love yourself and you only gained 5 pounds,you are amazing Melissa and you should be oh so proud how you are doing through this.You keep thinking positive and keep going to your therapy appointments,even when you don't feel like going,that is when you need them the most. emoticon on working on you,this will benefit your beautiful daughters greatly and they will in turn see how to deal with life from your example.It so boggles my mind and I can't understand how there father could not be involved in there lives.I am so happy for you that his family remains supportive of you and the girls,God Bless Them and you and your girls!I know when the time is right,though,the farthest thing from your mind,is you meeting an emoticon gentleman that is honest,fun,loving and treats you the way you deserve to be treated and never accept anything less ever.Love YOUrself always and anytime you need support you can call on me.You take care and love and hug your daughters daily as they are such an inspiration and beautiful,as is there mom!
    emoticon emoticon Diana emoticon
    2679 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/15/2011 1:49:46 PM
    I seem to always have problems over the eating holidays and gain 5 to 10 pounds.

    It sounds like you are adjusting very well to all the changes. Making a new life for yourself.
    2680 days ago
    Things are looking up!
    2687 days ago
    Oh, honey, please don't give up on yourself! That would be very bad for your little ones, their grandparents and all of us.

    I am sending light, prayers and so much love you wouldn't believe... emoticon
    2691 days ago
    Melissa all you can do is go forward -- no need to beat yourself up about past mistakes, we are all works in progress. I will be praying for your success, strength and will power... or is it WON'T power saying you WON'T fall into the old traps. emoticon
    2692 days ago
    Will continue to keep you in my prayers - I know you can do this.
    2692 days ago
  • GHW1968
    I too made great progress only to find myself back where I started. I have started anew in 2011. This is what we must do. We fall off the wagon, and we jump back on again. We also can't wait for ourselves to lose weight in order for life to start. It is ongoing. I'm so proud of you for the difficult decisions you have made. Kudos to You!!!
    2692 days ago
    Hang in there and do the best you can! HUGS!
    The stress isn't helping you.
    2693 days ago
    So glad to hear from you Melissa. You are doing great despite the stress you were under. So glad to see that things are settling down. emoticon
    2693 days ago
    Melissa~ You are going through a lot of stress right now, and amazingly 5 pounds really is not that bad. Some people gain 7 pounds just over Christmas. I'm sure when you are ready to tackle the weigh loss once the stress is under control it will come right off. I really don't think you gave up on yourself, you just had other priorities at the time!

    It is good to hear that your life is in control, sometimes life can throw curve balls our way and spin us totally out of control. The therapy does help, I remember feeling the same as you, looking back I am so glad I went to counseling!

    {{{Hugs}}} to you and your girls!

    ~ Janel :)
    2693 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/1/2011 11:10:47 AM
    5 pounds isn't much in the realm of things! I think you've done a fantastic job consider everything you've been dealing with. Thanks for updating us! It's good to hear your uplifting attitude about moving forward. You're doing a great job. emoticon
    2693 days ago
    Welcome back to Sparking Melissa! With all that was going on in your life, a 5 lb gain is actually not all that horrible. People have put on way more over the holidays with no stressors.
    Now that you are back, and things are moving forward, you can get back on track and kick this gain.

    All the best in your new life!
    emoticon emoticon
    2693 days ago
    It sounds like you are coping well at this time. Your kids could not have a more wonderful mom.....I know that everything you do is for them.

    2693 days ago
    So glad to hear from you Melissa. I am so glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and your daughters. I'm sorry your (soon to be ex) husband is foolishly missing their lives. But it sounds like you are doing all you can do for yourself and for them.

    It also sounds like you have a helpful attitude about the weight. 5 pounds since October is 3 pounds less than most Americans gain during the holidays! Just don't waste energy beating yourself up now -- just reset your weight ticker and move forward from here. We've all been there. And you can start the scale moving downward again.

    I think you are an amazingly strong woman. Love and blessings to you.
    2693 days ago
    You are a very strong woman!! I am very proud of you for hanging in there. It is awesome you have support through his family members. All the best in your journey. Keep me posted. Your emoticon Moni emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2693 days ago
  • MARPET44
    Major life changes are so stressfull. You are doing great for having all of the extra stressors of moving and going through a divorce. You have a hard road to travel, but I am sure that you are more than strong enough to handle it. Just remember Spark is here for you. Mary
    2693 days ago
  • CANDOK1260
    hey, don't beat youself so bad you know you have a eating probelm you were on a blinge it over now s today is the first day of the restof yor life I asm happy that in-law are helping
    2693 days ago
    So glad you're starting to feel better, keep holding on you can do it...
    2693 days ago
    You are certainly a strong girl and sounds like you are on a fresh road. One day at a time. You are the best. emoticon
    2693 days ago
  • AWOOD1973
    Wow, Melissa! I had no idea about your situation! I am proud of you for moving in a positive direction, as I know it's been difficult! You are an awesome person, and I am so glad that although your X has not chosen to be a part of your daughters' lives, that his family still is. I wish you everything this year..., stability, love, and peace. You are a rock, and glad you aren't giving up on you and your outlook on life!

    Take care, and keep us in the loop with blogging more, they are fantastic to read! :)

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2693 days ago
    Good to see you here and ready to get back on track. You can do it girl!
    2693 days ago
    emoticon So glad you are back here and looking after your self. Sorry to hear about all the up heaval in your life. i wish you the best for 2011! emoticon
    2693 days ago
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