Have any of you seen this new show “I Used to be Fat” on MTV? I’ve been watching it since it started and I definitely like it. I love shows about people changing their lives, and since I’m only 22 seeing young people struggling in high school hits home. I was that girl. I wish I’d seen then what I see now in changing my lifestyle but at the time it seemed llike there was no point to even try. And I felt so alone, sneaking food in the middle of the night, eating from the time I “went to bed” until I fell asleep. Food really was something I used to keep busy.
Seeing the teens on this show struggling, in one instance their family calling them fat or not having the support they needed, it just makes me remember where I began. It’s easy to get into the mentality of “well I can do it, why can’t you?” but I remember the hopelessness of high school and even afterward where I felt there really was no point in even trying to care about my health. I didn’t really even know what health was.
I guess my point is, I’ve come a really long way and SILLYHPs comment really made me think. I really am a stranger in this body and I’m trying to come to terms with it. The picture I just made my profile picture here on spark is a picture I think that is changing everything for me. THAT’S how I look. And it’s really really hard for me to believe it. I look skinny. But I don’t FEEL skinny. I look thinner, but my mind hasn’t caught up and I feel like that’s a huge problem. They say this happens with people who get gastric bypass, that they have serious issues with accepting their bodies which causes self esteem issues because they lose the weight so fast. I can understand that. I feel like I have so much more to lose when I look down at my belly and in the mirror. But when I see pictures it hits home. I just have to work really hard on accepting how I look and learning to love myself.
My resolution of taking it easier on myself is going well and is definitely benefitting because I feel better overall. So far I have done what I said I would and cut back. Today instead of running for an hour I did 45 minutes, but bumped the incline up to make it harder. I did a few arm strength moves and several ab moves and then came home. I plan to do the Jillian Michael’s No More Trouble Zone’s DVD tomorrow morning, which is a big change for me. I usually do the gym and strength train. But that dvd is a serious strength training bootcamp so I know it will be a great workout. It’s part of doing different things too and I found that’s helping. I did the bike on Saturday morning, the gym today, and doing the DVD tomorrow will make me look forward to the gym Tuesday. Running out in the freezing weather to the gym EVERY single morning got annoying. I did it, because I had to, but the idea that tomorrow I can sleep a little later and do the dvd in my own home with the heat on, not having to leave the house is really really exciting. I picked up a yoga mat and some heavier dumbells specifically for it. And I feel like this is a good sign. Changing my patterns, keeping it fresh will keep me motivated. So doing this DVD is a nice change of pace. Then Tuesday I’ll do my normal gym routine. So breaking it up is a really great thing until the spring when I CAN RUN OUTSIDE!! OH how I miss it.
. But let me tell you. Even from a few days of “taking it easy” when I did some of my normal squats, lunges, and flexes yesterday morning, I was sore today. So it just shows only a few days of not working out as hard does decrease my fitness. But how I see it is, my workweek is Friday-Monday. I do work Wednesday but it’s a short day. Anyway, I see it as, Friday and Saturday are long strenuous work and school days so I do DVDs or my stationary bike at home to reduce my stress. Sunday I get back to my full out heavier workout and do a good run like I did today at the gym. And then Monday through Thursday are my hardcore, bust my butt, do a little extra days because I have the time. If I’m off I don’t mind putting in extra time at the gym but when the stress of worrying about getting to work on time is hanging over me, mentally it’s better to shorten my workouts for my sanity’s sake. In total I’m working out 7 days a week with the 7th day being yoga or something less strenuous.
I don’t know why I just explained all of that to you guys. I was reading about that positivity challenge and I don’t know how it works exactly but it made me want to stop complaining and get back to spreading the joy of this lifestyle. So I wanted to tell everyone since I’m home alone for a week, I plan to do a lot of experimental baking and cooking. I want to try making my own sauce again but cooking it overnight like my friend suggested and I want to add more ingredients like fresh garlic and basil and possibly mushrooms. I plan to make eggplant parmesan again, and I really really want to try to make butternut squash soup! I’m excited to try all of this, and plan on shopping tomorrow for all my ingredients so let me know if you guys have any suggestions.
Lastly, I wanted to talk about carbs. For the longest time, probably a year now I’ve avoided them like the plague. Not completely, I’d still eat wraps and those wheat thins, but never an actual piece of bread. Maybe the occasional 100 calorie waffle or pancakes but I just had this fear of them. Someone had drilled into my head that they were the devil. Then I was reading online that not getting enough carbohydrates can actually cause cravings and low blood sugar. I also heard depriving yourself of carbohydrates causes mood swings! And in the past few weeks I’ve felt kind of light headed and dizzy, and the cravings I get are ALWAYS for carbs. The other night I had such a bad binge on Cheerios. Random right? But it was my body craving the carbohydrates. So I experimented. I love to have a big breakfast but I always feel like no matter how big it is, I’m hungry in an hour and a half. So today I had a bowl of Kashi Go Lean with a splash of soy milk and chopped strawberries on top, 5 eggwhites on a whole wheat wrap, and two slices of turkey bacon. It sounds crazy but that amount of carbohydrates from the cereal AND wrap would normally make me want to throw up. Some days I wouldn’t eat any type of grain! Only now do I see how bad that is. But I can honestly say I didn’t get hungry today until at least 12:30 and I ate breakfast at 9:30! And maybe it’s in my head but I felt like that extra boost of carbohydrates combined with the protein got me through. So the second half of my experiment was a lean pocket. They’re not actually lean pockets, they’re the Aldi brand called Fit & Active and they’re turkey and broccoli stuffed sandwiches that you microwave. I usually don’t like to go near them because they have over 35 grams of carbohydrates, but they’re good because the’yre like 250 calories and 17 grams of protein and 2 grams of fat so they’re not bad for you at all. But today I had nothing at home for lunch so I brought one. And yeah it’s a smaller than usual lunch for me, not as bulky as I like them to be, but even so I realized it kept me pretty full. And I realized as long as I keep it in check, I need to be adding carbs to my diet more now to help with those bingeing and cravings. Like tonight, I usually am starving around this time and I’m perfectly fine. So it’s exciting to know this opens up some different doors as to food and choices for me, all while still tracking it to make sure I never go overboard.
So that’s how it goes. I’ll definitely let everyone know how the Jillian Michael’s dvd is. I hear it’s intense! EXCITED! Goodnight everyone.