1/29/11: I need to do this today.....

I am losing control right now with my life. A few weeks ago or so I made a commitment to someone to do better as a T. Leader with participation and did it with nothing but the best intentions. My sleep was getting better at the time and with the roll over of the new year I felt it was time to step it up. Anyway I was waking up at a decent time and truly felt that I was on a good track in my life. Then as soon as I start with the positive and upbeat thinking, my sleep goes to pot and my Fibromyalgia (FMS) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) is creating havoc with my body. Pain where you can't move and you just want to stay in one position in bed.

I can't seem to get ahead, not even ahead, but stay afloat financially. I share my house with roommates which helps pay the bills. I am relying on my MOM and my sons to help out with my portion of the bills. Before my life was taken over with this FMS and CFS...I was strong, vibrant and very independent. I supported my children and myself without the help of anyone. I have been dealing with FMS and CFS since 2004.

I often cry because I feel like a failure even though I know I am doing the best that I can. I HATE relying on my parents for $$. And my MOM she is soooooo. well words can't even describe your willingness to take care of me, I know I would be in more of a world of hurt if it weren't for her and my dad.

I feel like the more I try to do better the more my body wants to hold me back. Everyday is such a struggle. So this is why I felt the need to open up and share this with my fellow spark sisters.

Thanks for reading and listening to my venting.

Hugs, Anna