PSA for Miscarriage

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Todays PSA courtesy of a friend I was chatting with today who recently went through this as well a myself.

1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage, so even if you don't know someone now, you will at some point. Most do not know for long, if at all before the miscarriage they were even pregnant and 98% of them happen because nature deems it that way, not due to any fault of the woman (ie genetic issues, tubal pregnancy, and other issues out of womans control). The other 2% is normally some sort of trauma (car crash, abuse etc...). Treat them as you would a friend who has lost a child. Not only did they lose a child, but there is no body to bury or way to say goodbye to make closure. They were never able to hold the child, and in most cases never even knew the sex of the child. They will forever wonder "what if". The hormones take months, not weeks to rebound back to normal. They are 3 times as likely to suffer postpartum depression. Be there as the friend you are to support them. Here are some helpful suggestions. If you don't know what to say, just say that you don't know what to say and are here for them.

The following is a list of items that will only make them feel worse, not better.

1. Do NOT tell them it is "for the best" or to "thank their lucky stars" or any such thing. They are NOT grateful to be going through this.

2. Do not point out how much they drank and/or smoked during the critical first few weeks/months.

3. Do NOT point out they were not ready/in stable relationship or that is may not have been planned.

4. Do NOT tell them their SO/baby daddy is acting rudely. They baby daddy is hurting as well. If needed, do so once, and with respect to what is going on. Also, they do not control said persons actions, so if possible speak to the baby daddy.

5. Do NOT tell them they need to start using protection, especially if you don't know if they were or not. Birth control when used perfectly is only 99% effective. This means 1% end in unplanned pregnancy
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD10326405
    I don't know if you will see this, being as this blog is over a year and a half old. However, I wanted to say thank you. My husband and I are going through our second miscarriage - almost 10 months apart. It's hard enough dealing with our own thoughts, fears, guilt, grief, and insecurities without hearing the good intentioned, well meant, but insulting none the less sentiments of friends and family. I wish more people could read your blog and understand the pain and suffering a miscarriage can bring with it. Anyway, thanks again for allowing me to see that the feelings and thoughts that I'm having are a part of the normal process of grieving and healing.
    3106 days ago
    Yes all good points and I have been there myself. I always wonder what it would have been had I not miscarried but now since I have another beautiful baby girl who will be 2 in June and love her to pieces.
    3639 days ago
  • BEVERLY781
    All helpful comments, been there ,done that and do understand. I care so if anyone needs to talk I will listen god bless. Have a good day. emoticon
    3640 days ago
    And don't tell them that they can have another baby, or to start trying right away for another.
    3640 days ago
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