Thursday, January 27, 2011
I went to the counselor yesterday and it went really well. She said I have to stop beating myself up everytime I smoke. I need to learn to love myself enough that I won't want to do anything that will not be good for me. She made a lot of sense and even gave me a little mantra to say everytime I smoke. It sounded kind of hoakie to me at first, but when she explained it actually made me cry. My cigarette has been 'my friend' for 45 years, and everytime I smoke one I hate it, and then I hate myself for smoking it. She said I am getting some kind of satisfaction from smoking so I need to stop hating it and stop hating myself when I smoke. The mantra is, when I light up, I have to say to myself:
I am sorry
Please forgive me
I love you.
The "I am sorry" is to myself for harming myself. Please forgive myself for smoking it. Thank you for the satisfaction you give me. I love you to myself. I hope I explained that right. The more I say it the more I am letting it sink in, and the less I am smoking.
I even went and got a manicure! And I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the treadmill, wiith a 30 second jog every 5 minutes or so, and a 2 minute warm up and 2 minute cool down. I also did 10 minutes on the sit-down elliptical machine, with interval strength training for my arms. I have been wearing a pedometer and getting over 5,000 steps for 3 days in a row. So I feel like I am getting back on track, and taking care of myself!
This is kind of a long blog but I just wanted to vent a little bit about work. My co-worker works 4 days a week, but 2 of those are from 10 pm until 6 am. She has been wanting me to give up my Saturday and Sunday from 6 am until 2 pm. I love that shift because the people at the shelter are there and awake, and that is when I get to know them. Well, I guess she refused to work all night and so my boss said that since she has refused, I will get one of her nights permanently, which will give me a steady 3 days a week, but all 3 days will be all nighters! I think since she has refused, I should get all 4 of her days, and she can have my two. Please give me anyone's opinion that has one, because I want to mention this to my boss, but I would like some input on it first. He said he was taking one of her days and giving it to me because she refused, but now she is getting the best shift and only losing one day, I have the worst shift now and only gaining one day. 4 days would be worth it because I would just switch my days and nights around permanently, but this really sucks! Everyone will be alseep soon after I come on duty, and I will never be able to get to know any of them, plus we have the clinic on Saturday and church on Sunday, and I help get who ever needs to see the doctor signed up and seen and encourage those that want to, to go to church, and just spend the day with them. I don't know what to do, I am really upset over this:(