What Do You Write When You Don't Know What to Write?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I've got a million and three thoughts running through my brain right now. Thoughts about how proud I am of myself today, exercising even though what I really wanted to do was lay down and take a nap with the boys. Thoughts about how much harder dancing was than I expected it to be (and how much of a sweat I worked up with it). Thoughts of needing to change my diet more and needing to get more healthy things in the house. Thoughts of the new medication I'm going to be on and what kind of changes it will bring me. Thoughts of the swaps that I need to do and how I'm feeling behind. Thoughts of cleaning the house. Thoughts of the blog that I've neglected since Saturday. Thoughts of the LJ that I've neglected for far longer. Thoughts of the week to come. Thoughts of what another day of snow day for the kids will do to my already iffy sanity.
Sometimes I think I have too many things running through my brain. It's another reason why I need to find a way to focus and get organized. Because I know that my disorganization in my life is reflected in the disorganization in my mind. I'm trying to find ways to organize myself and I AM making small progress. I don't get on the computer as soon as I come downstairs any more. I usually will try to figure out what I have going on and try to get a little cleaning done. I am working out and logging my food. Those are steps in the right direction. Yet it doesn't seem enough somehow.
I need to find ways to calm my mind and soothe my soul. I need to find a quiet place within myself to retreat to when things feel overwhelming. Like everything else, I know it will take time. I need to do a little every day until it becomes habit. I need to accept that I can't do or be everything. I need to understand that sometimes things won't go my way.
Maybe I need to write some of this down and read it daily. Find a way to remind myself of the reality of the situation, rather than the overblown concerns that have a tendency to overwhelm me.