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negative self talk

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

this morning i showed rob the vlog by jmerlau about his 100 pound weight loss. he watched it and mused about how running is so hard on your body, then talked about how bicycling was probably easier (i pointed out that being 100 pounds overweight is hard on your body too). then he said "well--i can never seem to stick with anything".
i wanted to scream.
i did point out to him that he was engaging in negative self talk, and giving himself a REASON to stop trying. he insisted he wasn't being negative, just honest.
the truth of the matter is--we become our thoughts.
and if your thoughts are all negative--then voila--they do become the truth--but that is only because YOU make them the truth.
this is a lifelong legacy left to him by a mother and father who lavished unending negative talk on their only child. everything was terrible, everyone was out to cheat them, nothing he ever did was praised--always criticized.
this is a horrible mindset to press into a childs mind. it never leaves them. and it can prevent them from doing so much good and becoming what they are capable of.
i was basically ignored in my home--but i think of the two alternatives i would choose that one.
he is a lot better than he used to be--but sometimes when he is faced with a success that he wishes for in his own life and sees it made manifest in the life of someone else, those old voices begin to speak again--and he begins to listen.
if you could see the gardens and structures he has built here, and knew about his job, and realized all the things he has learned to do with no one instructing him you would know how wrong he is. but those voices can make him blind to all his achievments and steal the hope of future accomplishments.
i understand that the only way i can silence those voices is by constructing as much as i can that will just draw him along until he looks around and realizes that they are wrong.
i found a schedule for how to train for a 5 k race--i made two copies and put them on the refrigerator. when the weather breaks and we can run outdoors, we will begin training for it. and in the meantime we need to have a serious talk about the destructive nature of this self talk to him and me.
parents--find the greatness in your kids and tell them what it is.
don't be the voice they hate to hear as adults.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 4EVERFIT011
    Thanks for the reminder on how important it is to keep our thoughts positive. I know for myself I too easily go down that negative road.
    3099 days ago
  • DEBBAK710
    I definitely need to remember that one. Too many times do I say to myself during the course of a day, "I can't do this!", "I don't care, just eat it", "I'll never lose the weight, I'm just meant to be this way, I guess", and the many other comments I may make to myself. Thank you for reminding us to stay positive and only positive things will come.
    3099 days ago
  • no profile photo RIDLEYRIDER
    You are right...eventually we believe what we hear about ourselves (as in negative criticism while growing up)and that carries over into adulthood. I'm still fighting those demons in my late 50s.
    Good luck to you. emoticon
    3099 days ago
  • PARKERB2
    Thanks for reminding me to watch my negative thoughts. Sometimes we can revert back to that kind of behavior before we know it. Keep up the good work. Hope your Buddy listens to your good advice. Keep Sparking.
    3099 days ago
  • DISP715
    Well good luck with everything. We can't change how another person thinks and we can't make them do something they really aren't committed too. I do have a suggestion about the running thing. I joined the couch to 5K team about 12 weeks ago. It was really hard and I really tried to follow the weekly program. About 5 weeks ago I came across the Chirunning program. It is a program that uses body mechanics to run and insists that running can be injury free. I went to a workshop this past weekend and it was great. The theory makes a lot of sense and it definitely made my running easier. There is a Chirunning team here on SP or you can check it out on Chirunning.com. Have a great day!
    3099 days ago
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