negative self talk
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
this morning i showed rob the vlog by jmerlau about his 100 pound weight loss. he watched it and mused about how running is so hard on your body, then talked about how bicycling was probably easier (i pointed out that being 100 pounds overweight is hard on your body too). then he said "well--i can never seem to stick with anything".
i wanted to scream.
i did point out to him that he was engaging in negative self talk, and giving himself a REASON to stop trying. he insisted he wasn't being negative, just honest.
the truth of the matter is--we become our thoughts.
and if your thoughts are all negative--then voila--they do become the truth--but that is only because YOU make them the truth.
this is a lifelong legacy left to him by a mother and father who lavished unending negative talk on their only child. everything was terrible, everyone was out to cheat them, nothing he ever did was praised--always criticized.
this is a horrible mindset to press into a childs mind. it never leaves them. and it can prevent them from doing so much good and becoming what they are capable of.
i was basically ignored in my home--but i think of the two alternatives i would choose that one.
he is a lot better than he used to be--but sometimes when he is faced with a success that he wishes for in his own life and sees it made manifest in the life of someone else, those old voices begin to speak again--and he begins to listen.
if you could see the gardens and structures he has built here, and knew about his job, and realized all the things he has learned to do with no one instructing him you would know how wrong he is. but those voices can make him blind to all his achievments and steal the hope of future accomplishments.
i understand that the only way i can silence those voices is by constructing as much as i can that will just draw him along until he looks around and realizes that they are wrong.
i found a schedule for how to train for a 5 k race--i made two copies and put them on the refrigerator. when the weather breaks and we can run outdoors, we will begin training for it. and in the meantime we need to have a serious talk about the destructive nature of this self talk to him and me.
parents--find the greatness in your kids and tell them what it is.
don't be the voice they hate to hear as adults.