To lose control and get back on
Monday, January 24, 2011
I had a really busy kind of stressful week. I had written that I had class Friday morning and then work until late Friday night. Well I was really nervous/excited about my very first day of class at my brand new college. I got up super early more because I woke up and then couldn't fall back to sleep. I had originally planned to get up at 6 to go to the gym. But when I couldn't fall back to sleep I decided to take the stress off slightly I would do my stationary bike at home. Now being the cocky jerk I am, I said to myself "oh the bike is too easy it's not a good enough workout". Well let me tell you, I was sore the entire rest of the day. My thighs were BURNING. And while I was on the bike I used my medicine ball to workout my arms and man they're still sore. So it felt good to change up my routine and was actually just reading an article on Daily Spark about cross training and how beneficial it is. And while I know I didn't get my heart rate as high as I do when I run, the tension and feeling of using different muscles felt like a great workout and made me feel good the rest of the day. It's also more therapeutic and more of a stress reliever because I'm home so there's no worry that I will be late because if I look at the clock and I am running behind I just get up and get in the shower and not worry about getting changed and driving home. So Fridays that is my new routine.
ANYWAY. I got sidetracked. I was up super early and did the bike for an hour. I showered and had a lot of spare time. I kind of relaxed and watched TV, and left for class very early. I got there 40 minutes before the class (that's just me. I have anxiety so if I don't leave a lot of time on the first day of anything I will literally cry and not even go). I'd never been to the campus before so I'm glad I did because there were like seventy six parking lots. Well after finding my classroom and joining the group of students waiting for class to start, the professor pokes his head in five minutes before the class was supposed to begin and says it was cancelled. I checked my email a hundred times and no one ever emailed or wrote it on the school’s website that this class was cancelled. So a thirty minute drive and being up since 6 all excited and nervous for nothing.
So long story short this was stressful week. Work was busy and I’ve been working out 6 days a week so it does make me tired. And that’s one of my biggest concerns lately is being tired. It’s actually kind of a problem in a way. Not that I am tired during the day at work, but it seems like any time after 5pm I could fall asleep if I got comfortable. And it’s taking a toll on my relationship in a way because really the time we spend together is in the evening after work and I can’t even keep my eyes open to watch a movie. And it upsets me because I’ll be in the mood to really enjoy time with him and it’s like I fall asleep before I get a chance. I get enough sleep because some nights I go to bed and get 7-8, but find I only need about 6-7 hours to feel okay. If I go to bed too early I wake up like an hour before my alarm and can’t go back because it’s like my body is done sleeping. I am up early most mornings, between 6am and 7, and workout for about an hour or an hour and a half some days. And I feel fantastic for most of the day from about 9 until maybe 5 or 6. But after that I really feel myself losing steam. And I’m fueling myself properly, I eat a lot of protein and have started adding slightly more whole grains and trying to get over my carbphobia. I eat tons of fruits and vegetables, enough spinach to smother someone, and only drink one SOMETIMES two cups of coffee a day. And I know how bad it is to load up on the coffee but sometimes I even begin to drag at about 4 and will have a coffee to get me through the last few hours of work and then getting home and making dinner. I got bloodwork and the Epstein bar is there as it usually is, but isn’t more elevated so it’s not like it’s spiking. I guess I just need to play with my sleep schedule, maybe see about working out at home another day of the week to add about a half hour to my sleep schedule. Or…something I really don’t want to do, give myself TWO full days of rest from exercise to sleep late and recover. But my obsessive compulsive mind would have a lot of trouble with that.
So other than that, I was pretty darn good this week EXCEPT….last night. I had a compulsory, uncontrollable, fat girl night where I think I made up for the week of being “perfect”. Now I can blame the vitamins because I just found out today that vitamins increase appetite, my doctor told me DIRECTLY. But I ate balanced meals ALL day and was getting dinner in Foodtown and saw Popchips on sale. I love them so I got a bag and told myself I’d eat half (about 180 calories) and leave the rest for Matt. Well, I ate my dinner and even though I wasn’t “starving” I opened the chips. And I ate…and ate…and ate. Until the bag turned up empty. Okay, I told myself 300-400 calories accidentally eaten, I was only at about 800 for the day anyway. So I thought that was the end. Oh no. I’m PMSing so once I taste salt, I need MORE salt. I crave salt and chocolate on my period. So I had a little 70 calorie bag of chips that I’d taken home from a diner the other day. Oh boy. Yep. The diner where I had eggplant rolatini. Don’t remind me. Anyway in other words, to keep it short, last night I ate everything in sight. An entire bag of Magic Pops and about a cup of leftover pasta, and then some applebutter. So it just was never ending, all finishing up with a popsicle. I felt sick and full and unsatisfied. But I had to tell myself I’m not perfect, I’m in a good place and while it’s good this doesn’t happen EVERY night, I will try to keep it from happening again as much as I can. I will change the time of day I take the vitamin so I am not hungry mid-day, and I will make more of an effort to make dinner more satisfying so that I am not hungry afterward. So this morning I did some interval training to make up for it, which I hadn’t done in a VERY long time. It felt good to be pushing myself again. I’d gotten comfortable with my running pace and want to start trying to improve it and cannot wait to see what it is OUTSIDE on actual dirt and not on a treadmill.
So in short, I had a good week except for 2 nights. One was last night and the other was a night where once again my Mom had me go to dinner with her and it was Italian and while I thought I’d asked for simple eggplant with no cheese I got eggplant rolitini and ended up eating the whole thing (without pasta thank god). But that was truly my fault. I got too hungry and when I get hungry I make bad choices. I do. So I am calling that one as my fault. And last night I’m blaming on mother natures time of the month lol.
Well as usual I am falling asleep sitting up. So I’ll probably be writing more tomorrow since I’m off other than a very early class. I write more on my days off because days I work when I come home I need like to zone out and not focus on anything. So it’s easier to focus my thoughts on my days off. Have a good one everyone and remember tomorrows a new day to fix yesterdays mistakes.