Friends who don't help

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I have a friend who doesn't help with my weight loss efforts. In fact she hinders them. She likes to eat 6 times or more a day. I can't eat like that and lose weight. When I say eat, I mean eat. She thinks I should eat with her and is always bringing food over to my apartment. She says she doesn't want to eat alone.

Well, I got her talked into joining TOPS but I don't know how she is going to do. She needs to learn to eat small meals if she is going to eat 6 times a day. She has a weight problem, also. She's always saying she would like to lose some weight, but she doesn't do anything about it. I think it's because she doesn't know how. She's a little on the slow side, but she can learn if someone takes their time with her. I just get frustrated because I am trying to lose weight and she sabotages me.

I got her started exercising using the resistance bands. I showed her how to use them and she has been using them faithfully. It helps her use her excess energy.

She is diabetic and she watches her blood sugar, most of the time, but she doesn't watch her carbs very well. She is a nice person, but she gets under my skin sometimes and I try to remember she has problems and let it slide. I really need to quit eating at the wrong times of day though. Since she moved in next door, I have struggled to maintain the same weight and haven't lost any weight and that has been 7 months. Before that I lost 40 lbs. so it's making a huge difference in me.

What can I do besides refusing to eat with her, which I do lots of times.
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  • no profile photo CD616459
    Good suggestions here. Maybe offer to cook meals together at your place and maybe have her bring salad or fruit then show her some ways she can cook healthier. Lots of good recipes and tips right here on sparkpeople. Maybe even check out new recipes together.
    3683 days ago
  • KRISTI2661
    People have given you some great advice here. Let us know how it goes.
    3686 days ago
  • BELLE0308
    Lots of great advice! I guess I can only really offer support. I go through the same thing with my husband. He means well, but he tends to do things that sabotage my efforts. I also have some challenges at work. Try your best to stay strong and motivate her also. You are doing WONDERFUL and the fact that you recognize this as a struggle instead of just giving in is great too.
    3686 days ago
    maybe measure and log the food she brings in with her and let her see the calorie count of her meal... then show her a healthy meal with a healthy calorie count...

    also, explain to her how long it can take to burn 100 calories... then tell her how long it will take to burn all those calories she brought in the door with her...

    you might have to make a grand stand... and you might have to sever the relationship, but your health is ultimately what has to be the priority...

    ~ be good to yourself
    ~ Barbara
    3686 days ago
    I had a friend that was something like this. She always wanted me to go out to lunch with her and once tried for over a week to get me to try order a dish that had over 50 grams of fat in the lunch portion (she loved the dish and wanted me to try it). After nicely declining several times I finally had to get tough. One day when she was trying to get me to order that fatty dish again I got mad. I mean I got really ANGRY and she knows me well enough to know that doesn't happen often. I blew up and told her that she knows that I'm diabetic and can't eat that crap and a real friend wouldn't keep trying to push me to eat it. She was taken aback but later she talked to her mother about it and her mother agreed with me and put her in her place also. After that she actually started walking with me on lunches (briefly - she couldn't handle it) and when we went out for lunch she suggested places where she knew that I could get a healthy meal. Cut to 2 years later. We're still friends and now she's trying to drop a few pounds. We hit the gym together (even though she cancels about as much as she shows up) and talk healthy eating.
    3686 days ago
  • DAV128
    I think you're right, somebody needs to lead her by the hand. I subscribe to the philosophy of eating several small meals as opposed to just a couple of large ones. Sounds like your plan calls for this as well. Why don't you invite her over for a couple of meals with you planning the menu, then she can see that eating smaller meals more often can stay your appetite, yet give you the nutrition you need to be healthy.

    Good Luck emoticon
    3686 days ago
    Next time she comes over, tell her you are doing well watching what you eat and as your friend you are sure she wants to support this. If she does not like to eat alone you would be happy to share your salad (or another healthy choice)
    with her.
    Or you could suggest that you exercise together in place of eating.
    I know this is hard but you are what is important in your journey.
    Be firm.
    3686 days ago
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