Saturday, January 22, 2011
Warning: This is more intended to be a pep talk for myself, than it is for anyone else.
I have been trying to get into a maintenance mode weight wise since early December. First, I lowered my exercise from 60 minutes per day most days to 45 minutes per day most days and over the course of a month, I lost a pound or two. So then I decided in mid January that I would lower the exercise one more time to 40 minutes per day most days and continue to leave the calories the same. Only been at this level for one week and with my cycle, I will wait the full month again and see how it is going.
Why do I need a peptalk at this point? Honestly, a part of me, says I have made it to my goal weight, shouldn't I be allowed to stop counting calories completely? Do I really need to keep the calories in check to where I get upset when I go over? I have been over calorie twice in 5 days. Why? One day was hunger. The other day was homemade bread. I love and adore bread. My birthday was January 11th and do you know what appealed to me to do for my birthday? Go out for some fresh baked bread from a local bakery. We did this today and ate it at home. I weighed my bread slices and tried not to overeat. I don't think I did, yet, but there is still more of the cinnamon bread that I love and adore left. It is just slightly sweet which is delicious.
I know that my real problem has always been food. I know if I don't watch what I eat, I overeat. If I don't track my calories, how do I know where I am when I get hungry after I exercise? How can I make an informed choice? So I am okay with tracking for life perhaps, but it is also depressing and I am wondering how to stay motivated to keep it up. Especially if I find that I can't raise the calories a little bit in mid February. (I truely hope I can raise them a bit more sticking with 40 minutes per day of exercise.)
What have I accomplished in loosing 50 pounds? I have a longer endurance for exercise. I can go faster speeds at higher inclines for longer times on my treadmill and I believe outside too. IE my outdoor walks also increased in speed. My cholesterol and fasting sugar scores have come down by a fair amount. So I can hold off that possibly inevitable diabetes for much longer. I look better than I used to, except for some loose skin around my stomach. (Argh.)
But I don't think I have more energy per se, like many have said in the past. I don't feel happier per se, either. Actually to be honest, I feel like I have been grouchier of late. How can I motivate myself to keep this weight off? How much would it hurt me if I allowed myself to gain a little? I lost 50 pounds and that is a lot, but I don't feel tremendously better for it, like many would have me believe, I guess? Even though I do feel better, a bit. I do think I am healthier for it. I do think I probably have a better chance of watching my 13 year old son have kids of his own some day.