I am winging this entry and may not get to my goal of identifying 5 lies I have convinced myself that are true in just one posting...but I'm going to give it a try to get this goal met. This week one of my 3 goals was to identify 5 deceptions I have trained myself to belive. My "NO EXCUSES" group had a guest speaker talk at our last meeting and the thing that hit me the hardest was identifying the lies we tell ourselves/myself.
Lie #1. I can do this (weight loss) by myself. Nope, Notta, Doesn't seem to work for me. Without me accounting to someone, I can convince myself of anything I want. I can restart over and over, I can cheat, I can put "it off", I can be too tired, I can have "just one more". I obviously dont have control over myself at all times like I have control of everything else in my life. I really need tools (food/nutrition logs), water, family support, and friends that push me to make good decisions and not to get sidetracked with things I have no control over.
Lie #2. I don't have time to exercise the regularly. I have let my fitness really decline after I worked very hard to get my body in long distance running shape. Geesh....I wish I could go back to that time and keep the regression from occuring because it took so much regular effort to get me to that point. Now, I have this thought in my mind that it will take too much time and too much effort to get "fit" again. WHAT??? What am I thinking?? I know better....but man, it sure sounds good on a cold night after work or climbing out of a warm bed. Granted, I don't have alot of "down time" but I have room to add more movement to my life and actually, I believe that my lack of having a goal/adventure in mind has made it easier to be distracted from regualar workouts. I need to commit to a few challenging events and commit to a moderate term goal and go for it! When did I become so complacent?
Lie #3. I can say no and mean it to any food at any time. Again.....Not me! Depending on mood, stress, fatigue etc. I can fall victim to my addictive personality and drown myself in my drug of choice....food. I am not a person who can confidently have a small serving of most carbs, especially any of my favorites, and be able to stop there. I fool myself all the time with "nearly invisible" slivers of leftovers/pumpkin pie/potato chips/cheese/red velvet cake/ - fill in the blank-. I think that no one will notice....well not until it becomes 2/3 of the pie, or 3/4 of a bag and then the sin is too obvious to everyone else that I have to get rid of the evidence by throwing it away or giving to the dog or....you get the drift. Funny thing is...the only person this really hurts is me and the only person that really gets lied to is me. I have kno acknowledge that there are some things I just cannot "play" with and trust that I can stay in control.
Lie #4. I am not worth the effort. Yeap, this is a biggy that bounces around when I think of all the people that have let me down and the loss of feeling unconditional love through life events. I listen to the old tapes in my head that say I am lazy, selfish, manipulative, worthless, not good enough, disappointing, and unlovable. My head knows this isn't true, but my heart doesn't always process what my brian knows. I fear failure and failure makes all these things in my head appear to be a self fulfilling prophicy. I am afraid of proving these thoughts right.
Lie #5. If I cant do this perfectly, then I fail. (see number 4). I put som much pressure on myself to have to do "it" perfectly and hold myself to a higher standard than I would expect from anyone else, then when I fall short...the internal tongue lashing begins and is done and said in ways that I would NEVER allow another person to treat another. However, it's quite OK if I talk to and treat MYSELF this way. Damn....that takes ALOT of energy and of course since it's not possible to be "perfect", failure is inevitable. I think this lie and lie #4 may be best addressed with journaling/prayer/bible study....and maybe even fasting. I want to look into the role of fasting in some of these lies I tell myself.
I know there are MANY more lies....I want to mindfully look at my behavior and choices and see where the lies come into play. I want to analyze why they are present, what they are and what I want to do about them.
Alright...enough for now!
Keep the momentum going!