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Lazy Day or Maybe a Little Down

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't want to move, I don't want to do anything really. I know I need to do my strength training and to get in some cardio. I know that I didn't need to eat as much as I did for lunch and that two glasses of water when its 2:30 is not good enough. I don't know what it is. I wanted to go back to bed this morning even though I knew I wasn't tired. I just didn't want to be up. I thought about getting dressed but I couldn't decide what to wear. I weighed this morning and I know I shouldn't do it every day but I just do. Normally I remind myself that it doesn't matter what it says its the week that counts. I know that even if I do gain weight I exercise and eat right and a weight gain could indicate increased muscle. I know that the scale is not a measure of my worth but rather my determination, drive, and perseverance. I with my fancy psychology degree know all of these things.

However, knowing does me no good. I still cringed when I saw that my weight had gone back up to my start for this week and then wanted to cry when it went up to 156 after I ate. Hello it was after I ate of course I weighed more. I figure it bothered me because I wasn't in the greatest of moods when I woke up. Then I had a normal breakfast but decided to eat a huge amount for lunch. I'm not going to go over for my calories or even make it close to the high end of the range and I did make healthy choices having two low calorie wraps, two servings of green olives, a serving of turkey pepperoni, and a glass of V8. It wasn't bad calorie wise at all but I wasn't that hungry so why did I eat so much? I'm glad I didn't have some of the tater tots the kids had or a danish like my daughter but still why did I eat such a large amount. Now of course I'm seriously full and feel awful.

I don't know I've been upset since last night when my mom decided to skip her workout. I think I may be too worried about her progress and am in turn sabotaging my own. I want her to be successful but I know I need to be supportive without relying on her to make myself worthy. I also know that she is much older than I am and what I do is probably too much for her. Although I'm not so sure that ten minutes was really that much to ask. Ugh I just need to accept the fact that I'm on my journey and she's on hers and if she stops her journey it does not mean I'm a failure. It means that she made a choice for her life that does not affect my life or my choices. See there's that degree again. Doesn't do me much good if I don't listen to the things I know. I don't know I just want us both to be successful and happy so I guess I'll just keep leading by example.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Some days are just like that. Don't beat yourself up.
    You know you will have a sensible dinner.
    Yes, you are on separate journeys. Everybody is different. Hers may progress more slowly. You cannot rely on her success to validate yours.
    You can't force somebody to eat right and exercise. It's something they need to do on their own. Just be there for her if she needs you.
    2978 days ago
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