Lazy Day or Maybe a Little Down
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't want to move, I don't want to do anything really. I know I need to do my strength training and to get in some cardio. I know that I didn't need to eat as much as I did for lunch and that two glasses of water when its 2:30 is not good enough. I don't know what it is. I wanted to go back to bed this morning even though I knew I wasn't tired. I just didn't want to be up. I thought about getting dressed but I couldn't decide what to wear. I weighed this morning and I know I shouldn't do it every day but I just do. Normally I remind myself that it doesn't matter what it says its the week that counts. I know that even if I do gain weight I exercise and eat right and a weight gain could indicate increased muscle. I know that the scale is not a measure of my worth but rather my determination, drive, and perseverance. I with my fancy psychology degree know all of these things.
However, knowing does me no good. I still cringed when I saw that my weight had gone back up to my start for this week and then wanted to cry when it went up to 156 after I ate. Hello it was after I ate of course I weighed more. I figure it bothered me because I wasn't in the greatest of moods when I woke up. Then I had a normal breakfast but decided to eat a huge amount for lunch. I'm not going to go over for my calories or even make it close to the high end of the range and I did make healthy choices having two low calorie wraps, two servings of green olives, a serving of turkey pepperoni, and a glass of V8. It wasn't bad calorie wise at all but I wasn't that hungry so why did I eat so much? I'm glad I didn't have some of the tater tots the kids had or a danish like my daughter but still why did I eat such a large amount. Now of course I'm seriously full and feel awful.
I don't know I've been upset since last night when my mom decided to skip her workout. I think I may be too worried about her progress and am in turn sabotaging my own. I want her to be successful but I know I need to be supportive without relying on her to make myself worthy. I also know that she is much older than I am and what I do is probably too much for her. Although I'm not so sure that ten minutes was really that much to ask. Ugh I just need to accept the fact that I'm on my journey and she's on hers and if she stops her journey it does not mean I'm a failure. It means that she made a choice for her life that does not affect my life or my choices. See there's that degree again. Doesn't do me much good if I don't listen to the things I know. I don't know I just want us both to be successful and happy so I guess I'll just keep leading by example.