Having flashbacks and needing help
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I went to the dr last week for a UTI and he asked me if I had the routine tests you have when you turned 50. Of course my answer was NO. (I turned 50 in 08) So he says well I guess we need to get those scheduled and I agreed. I felt fine about getting these test done untill I got the paperwork in the mail and all the sudden everything came crashing down on me. At first I couldn't figure out what was going on ... I was literally standing there shaking, having trouble breathing, and feeling dizzy. Then I got to thinking about what was causing such a reaction, DUH,that is how my battle with bc began. I went in for my baseline mammo, at 41 (because I kept blowing it off) and found out I had bc. I am scheduled for a colonoscopy & IVP on Feb 1 .Tues I went to a Urologist and he felt since I have been having so many UTI's that I should have an IVP. My dad died from kidney cancer so he felt that I should have everything checked out. I am having flashbacks of everything I went through with bc. I am really stressed and scared, even though I know there shouldn't be any reason to be because they are routine.
I have really been having a hard time getting motivated to loose weight. I have gained 14 pounds, my blood pressure is up, my bones hurt from the extra weight, all that should give me the motivation because I HATE how I feel now. I think about it constantly, talked to myself about it, I even dream about it. I am so frustrated with myself and that leads to having bad thoughts and focusing on what I haven't done. This last weight gain has scared me because I can't do some of the things I use to be able to do. I don't have any support at home and I know no one can do this for me I have to do it myself but I need someone to encourage me and support me and tell me to get my butt up and MOVE! So I am asking my spark friends to help me out with some encouragement or give me some tips on how to change this pattern. I am tired of struggling with my weight... I know it is putting my health at risk and I know I need to change now before it is too late.