Having flashbacks and needing help

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I went to the dr last week for a UTI and he asked me if I had the routine tests you have when you turned 50. Of course my answer was NO. (I turned 50 in 08) So he says well I guess we need to get those scheduled and I agreed. I felt fine about getting these test done untill I got the paperwork in the mail and all the sudden everything came crashing down on me. At first I couldn't figure out what was going on ... I was literally standing there shaking, having trouble breathing, and feeling dizzy. Then I got to thinking about what was causing such a reaction, DUH,that is how my battle with bc began. I went in for my baseline mammo, at 41 (because I kept blowing it off) and found out I had bc. I am scheduled for a colonoscopy & IVP on Feb 1 .Tues I went to a Urologist and he felt since I have been having so many UTI's that I should have an IVP. My dad died from kidney cancer so he felt that I should have everything checked out. I am having flashbacks of everything I went through with bc. I am really stressed and scared, even though I know there shouldn't be any reason to be because they are routine.
I have really been having a hard time getting motivated to loose weight. I have gained 14 pounds, my blood pressure is up, my bones hurt from the extra weight, all that should give me the motivation because I HATE how I feel now. I think about it constantly, talked to myself about it, I even dream about it. I am so frustrated with myself and that leads to having bad thoughts and focusing on what I haven't done. This last weight gain has scared me because I can't do some of the things I use to be able to do. I don't have any support at home and I know no one can do this for me I have to do it myself but I need someone to encourage me and support me and tell me to get my butt up and MOVE! So I am asking my spark friends to help me out with some encouragement or give me some tips on how to change this pattern. I am tired of struggling with my weight... I know it is putting my health at risk and I know I need to change now before it is too late.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You can do it. Start slow by just moving for a few minutes--something simple like walking--then gradually add more minutes. You can do it. Oh, did I say that already? Well you can. emoticon
    3755 days ago
    Kathy, my dear friend, your sp pals are here for you. I am glad you had the courage to come back and share your feelings and fears with us. We will be with you encouraging you and praying for positive results. You know you can call me if you need to. I lost your #, so I'll spark mail you mine again. Just keep smiling, thinking you are fine, start back slow, exercise for ten minutes, take a little walk, have some precious "Me Time". You are going to conquer all of this, my prayers are going non-stop for a good report. Love U emoticon emoticon Inga
    3756 days ago
    Good luck!
    3761 days ago
    WOW thanks so much for the support and advice!!! I am feeling better and I know I can do this with all your support! It is so nice to be able to vent to people who know what you are going through. I hope everyone has a GREAT day!!
    HUGS, Kathy
    3761 days ago
    I have a quote from Charles Swindoll that helps me in times like these, (as Deena said, all tests are scary now)
    It is titled "Attitude", it's a long quote but one of the lines I love is:
    "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it."
    I truely believe even the worst (or best) can be turned around depending on my attitude. WE SURVIVED BC and that is BIG! Now we can face anything head on and overcome it! SOOOOO here is the kick in the butt you asked for sister, lets get moving together!!!!!
    Support is something we all all need and WE have to ask, and I am so greatful WE have this site to encourage US along the way.
    So let's all have ATTITUDE!!!!!
    Your SP sister,
    Marilyn emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3761 days ago
    I echo the sentiments and instruction already posted by these wise women.
    I'm a year older than you, already had my colonoscopy done a couple years back... so I'm good now for a while. Went through my BC 'crud' last year...Thankfully my 6 month report came back good.

    Basically, I'm here to encourage and support you and tell you to get up off your butt and MOVE!
    (Hey! You did ask for it! *grin*)
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Try one of SPs 10 minute videos; they helped me get to where I am. emoticon
    Drink cranberry juice too, I hear it's great for urinary tract health.
    I wish you the best. emoticon
    3761 days ago
    All the advice here is excellent so there isn't much I can add.

    Once you have had cancer, EVERY test, mammo, etc. turns into a scary ordeal because of the "what if they find cancer". I was never like that until the breast cancer. See, I have trouble even calling it " my breast cancer"- it's always "the" breast cancer. Your fears are very normal altho knowing that doesn't help.

    What I do when negative or scary thoughts keep popping into my head is "insert" a positive one. I choose a positive thought or mental scene ahead of time that I'll use so it will be the same one to insert. (Makes it easier). After you do this consciously a few times, you train your mind to automatically "insert" the good one. You have beautiful grandchildren, maybe a scene of them playing could be your positive "insert".

    I hope this makes sense, I have fibro fog today which steals my words.

    Big hugs!

    3761 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4114604
    I am sorry that you are feeling so stressed and scared.
    But we are here for to the forum..and or stop by my page if and when you feel like you need to vent..or just talk.
    I am new to BC..just was diagnosed this past November..and i am about to start Chemo..i am scared..but i do know i need and want to stay positive and keep my sense of humor through all of this.
    The wonderful ladies in the Team are a huge Help. I think you did good by writing a blog and then coming to the forum to visit. It helps a lot to get your feelings out.
    Now about the Colonoscopy..please have it done...the test itself (i had my 1st one done last year) is not painful i promise you..the darn liquid one has to drink is nasty though!!

    Lynn and Julie already gave you some great advice..and i agree with both...keep busy...distract yourself (grandchildren are a wonderful distraction) and most of all keep saying to yourself 'All will be fine..the test will come back normal" stay have already proved once how strong of a woman you can and will be able to get through this too.

    And about exercising..gaining weight?
    Start with small steps...make some you will walk one week you add 1/2mile more (for example) make it a point to exercise at least 15min a day..and then gradually increase. Make good food choices and your weight will come off!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3761 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2011 7:18:43 AM
    I am sorry to hear that you have so much going on right now. I think Lynn's suggestions are good ones. I am not going through the same exact thing that you are, but I can relate to your worries. I just finished treatment - am still healing - and I am just so anxious to hear someone tell me that there is no cancer left. I have a counselor, which could be an option for you (or a chaplain) if you felt you needed the extra support. At any rate, my counselor told me that when I was worried about the extra tests I'd be having, I should ask myself these questions:

    1. Do I have any control over the problem/situation?
    2. What do I have control over?
    3. If I do have control, is there anything I can do about it right now?
    4. Is now a good time to be working on this?

    I know they sound silly/simple at times, but it helping me come down to earth, so to speak. Perhaps these questions could help you too?

    At any rate, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and there are lots of people here on Spark who DO care. I hope you'll keep posting. Be kind to yourself!
    3762 days ago
    Thanks Lynn... I really appreciate it. My grands are coming tomorrow and I will have them til Sunday so that will help alot.
    3762 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    You have a lot going on right now. I had my first colonoscopy last year. I too was fearful, my dad died of bowel cancer. I wrote the date on the calendar and decided to do my best to forget about it till it was time to prepare for it. Maybe it will help if I tell you what I did. I kept busy cleaning the house, Sparking, walking the dog, listening to audio books (all the time!), going to the gym, anything but sit around and worry. In the morning I started waking up to an alarm clock and jumping out of bed in the morning and having a shower right away so I wouldn't lay in bed and think about it and start off the day in a lousy way.

    Do what you can to make yourself feel better so you can keep going till then.

    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - Christopher Robin to Pooh

    Please keep blogging so we can keep in touch.


    3762 days ago
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