Taking off the Training Wheels (Naked Without Gadgets)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I have mixed feelings about this one, folks.
As I shared in my last blog, I had noticed a little increase in my anxiety around my eating and calorie watching. I received such great support and feedback, and I've done a lot of reflecting this past week. A few days ago, I did something bold (well, I think it's bold, lol): I removed my body bugg and I stopped counting calories. I did both of these things on the same day, sort of like ripping a band-aid off in one fell swoop.
Right away that little voice (and I do mean little--she's got much less oomph behind her than she did two years ago!) piped up and told me, "It's just a matter of time now before you start gaining weight." The part of me that's already feeling a little anxious latched right on to that, and for a brief moment, I BELIEVED that little voice. Silly me.
Then I got real. The good thing about all the tools that I used to help me lose weight is that they'll still be here any time I feel like I need them. If I feel like I need to go back to diligent calorie counting? My calorie tracker will still be here. If I feel like I need to keep better track of the calories I'm burning? I can pull the body bugg out of the drawer. It's scary to take off the training wheels, really scary. It's intimidating to imagine going forward trusting myself (it's much easier for me to trust the technology and the math/science!). And that's okay. I can be with that scariness. Because it's okay to trust myself to make healthy, appropriate decisions. It's also okay to look again for help (if I decide I need it).
So far I've had a couple of great days--my eating is unremarkable. I listen to my hunger cues, and I eat accordingly. I focus on feeding my body what it needs nutritionally (especially with the training schedule I'm working right now!). It feels lovely--the closest to "normal" I've felt around food and eating in my entire life! I deserve to enjoy it. I owe it to the woman/girl that struggled and wanted some clue about how to eat normally most of her life to enjoy it. :-) And so I intend to.