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Fat Failure Attitude to Hope Again

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

This last couple of days have been a swing in attitude. I still was very tired yesterday (Sunday) and still had a headache and sore shoulders & neck. But I had set a date with my oldest daughter to go to JoAnn's in the afternoon to look at home decor fabrics on sale. My Christmas gift to her was to make curtains for her living room. Well, after looking for an hour, she picked what she wanted except that the color she wanted was out of stock. As we were figuring out how much she needed and how much it was going to cost, she said it was too expensive. We decided to go over to WalMart and she found curtains she liked there for a third of the cost! Made it easier on me emoticon

On the way home I stopped at Sam's Club, Sprouts, then King Soopers. I was tired when I got home. As I was putting groceries away, I noticed my daughter just leaning against the counter like she was waiting for something. Then, it HIT me ... she got a nose ring. I couldn't say anything, I was too upset. She left.

Well, needless to say, that really put me into a bad mood. I began thinking of all my failures and things spiraled downward from there. I went to bed early (8:45) and dreamed of failures all night. This morning I began talking to myself about how I was a big FAT failure, that I had worked for 21 years trying to lose weight and have gotten nowhere.

Well, I had an appointment at 9:00 at Balance Fitness for a fitness assessment with a personal trainer. I went ahead and went, figuring I had nothing to lose -- it was free.
She was very nice. She did all sorts of measurements -- even used the fat caliber thing and measured different areas of my body's fat. Then she put me through different exercises to measure my strength and endurance.

As we were talking, she asked me want do I want? I didn't really hesitate - I do WANT to lose this weight and become fit and healthy. She wanted to know if I wanted a personal trainer to help. She gave me her rates and I ended up setting another appointment with her for this Saturday. I said I needed to talk to me husband before setting any more. But at that point I think I had already decided to do at least 4 sessions with her. I liked her and besides she is on SparkPeople!

She gave me a cardio routine to work on 4 times this week. I did the first one after our meeting. I was sweating and puffing by the time I was done. I haven't really sweated as much with my workouts. lol.

That workout really helped my attitude. Because as I did it I listened to Dennis Jernigan. God used his songs to show me that God cared for me and would help me through this weight loss process.

Then when I got home I got on to SP. Three things really spoke to me...
1) The devotion thread on Christians With 100 Pounds to Lose
"God honestly does know what we suffer through when we try to lose weight. He sympathizes with us in all our suffering, but He can also see the prize that awaits us."

2)A blog I read "suggested that an apology to Fat girl would help me move forward. I liked it. An apology. Begin Healing. Begin accepting that, while I can�t CHANGE the past, I CAN take responsibility for it and resolve to do better. "

3) A SP friends status..."I can either be loyal to honoring the Lord, my husband, and my body, or be loyal to my cravings, desires & excuses for not exercising."

God knew what I needed and after spending time reading His word and prayer, I am ready to push on.

Oh, by the way, I did talk with husband and he full supports me working with a personal trainer. God is good,all the time, all the time God is good!

Sun 1/17 & Mon 1/18

1) Blog daily Sun=NO; Sat= emoticon

2) Lose 5 lbs ... emoticon

3)Exercise daily for at least 20 min. ---- rest day

4) workout at least 3x's a week at gym -- Sun=NO, emoticon

5) Strength Training 3x's a week -- Sun=NO , emoticon

6) Drink a min of 8 glasses of water ea day. emoticon , emoticon

7) Follow a low-carb diet -- . emoticon , emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD8829652
    Carrie, I am so proud of you for working through that rough patch. I can tell you that the things you have described are things I too have struggled with! In the past I would just sink into a bad depression and eat myself silly. daughter too loves to tattoo her body and pierce her face! Drives me nuts. The first one was when she was 19. So I really didn't have any say in the matter. It was this huge ugly bar in her lip. She got sick of it pretty quick and let it close up. Yay! Then she got the nose ring. She doesn't always wear it. So that is good. She isn't allowed to wear any of that stuff at work thank goodness. The tattoos are covered by her shirt so I got over that pretty quick. I never seen them. Are kids are from a different generation and see this stuff differently than us. I can tell you I had lots of prayers with God for strength! Like Julia and you, I kept quiet. We want our relationships with are children to stay good, soooo...We listen to God and he reminds us that we don't own our children. They belong to HIM! What is important is that they know they belong to Him. My daughter does and I pray that your daughter does too.

    I am so happy that your hubbie is supporting your health goals in such a physical way. Being OK with part of the budget going to your goals is an incredible sign of his support! emoticon Carrie's hubbie!

    I am proud of you and motivated by you!
    3602 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4592528
    My dear friend, God loves you, you are more the sum of your past mistakes, you are designed and loved by God! And you are a blessing to so many of us Spark People! I think God has new things in store for you this year, and I'm here to emoticon you on! emoticon
    3603 days ago
    God is AWESOME! He took your anger and despair and turned it into determination and inspiration! You will do this!! You are inspiring me! emoticon
    3604 days ago
    You will succeed! It is inspiring to see how you got through this time, thank you for sharing your heart! I look forward to seeing you get stronger and have fun with the gym!
    It is wonderful you have a very supportive husband!
    Keep up the good work!
    3604 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1315172
    Look at those goals met! You are awesome! We can do this! I also was touched by something at our Faith Bible Institute class last night. God uses things we least expect to get our attention.
    3604 days ago
    Oh Dear Carrie! What a heartfelt and honest blog you have written! Satan cannot win here. You have the victory through our Lord and Jesus Christ and you are His child. You know that in your head, I pray that you believe that in your heart. Your daughter's nose ring is just that. Obviously, you have voiced your thoughts about that with her before, and she voiced hers right back to you! Thankfully, the hole in her nose can grow back at some point. My son had earrings, and would like his 4th tattoo. I know that his heart is with His Lord. I need my relationship with Andrew to be as solid as it can be, even through the many challenges we have had with him.

    You are lovable and capable Carrie. You are a treasure in God's eyes. I am so thankful that God worked on your head and heart and helped changed your thinking. I pray for protection from the evil one and his deceitfulness.

    And what a husband you have! He desires you to get that extra tutelage and accountability with a trainer. Having someone right there will be such a blessing for you and your exercise!

    Lots of love,
    Julia : )

    3604 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6427585
    AMEN! I am just loving watching how the Lord is working through you - and especially with that Gym!!! He really DOES bring success to our efforts! He DOES care! I'm SO happy for you! emoticon
    3605 days ago
    You can do it Carrie. Check out daily devotion that Irene posts on Tops Friends team. I know that speaks to me.
    3605 days ago
    Hang in there Carrie, you can do this!

    3605 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    3605 days ago
  • SJG1953
    Praying for you Carrie. God will work things out for you. Yes, God is good all the time! Bless His holy name forever! Hugs, Shirley
    3605 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9136158
    emoticon Don't let the daughters nose ring get you in a bad mood.. Kids will do stuff that presses buttons.. My oldest son is going through the "I am gothic" stage in life.. I have a 18 year old with 2 lip rings and his mohawk is high maintenance when going to parties. I think I use 1 can of extra strong hairspray each outing... Believe me a nose peircing is not the worst a mom can be exposed too lol.. The other teenage son, stiffs his nose up at clothing I purchase too, he is a bling bling animal and wants to look cool with the gals.. They both get told to purchase their own clothing.. I am not killing myself pleasing them anymore lol
    3605 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/18/2011 12:39:19 AM
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