I Feel the Need....

Monday, January 17, 2011

I feel the need to spill my guts, so here it goes. As you can see, I haven't posted a blog since OCT. I also quit tracking nutrition, fitness and all other things health related. It all started back in March when I started having pain in my upper back. It took till June to figure it out it was my lap-band. They took out all the fluid, the pain stopped but the eating began. Since June of '10, I have gained 49 lbs back of the 110 lbs I had lost. It's ok to cry now, God knows I have!!! My stomach slipped back in to place. I have 2.8 cc's of fluid in my 4 cc band, but continued to gain weight. Why, you ask? Because I didn't start exercising regularly and I wasn't tracking my food intake. When I had fluid in my band before, I couldn't eat any starchy food at all, so it was easier to keep the calorie count down. That is not the case this time. I am eating smaller portions, but I can eat anything....pizza, pasta, bread, donuts etc. So it all goes back to choosing a healthy lifestyle and sticking to it, as if I hadn't had the surgery at all! In Dec. '09 we lost my mother in law to cancer, 9 months later we lost my father in law to Alzheimer's. It was the saddest, most emotional year I've had since embarking on my weight loss journey. I did not handle it well. I began emotional eating and have not been able to control it since. To add insult to injury, I lost my job, moved to a new state and have not found another job (or even been granted an interview) since November. I am a 50 year old, obese woman looking for a job in a recession market. Talk about depressing! It feels like mission impossible, but it has sparked me into action....
I am back on Sparkpeople. I am tracking my nutrition and fitness goals again. I am trying to be a good sparkfriend to those people awesome enough to friend me. I am posting, reading and now blogging again. I received a 6 week gym membership (for free) from my Dad. I've been twice in the last 3 days and feel much better about myself in general (other than a brief emotional setback yesterday...thank you hormones) and I am heading back to the gym today. I had weight loss surgery in June of '07. My weight then was 310 lbs. My goal was to get to 140 lbs...the lowest I've weighed since surgery was 200. I am back up to 249 and have come to the realization that the lap-band has done all it can do for me. I was 170 lbs over weight. The average sustained weight loss for a surgical patient is 40 to 60% of the excess weight. 40% of my excess weight is 68 lbs., the remaining 102 lbs is going to be up to me. It's a very scary thought for me because I am an emotional eater and menopausal which has brought on a whole range of emotional ups and downs. I know exercise and eating healthier will help me through the change, but sometimes the mood gets the better of me. So for now, I am back and doing what I know works and trying like hell to avoid doing the things I know wont help me be the person I want to be!
Thanks to those who took the time to read my whole blog. Your time is a great gift and I really do appreciate it!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good luck with everything!!! emoticon
    2672 days ago
    read your blog. so glad you are back to spark people. i am fairly new, 3 wks. i find talking to other members is a great source of motivation and encouragement. i'm so glad i joined. i haven't really seen a weight loss yet, but the exercising has done wonders for the way i feel. i retired 3 yrs ago and got lazy and just sat sat around. i put on 20 lbs. now i'm trying to lose it. it is so hard, but i'm sticking with it i KNOW i can do it and you can, too. i'm rooting for u!!!!!! emoticon emoticon
    2677 days ago
    You have been through so much sweetie. you will succeed this time. And if you find yourself slipping again, ask yourself why you are going to make yourself suffer more then you already have. the answer is: you can't. You and your health are worth it. Just push yourself through that workout. You will feel better afterward. Bypass those chips and yummy cake. Or if you have to have some, share with someone. If you have no one to share with at the moment, then tell yourself you will do it later. ETC.
    The point is, don't give up. You are doing the right thing on getting back on here. Congrats on the gym membership. 6 weeks is a great start.
    Have some faith in yourself. Its you versus you!
    2680 days ago
    2681 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.