My victoria secret catalogue arrived yesterday
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I didn't get them for the longest time and then for some reason my name must have gotten entered in the "Hey she is thin again" mailing list so they suddenly started arriving this past summer. At first I would hurl them in the garbage with such anger and force that it was a little dramatic. I couldn't even peak at them without starting a spiral of self hatred running through my head. I am embarrassed to admit I also didn't want my fiancé to see what he should be with instead of the fatty he is engaged too. (No I no longer feel this way but I did for a long time). Last night for the first time I felt nothing when I saw it. Just another catalogue and I happen to receive a lot of them. That is when I realized again how much I have changed for the better. I glanced at it again and studied the cover because I LOVED the outfit. Pretty much what I wear in my little fashionista dreams but would never fit the body I currently have. I looked through the whole thing showing my fiancé pictures of outfits and dresses I liked and wasn't jealous at all. I told him how much I loved the cover outfit and he looked at her for a second and said "you actually look a lot like her". This is why I love him so much. Forget I am a size 22 and she is probably a zero or a 2 he saw that we have the same face shape, eye shape and color and similar hair, not the weight difference.
A few moments ago I sat down with a pair of scissors and cut out all the outfits I really love because I am going to start my dream book. A binder full of all the recipes, articles, pictures etc that I find that are a part of my new found self esteem and healthy life. By the time I can fit in those sizes the clothes will be gone from the catalogue but it isn't about that. It is about finding my style and the things that make me happy and feel good about me. By this time next year I am going to be able to order clothes like these and I can't wait.
This is the outfit I love so much. I am going to be so happy when I can wear something similar.