Going on a Cruise, but Not Trying to Fall Back into My Bad Habits
Sunday, January 09, 2011
In 43 days, I'm boarding a ship to go on a cruise with my boyfriend and another couple. After really facing the fact that I have binge eating disorder and seeing a therapist, I realize that I can't be like everyone else. I can't count calories because that always turns obsessive. Limits turn into rebellious, secretive behavior. Nevertheless, I'v been borderline tempted to say I want to lose xx lbs by so and so date as a result of this cruise. I've learned with my BED therapist that I have to not obsess, but just live in the every day moment with each decision and keep a food journal along the way. I realize that this way actually helps me to lose weight, but it is a very very slow process as opposed to counting calories and minusing from exercise.
I don't want to go back into the wrong direction that pushes me into eating in secret again. That's such a dark place full of self-hatred, disgust, guilt, shame, etc. This cruise though...this cruise involves bikinis etc. It's really hard to not have an event like this coming up without being able to say I want to lose this amount of weight before this date/event. I think I need to chat this out with my doc.