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I'm a Daddy's Girl, and for that I am grateful

Saturday, January 08, 2011

One of the biggest problems I have to deal with on a daily basis is depression. There are days when I don't care if my kids destroy my apartment, or if I eat anything all day. All I can do is be useless - either lying in bed with the covers over my head or sitting on the computer, futzing away on Facebook games (instead of doing some of the actual Swap-Bot work that I want and need to do). I look around and see a house that needs to be cleaned and, when it hasn't been touched at the end of the day, kick myself for it. Because honestly, I had the time. I just couldn't get the motivation because nothing seemed to matter.

Today was one of those days. I dropped my kids off at PDO and had grand plans of cleaning when I got home, or writing some of the letters I need to write for some of my swaps. Instead, I sat on the computer, played around on Facebook for awhile and, every time I started to type out one of my letters, the power cord jiggled lose and my computer went kaput. Which just depressed me more. After I picked the boys up from PDO, I let Teddy futz around on the computer. Did I get anything done then? No. I watched Lois & Clark on Netflix. I tried to write up one of my 101 in 1,001 goals (Identify 25 things that I like about myself) but I couldn't think of 25 things, which only depressed me more. Rich got home, I didn't care about dinner. I got back on the computer and futzed some more.

11 pm came and I posted a comment in my Facebook about how useless I'd been that day. Yes, I was feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't get things done around here that needed to be done - on any list - and the day was over. But then my Dad replied to my status update.

He reminded me that I was coming up to his place tomorrow and that I'll be a help to him for that. He reminded me that he loved me. And he told me to keep my chin up. It wasn't a lot of words, but it was a lot of meaning. He's my Daddy. I'm his little girl. And I'll always be useful to him, even as that. I'll always be able to help him, just like I did when I was a little girl and he let me "steer" the car up the driveway.

I'm lucky to have him as my Dad. I'm lucky to have a good relationship with him. And I'm lucky that I live close enough that I can see him with some regularity. I don't know what I'd do without my Daddy. And I hope I don't need to find out for a long, long time.
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