Grammy Ree Goes To Boot Camp
Friday, January 07, 2011
My Grammy Ree was kind of awesome. She was basically a socialite and everything had to be perfect at all times. The house, the car, the outfit, the makeup, the hair. I didn’t spend a lot of time with my grandmother, but I cannot recall a single memory that doesn’t involve her with her hair done, in full makeup, dressed to the nines, gushing about her Cadillac, etc. Then there was that leopard-print leisure suit, but that’s a story for another day.
Why am I thinking about my grandmother? Because her doppelganger showed up to boot camp this morning.
And it was as hysterical and awkward as you can imagine.
So this ~60-year-old woman comes in to the community center as we are already warming up. Perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect makeup, wearing a perfectly matched sweat suit and a bucket of perfume. (Class is at 6AM. The rest of us show up with bed head and bad breath.)
“Is this boot camp?”
“Yes, ma’am, it is.”
“What is this you’re doing? Is this a routine? My goodness I hope I can build up to this!”
We were stretching. She missed the 10 flights of stairs we had just done.
“This is just our regular warm-up, so we know the drill. After this it changes, depending on how evil Maria is feeling.”
“Oh, my! Look at you go! Now what is that called? A squat? Oh, my.”
Class begins. Maria has us doing one thing and a modification for her. This totally screws us, because we have to do everything three times as long while she explains what’s going on to Grammy Ree.
“Now what is that called? And what muscle does that work? Now how do I know if I’m doing it right? Like this? What about my arms? Will this make them firmer? Oh, look at them go! That is impressive!”
After awhile, she had had enough. Maria had her just keep walking and do whatever she could do, which made things a bit easier on the rest of us.
I absolutely give her credit for signing up and showing up to boot camp. It strikes me as a bit odd that she wouldn’t sign up for, say, water aerobics first, but kudos to her for jumping in head first. And she did pretty well, all things considered. She was good with the lunges and squats and even some of the resistance band stuff, but she looked completely incredulous when the more intense cardio stuff rolled around.
(Though, to be fair, *I* look completely incredulous for large parts of the class, too.)
It was kind of nice to have a cheerleader there. She’d just sit on her mat and clap like we were putting on a show.
I hope Grammy Ree comes back.