Contemplations of the Hypocrite Sparker

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

My last blog was about test tasting, as TexasFilly calls it. I got some VERY good advice on what not to eat, and my dear friend, Martha, tried one more time to get me to do low carb. I KNOW she wants to hit me on the head with a brick sometimes. emoticonSome of you tell me stories of giving up bacon that makes me feel so sad for you. emoticon And this turkey bacon stuff . . . UM . . . do you SEE anything on a turkey that looks like bacon? emoticon Let’s examine a piece of bacon. Notice that it is mostly fat with just a little meat in it for flavoring. Now look at the turkey. emoticon Nuff said.

I tried turkey bacon one time. I choked down one entire piece. I took the rest of that package and made book marks out of it. I gave them away for Christmas presents. Looks like bacon. Tastes like cardboard. Not even high quality cardboard. If you give it a week to dry out just a little, you can paint it, glue beads and SPARKles on it, and use it for a book mark. Seriously. Gobble Gobble takes on a whole new meaning when you make stylish bookmarks from turkey bacon.
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Bacon hurts me, too. I always pay for eating it with miserably swollen legs. Probably they are even dangerously swollen at times. And we will not even talk about SPAM and kraut. I might as well get sodium in an IV, right? When I get on a SPAM kick, I might eat that every night AND for breakfast for a week. Sometimes I swell so badly that it hurts to breath. I know that is not healthy. I know it is dangerous. Still, I satisfy those cravings.
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You know, we had this conversation at work today about diets and giving up foods we love for our health. Denial with an exclamation point! The bottom line is that I just am not willing to give up foods or go on any type of diet. I gave up smoking 4 years ago, and I want a cigarette every single day of my life! EVERY DAY! Sometimes, like the last couple of months, I do this horrible thing. I fantasize about smoking. Not to pick on TexasFilly, but we went through the same program, and she is the one of my friends who grabbed me by the hair and kept me straight when I wanted to backslide. emoticon
She kept me straight for a long time, and I am still 100% smoke free, but I actually sit and fantasize about smoking a cigarette. I think about how it feels, tastes, smells, and comforts. I want one right now.

Four years later, I still deny myself nicotine every day, and I really really really want it. I don’t talk about it, but I want it. I simply am not willing to deny myself anything else. Does that make me a “bad” Sparker? I think about that from time to time. Maybe I should not even be Sparking because I refuse to entertain the idea of dieting. I definitely think that sometimes – especially when I a typing with one hand and holding a big bowl of SPAM, kraut, onion, and pickled beet s in the other hand. Am I hypocrite to be here and not diet? I struggle with that issue often.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not eat salt on a stick every week. I probably do eat some bacon every week, though, and when I can get my hands on frash maters, I am not going to eat much of anything besides BLT4BLS– bacon, lettuce, tomato 4 breakfast, lunch, supper. Fortunately, frash maters are not around all year. I do eat a more healthy diet than I did before I found Sparks. I do practice portion control most of the time –not always. I don’t post a blog that says, oh yes, I did portion control today, though. LOL I do exercise something like 350 percent more than I did before I found SparkPeople. Seriously, I only exercised by accident before. Seriously? I have to park THAT FAR away from Wilson Hall? I have HEELS on for crying outloud! Now I walk on purpose, and I do that dreaded ETHING on purpose. That is an improvement, right?

Maybe it is not enough, but that is all I am going to do. Notice that I don't say it is all I CAN do. I can do it if I want to. You bet your booties I CAN! I just don’t want to. I have no doubt in my mind that dieting would send me straight back into the arms of the Nicodemon, and I do NOT want him in my life more than I want to be thin. Maybe I am a totally worthless Sparker, but I am a dang good QUITTER, and that is the way I want it to stay. Sorta. Kinda Sorta . . .

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi, Person after my own heart:

    I have been up and down in my weight for the past several years. I want to lose weight and be healthier and feel better. But I have decided that I want a healthier lifestyle, not a gung-ho diet. Almost no food is off the list. I just track and really, truly try to stick to the 80/20 rule. I know some people out in Spark world are like "I can run 10 miles every day, but I didn't make it to the gym last night and I feel SO badly." Ugh. OK, that's not real life for me. And never eating bacon is not real life for me. (Oh, and I'm a person who actually needs to take in higher amounts of salt to keep my blood pressure up, so that's just not an issue for me. I've been known to salt my pickles. 'Nuff said.)

    You maybe noticed I said "almost no food." Well, I guess it depends on your definition of "food," but I quit Mountain Dew (though, actually all soda because having a Coke usually led me to having a Mountain Dew) 26 weeks ago. Just this afternoon I had another terrible craving for one. I can really relate to your wanting a cigarette. I really want a Mountain Dew...even now. But I can't have just one, so I don't have any.

    Anyway, my point is, my understanding is that SparkPeople is a site to help people reach his or her goals, not someone else's goals. If your goal includes keeping bacon and Spam in your diet, who gives a &*%$ what someone else thinks!

    That's my two cents. ;)
    3809 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5217955
    Ok chick I'm on the freeway yelling--not very pretty. You are not a hypocrite! Love you. Now go Wii it!
    3810 days ago
    You guys are so nice to me. I cam home after a really tough day with my feet dragging. You made me feel better, so I got on the wii and did my body good. You are just as good as Milk!

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    3810 days ago
    Hey Rhonda, have you tried the tomatoes that are still on the vine, about 5 to a package, almost like summer!
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    3810 days ago
    If you haven't tried Oscar Meyer "Lower Sodium" bacon, I would encourage you to do so. I snuck it past my husband for a couple of months, he didn't even know until he saw me picking it up in the store. Yes it's "lower sodium," which is still not quite "low" but it's better for you than the regular.

    3811 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    I, too, am an ex-smoker Rhonda so I understand your yearning to have a cigarette. But like Laura says, SparkPeople is not about dieting rather it is a lifestyle change. You have definitely taken steps to incorporate a change in your lifestyle. Quitting smoking alone is a tremendous accomplishment! You definitely move alot (hack, hack, cough, cough, dang dust!) so you definitely are not a hypocrite Rhonda! You just need to keep doing as you have been doing my SparkFriend!

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    3811 days ago
  • JLWOF1
    I agree with Brenda. Spark is meant for a lifestyle change. Your change just happens to be not smoking. You are getting healthy in your own way. So you eat bacon? If I were in your shoes, I might do the same. I to, do not know the struggle that you face by giving up nicotine, but I do know my own inner struggles. None of them are easy, but they don't make you a hypocrite by being on Spark. You are one of my main inspirations. I love to read your blogs! Don't stop them now! Besides, I'm in a race to the finish with you, you can't bail now! Happy sparking my friend!
    3811 days ago
    you crack me up, i guess turkey bacon is and "acquired taste", but if u cook it right , its really very good, proably is most people cook it in a skillet BIG MISTAKE, u need a flat top, that way u can moniter it, and if u use olive oil it will come out tender and just as juicy as the REAL STUFF, lol for real, ive oerfected it, BTW according to oxygen magazine )and its my code book on weight loss), u need carbs going to LO CARB can cause some serious problems, u just have to know which carbs to avoid.IVE been smoke free for almost 21 years, and the first 5 were the hardest, keep staying smokeless it DOES get easier.hope you have a really great day!!! emoticon
    3811 days ago
    I don't really mind turkey bacon....I'll eat it...especially Butterball brand. BUT....I'm not a HUGE bacon fan, either. I like bacon mostly on burgers, and potato skins. LOL Neither of which will I be having anytime soon.

    I do, however, know how you feel about smoking. I'm also a reformed smoker and while I don't want one every single day....I do have moments where I REALLY want one. But, then I just think about something else and in a few minutes it passes. Do you think maybe you're romanticizing the cigs too much? Instead of thinking about what you are denying yourself...think about what you're GIVING yourself!

    Even IF you don't need the $6.00 a pack (or more, depending where you live), what about the healthy lungs, non-smelly clothes and hair, and better skin that you're giving yourself? Cigs are disgusting. And that's coming from someone who occasionally would give a pinky toe to have just one. You have given yourself a GIFT by quitting're not denying yourself anything but an early grave.

    As for the food...I think you're doing great! I, personally, believe in portion control, period. I'm never going to say I can't have anything. I just know that if I have a lot of it, it's going to sit on my ass for weeks, months, or years.

    I actually started using the SP Meal planner this week and it has been a Godsend to my husband and me! I've never been able to get all my numbers in line (calories, protein, fat, and carbs) before! Day 3 and I haven't been hungry or felt deprived.

    The changes that you're making are all good ones. Baby steps! Exercising is another HUGE gift you're giving yourself! And your presence on SP is a gift to all of us! :o)
    3811 days ago
    I agree with you. Maybe that is why I am not having such a great time losing these past 2 years like I did the first 2. lol
    3811 days ago
    What a great blog!! First of all, I know what you mean about the turkey bacon. I have found out that a lot of the turkey products are higher in sodium than the regular ones. Now isn't that a fine howdy do??? So for me, it's no worrying about the low-fat and watching the sodium.

    Sodium is my enemy. I have found that I can eat quite well and still lose weight as long as I watch that sodium. Of course, having heart failure and not wanting to exacerbate my condition is a great incentive to watch the sodium consumption. At first I thought I was really depriving myself, but then I found lots of ways of cutting down. For example, low sodium/no bread, butter, peanut butter, tomato juice and fresh or frozen veggies allow me to splurge on things like lightly salted popcorn (what's popcorn without salt and butter??) or the occasional bratwurst. This is something you might try. I keep my sodium between 1000-1500 mg a day, although my water retention is the least when I'm under 1000.

    Having never smoked (except second-handed from years of working in a smoking office long before the smoking laws) I can't even begin to know your struggle. Although I think my sugar addiction must be a close second as I have been known to be so desperate for something sweet and sugary that I would eat brown sugar out of the bag or make up a cup of icing to eat.

    You are a WONDERFUL SPARKER!!! And you are NOT a hypocrite, but you ARE kind, supportive, encouraging, and quite funny at times. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember, this isn't supposed to be a DIET, but a lifestyle change, and you've made some significant changes and become more healthy for it. We all have our own needs and goals, and you shouldn't compare yourself to someone else.

    Love and Hugs!!

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    3811 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/5/2011 1:29:17 AM
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