The Other Half of the Coin
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
The 28 Day Challenge and stepping up the exercise is ONE thing...the OTHER thing, obviously, is what I am putting in my mouth...and something has occurred to me about the REASON my eating has gotten so out of control and WHY I am feeling like if - I - don't - eat - right - NOW - I - will - starve - to - death!! It's STEROIDS! (you might say, "wow, it took you this long to realize THAT? You, who are the Steroid Queen??) But yes, the reason it didn't occur to me is that the steroids were injected into my SPINE so why should my whole body crave food?? Well, obviously, since my arthritis and every body ache I've had has benefited from them; and since I've even experienced the insanity that comes from steroids (YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME ON CHRISTMAS EVE!! I can't believe my family didn't throw me out into the snow!) , this was obviously, not only a very HIGH dose of steroids, but it had systemic effects as well.
The good news (well the MIXED news) is that their effects are waning. Pain is returning to my spine (although, my hands and other joints are still pretty happy); the insanity (at least the ACUTE phase) is fading...although those of you who have read my blogs lately, MAY have some doubts about the truth of that statement! Anyway, any day now, my control over my appetite will return (maybe...PLEASE GOD, make it soon!)
There is some real comfort is recognizing, "OK, there is a very good REASON why I'm out of control and feel like crap emotionally." It is always good to know one is not losing their mind and every ounce of self control they thought they possessed. While it doesn't mitigate the negative effects of my constant prowling my house for FOOD, it does relieve my mind to know that this will not be permanent and it really is NOT my fault! So see, Cynthia, YOU CAN STOP HATING YOURSELF NOW!!!
And you know what?
For all the pain relief; for all of the arthritis relief; for all of the asthma benefit....I would NEVER do the epidural again. Because, not only was the pain relief too temporary, I -as a recovering anorexic - can NOT tolerate the sense of being out of control of my appetite. AS far as I'm concerned. I should ALWAYS hold the ability to override my appetite firmly in my hand...and when ANYTHING removes that ability, the misery it causes me mentally and the damage it does to me physically, far FAR obscures any benefit I might have derived. So, Lesson learned. "NEVER EVER DO STEROIDS AGAIN FOR ANY REASON UNLESS IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH (which often occurs when the asthma gets bad. Then , I truly have no choice but to take those wicked destructive drugs). Steroids are the main reason I gained those 80 pounds last year...and I will NOT go there again! ...Maybe death IS preferable....that's how strongly I feel about it.
So that being said,....I just really need to go and find a piece of fruit or something now....