Fighting with myself
Sunday, January 02, 2011
I hate the holiday's....The only reason I say this is because of the great food my family cook. Filipino foods is my weakness because i know rice will be there waiting for me to add some on my plate. Its so hard to give up or even portion my plate when all eyes are on you. They are all trying to figure out what is going on with you and asking to many questions. But anyways back to why I hate it lol. FOOD FOOD FOOD!! Its not like I can tell them to not cook it lmao because that will be a BIG FAIL!
Food has been my friend ever since I was a baby because I would cry if anyone will take my plate away. So to take away rice is like taking a piece of me its so hard but I am getting their to accepting that i need to this. I don't want to go completely blind or loose a foot and i do NOT want to take medication or even use a needle to give me insulin because its hard already to check my blood. Everyday I fight the urge to eat whatever and whenever because I always use food to escape my reality of life.
Who doesn't have to fight with them self to stay on track? I know that it has been a rough and long journey with me loosing weight.
The urge to go back to my old ways haunt me everyday but i think about the days that were i felt like crap and almost passing out. IF your fighting with your demons just remember you rather do it the right way than killing yourself to keep you, YOU!
To love yourself fully is accepting what you have become and I accepted that I had an eating disorder and that i fight everyday to not go back. Fighting for your life is needed when you don't want it to win and just give up! I don't want to ever loose the battle with myself.