Going for goal in 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
This holiday season had many blessings for me. Although my grandmother was missing from our celebrations she was very specific about her wishes that we not mourn her but celebrate her and go on with our lives. She truly wanted to be with my grandfather and she was ready to go. I had one moment of breakdown in which I sobbed uncontrollably while making her pie recipe but other than that I was able to have nothing but fond memories of her. I realized that I am so lucky to have my fiancé who I can not imagine my life without and our 2 families both of which I love so very much. We had a wonderful weekend of celebrating and spending time together. Yes, I really over did it but I am not going to punish myself over it. Today I am back on track and plan to stay there. I threw away all the leftover goodies this morning before snowshoed to work. (Not really lol but it felt like it with all the snow we got) Speaking of snowshoeing I really should give it a try hmmmm. Anyway all the eating and drinking made me reflect a lot on this past 7 months and what I hope to accomplish in 2011. I am not a resolution maker. I feel like they are falsehoods created out of obligation. What I am going to accomplish in 2011 are going to be my reality. No ifs ands or buts about it. MEZZOANGEL wrote a great blog about being happy where she is right now and it made me think a lot about myself. If I stopped today, would I be happy here, and the honest answer is no. I am not ready to stop. I am less focused on a number as a goal but just a feeling. I want to put on pants and not have a muffin top. I want to put on a shirt and not worry about it sticking to my belly. I am not going to lie and say I don't care about being in a bathing suit. I would love to be able to go to the beach and not feel like a freak. I don't think I am going to be a super model by any means but just to feel normal would be great. My ex husband was a fashion photographer and after seeing what a lot of those women look like in real life it helped me to realize NO ONE looks that good. They are all airbrushed and know how to pose for their best angles. I just want to be in a place where I feel comfortable and can get dressed to go out and not end up in tears every time. I am not there yet.
I am going to get to that place this year. My grandmother's greatest wish for me was to be healthy and happy and I am doing it not just for me but for her as well. She was proud of me for getting as far as I did before she passed and this year I am going for goal. So I say to you my amazing SP friends. Come with me. Lets accomplish our goals this year, whatever they may be. We can do it. Thank you for all the support this year. I am excited to see us all accomplish our dreams in 2011. Hugs, Ash