AMEENA5
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Struggling is an understatement.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

About a month ago I logged back into Sparkpeople for the first time since March of this year. Several factors drew me back to Sparkpeople:

**A terrible embarrassing incident in mid September brought on one of the worse bingeing episodes I've experienced in the past ten years. I was beyond out of control till almost the end of November. I will detail this later...right now I don't want to cry before going to bed.
**My health has deteriorated terribly.
**I feel lost.

I thought back to myself in the recent past and remember one of the most stable and happy periods had included a serious commitment and involvement with the community and everything offered here in Sparkpeople.

I was drawn back...but when I logged in I saw what I used to weigh and was horrified at how much I had gained since March. So I logged out, completely freaked out.

About a month after this I decided to log back in, weigh in and re-set my goals. Still very very nervous.

A month has passed and here I am. A new gym has opened up literally down the road. I will take it as a positive sign, even better I have a membership. Tomorrow I want to dust off my gym bag, sort through my clothes and find my gym gear so that next week I will have no excuses.

I am scared though that once again I will give up.

Fear for some reason has become a second skin for me....

and I hate it.


**This picture is not mine, I do not take any credit for it.
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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