Struggling is an understatement.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
About a month ago I logged back into Sparkpeople for the first time since March of this year. Several factors drew me back to Sparkpeople:
**A terrible embarrassing incident in mid September brought on one of the worse bingeing episodes I've experienced in the past ten years. I was beyond out of control till almost the end of November. I will detail this later...right now I don't want to cry before going to bed.
**My health has deteriorated terribly.
**I feel lost.
I thought back to myself in the recent past and remember one of the most stable and happy periods had included a serious commitment and involvement with the community and everything offered here in Sparkpeople.
I was drawn back...but when I logged in I saw what I used to weigh and was horrified at how much I had gained since March. So I logged out, completely freaked out.
About a month after this I decided to log back in, weigh in and re-set my goals. Still very very nervous.
A month has passed and here I am. A new gym has opened up literally down the road. I will take it as a positive sign, even better I have a membership. Tomorrow I want to dust off my gym bag, sort through my clothes and find my gym gear so that next week I will have no excuses.
I am scared though that once again I will give up.
Fear for some reason has become a second skin for me....
and I hate it.
**This picture is not mine, I do not take any credit for it.