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A HUGE Mental Shift

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It all started a month or two ago. I was driving south to pick up four greyhounds who needed transport north to their new adoption groups. I stopped at a rest area and walked into the ladies room. The wall had a full length, full width mirror, so one's first impression was that there was no mirror, simply a long hall of stalls. For a moment, I saw myself as a stranger. As someone walking towards me. And my thoughts were wonderful. I thought "what a nice, friendly looking person. I think I'd like her." I looked again, realizing it was me, and my reaction was the same. And I started believing that I look approachable, friendly, and kind. Like someone that I'd like to know.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was undressing to take a shower. To put some perspective on this, I had lost twenty pounds, and I've put most of it back on. So as of a few days ago, I'd have seen fat, I'd have been disgusted, I'd have hated what I saw. Yesterday I saw that same kind, friendly, approachable woman I saw in the rest area. I saw a soft, gentle woman with a cuddly body. It was AMAZING. For the first time I can remember in my 53 year life I've looked at my body without some kind of criticism. Perhaps I've finally accepted what and who I am. I was even able to grab hold of some of the fat, jiggle it around, and giggle at the sight. Just taking it as it is, instead of judging.

I've heard that first you must give up your self-loathing in order to keep the weight off. That we must forgive ourselves, and accept our body no matter what it looks like at the moment. I think I may have FINALLY done that. I feel so happy. So calm. So pleased and serene.

I like being this soft, approachable, kindly woman who looks like someone I'd like to know. I'm hoping this loving attitude will eventually translate into losing weight again. For now, though, I'm going easy on myself. Simply accepting who I am, and learning what that feels like.

This feels like a VERY good thing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Excellent! Really excellent inside and out! May this caring for yourself with kind compassion be available to you always! Excellent!
    2669 days ago
    In the past I used to avoid the mirrors...But now, it is not so bad to be in front of the mirror. It is there where I have my pep talk...that I am going to get my goal. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, but working in the very near future. I just have to work on the smile though...everyday we are here is worth a BIG smile. Working on the face muscles too can cheer you up in the process.
    2674 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    Congratulations! Such a wonderful breakthrough. Loving ourselves where we are at and for who we are rather than for how much we weigh or how we look is I think crucial for lasting peace and weight loss. It doesn't mean we no longer want to change, but we are changing to show the respect and confidence we have in ourselves now rather than trying to be the "ideal".

    Hope you had a Great Holiday!
    2676 days ago
    Isn't it wonderful when you make that shift?????!!!!!!!!

    Sometimes I see my shadow and am amazed at how it looks like an AVERAGE size! Not a plus size!!!!!! It just astounds me!

    2682 days ago
    That's great!

    I was chatting with another spark friend about the importance of separating out who you are/how you value yourself from your weight. You are a wonderful, friendly person--definitely someone I'm glad to have met! Whether you weigh what you do now, 20 lbs less, or even 20 lbs more, that doesn't change. You are who you are, and that is a great person.

    I do hope that this helps you lose weight, but I think it's great that you can like who you are regardless of what your weight is.
    2682 days ago
    Congratulations! You are the one to love you!! All the rest is gravy! Well, maybe NOT gravy, but some other non-fattening goodness!!!!!

    2682 days ago
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