an emotional rollercoaster of a week...

Monday, December 20, 2010

This last week was my busiest week of the year at work- my last full week of work before taking vaca for Christmas break- the week I have almost all of my monthly home visits crammed into and getting & delivering Christmas presents, the week I tie up lose ends for my clients for the year...etc...

so on top of it being an already stressful started last weekend with my car breaking down on Saturday and costing me an unexpected $150 to repair- right before Christmas.

The Sunday we had the *wonderful*(note: sarcasm) winter storm with all the lovely ice and crap...but I got in 12 hours of shopping with my sis in not bad.

Then this past Wednesday I learn that my younger sister is pregnant. Let me paint you a picture of her- 24, married for 18 months to a real jerk of a guy who is very antisocial and not involved in our family at all- who did not want the pregnancy yet but she did it anyways. Her husband had recently gotten fired from his oh so great job at Walmart- they were *so* stressed about finances that she could afford three tattoos...but b*tching about being able to afford Christmas...he was able to get another job- she works at a Sears portrait studio and has been complaining about having to work a 40 hour week lately. Neither has anything more than a high school education, no benefits at goals or ambitions to do anything in life other to collect every gaming system and game that exists (I am being literal here) And they are so broke- but she can afford $300 a month on her chain smoking habit. They also have at least 3 cats and a new puppy...and the house is pretty gross and smells like nobody takes care of the cats (and now that shes pregnant she wont be able to) She got pregnant on purpose- PLANNING to use state aid. with no goal to ever not use state aid.

And I am being told by my family to be happy & excited about this.

Now- let me explain what I do for a living...I am the supervisor of a pregnancy service program...i work EVERY day with young, low income, poorly educated woman experiencing unplanned pregnancies. So I see this EVERY day, day in and day out. Now, dont get my wrong- I love my job. But if any of my clients came to me and told me this was their plan or I saw them affording the things my sister does while being "broke" and asking my agency for money- I would not pay it and I would educate my client on I have done when they have confided in me about possibly planning another child.

And of course my sister knows I want another child and worry about it sometimes (I am 31 yrs old now and not getting any younger- and single with no prospects) so of course she is rubbing it all in my face.

And I'm the bad guy for not being excited and happy about this planned disaster. And I'm the bad guy for pointing out that she may not qualify for medicaid for the baby if her husband has insurance available at work when the baby is born and for pointing out that she will either have to have a natural birth (if the dr allows) or a planned c-section b/c she is morbidly obese and there are too many risk factors for her to have an epidural or ever a natural birth...and Im the bad guy for asking her to not use the baby girl name I have had picked out for over 10 yrs...(yes I know I may not ever have that baby girl...but it is a name very dear to me and even if I never have a little girl i would prefer my sister not use it.)

and this is the sister that threatened to push me down the stairs when I was pregnant- who wished my baby would die. and Im supposed to be happy & excited for her?!?

This is the sister that has given my sister in law & I grief because she is doing it "right" by being married first- my sis in law & I both had unpllanned prengnacies and were unmarried- I was 21 (and have never married and my son's father is not involved) my SIL was 18- married my brother when their son was 2 and have been together since- both college educated, own their own home and have stable careers- and never used state aid. I also put myself through college & grad school- owned my own home (rent a condo now) and have a stable career- I used state aid through college & grad school- mainly for medicaid and child care assistance...and am now off (and have been for about 5yrs)

and this is the sister that has done nothing but criticize my parenting for the last 9.5 years...

And Im supposed to be happy and excited for her.

And am the bad guy b/c I just cannot be.


and then on Sunday I went to lunch with a good friend who is due in February...went to red Lobster (baby was craving seafood she said lol) and had a very yummy lobster first time having lobster. which I am apparently allergic to. yay. so now I am covered in this icky red itchy rash- taking predinisone, zyrtec and hydrocortisone cream and benedryl at night...and still fairly miserable...hoping is goes away soon :(

Friday my son went to spend the weekend with my mom & stepdad- he hadn't in a few weeks and they were missing each other lol so I let him go- figured I could finish up christmas shopping and present I had a race scheduled for Sat morning and a Christmas party this evening...

had a quite night at home Friday and crashed out early b/c of all the allergy meds...and Saturday morning argued with myself about getting out of bed for the run...for about 30 mins...finally decided to get up...showered, got dressed, got all my gear together...get downstairs, get in car, put key in ignition, turn key nothing. *cries*

call friend for a jump but was too late to make it to the run :( so i decided to go to bed bath & beyond- found my mom's christmas present. then went to the consignment shop and took another load of stuff out there...then went to visit a friend who was working around the corner...hung out with him for awhile, had lunch, chatted...then went to leave...and click. nothing. he gave me a jump and I drove to Advanced Auto which was down the street and where I bought the battery...they tested it and it was bad...said for the warranty to cover it I would have to go to the store I bought it from..but they said i was out of my 2yr warranty and in the pro-rated part...great. a friend offered to pay it for me (I have awesome friends) so I get to the other store- where I bought the battery from- they tell me the guys at the first store could have taken care of all of this for me- and turns out I was still within the 2yr free replacement warranty- by 3 days LOL and then there was some kind of snafu with the original sale...not sure what- but long story short, got a new battery, more expensive than i was originally charged for, I didnt have to pay anything and the 2yr free replacement warranty started over.

made it home...wrapped some presents..then went out to my friends club to see a band play...slow night and was home by 11ish. slept in this morning which was pretty awesome :) wrapped more presents...and then went to christmas party and had a great night with more of my awesome friends :)

and now I just have to make it through 3 more days of work, buy just a couple more presents and wrap a few more and then I am ready for christmas :)

we will go see my son's father & his parents on Thursday, my dad & his wife & 2 boys on Christmas eve then drive to my moms to spend the night and have Christmas at her house...and spend the night...then the day after we will go have brunch with my aunt and exchange gifts with her...then go to my nephew's birthday party. and on Sunday we will rest ROFL.

and then enjoy the following week off with my kiddo :)

hopefully i will be able to get in some runs and workouts in the next couple of weeks...kinda feeling bad I didnt do a single thing this past week..but was too much of an emotional rollercoaster. but I am determined to get in at least a little something over the next couple of weeks :)
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