Probably my last blog for awhile
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Well yesterday, I picked it up. The notice of how much my bank wants and the date before they start foreclosure. I just can't seem to get ahead. I've had a lot of tears this past week. Finding out some stuff from my past that I know has affected me for my whole life. My mother finally admitting to my brother that yes she and my father were trying to live through us and I guess we failed them. At least in my mind I failed them because I was never perfect enough, didn't have the right job (although I've been gainfully employed for 31 years except for two months of my life, I'm 47 now, do the math).
The day of course started with me looking at my electric bill and thinking I'm going to see a nice low $100 or less bill and it's OVER $600. Uh, I know that little heater doesn't pull that much current. Oh no, they decided that because we were behind (screw the recession) that we needed to pay a deposit. Okay, what point of we are already behind do you think I can afford a deposit that is THREE MONTHS of average billing?
So needless to say, my mental capacity is maxed out. I'm falling into a huge depression that I'm not sure I'm going to drag myself out of. My eating was out of control yesterday. I haven't worked out in four days. So all my blah, blah, BS about it's the only thing I can control.. yes it is.. and right now I can't control it. Life has beat me...
Anyway, all that to say is I can't do Spark any more. The Good news depresses me, the bad news depresses me. As much as I want to congratulate those meeting their goals, I'm sick to death of my plateau and my stresses that I can't be a cheerleader any more. So this is farewell for now
Edit: Forgot the best end of the day.. get home from work and the puppy (well he's a lab and 18 months old, so still puppy) had pooped all over his crate. Had one of those couldn't hold it any longer moments. So the house stank, the bed had to be washed, the crate had to be washed and he had to be washed. Perfect ending to the perfect day
For those of you still at it.. keep rocking it.