Probably my last blog for awhile

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Well yesterday, I picked it up. The notice of how much my bank wants and the date before they start foreclosure. I just can't seem to get ahead. I've had a lot of tears this past week. Finding out some stuff from my past that I know has affected me for my whole life. My mother finally admitting to my brother that yes she and my father were trying to live through us and I guess we failed them. At least in my mind I failed them because I was never perfect enough, didn't have the right job (although I've been gainfully employed for 31 years except for two months of my life, I'm 47 now, do the math).

The day of course started with me looking at my electric bill and thinking I'm going to see a nice low $100 or less bill and it's OVER $600. Uh, I know that little heater doesn't pull that much current. Oh no, they decided that because we were behind (screw the recession) that we needed to pay a deposit. Okay, what point of we are already behind do you think I can afford a deposit that is THREE MONTHS of average billing?

So needless to say, my mental capacity is maxed out. I'm falling into a huge depression that I'm not sure I'm going to drag myself out of. My eating was out of control yesterday. I haven't worked out in four days. So all my blah, blah, BS about it's the only thing I can control.. yes it is.. and right now I can't control it. Life has beat me...

Anyway, all that to say is I can't do Spark any more. The Good news depresses me, the bad news depresses me. As much as I want to congratulate those meeting their goals, I'm sick to death of my plateau and my stresses that I can't be a cheerleader any more. So this is farewell for now

Edit: Forgot the best end of the day.. get home from work and the puppy (well he's a lab and 18 months old, so still puppy) had pooped all over his crate. Had one of those couldn't hold it any longer moments. So the house stank, the bed had to be washed, the crate had to be washed and he had to be washed. Perfect ending to the perfect day

For those of you still at it.. keep rocking it.
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  • no profile photo TEJAS1291
    Hang in there Sherri!!! That's all you can do sweetie!! Things will get worse before they get better,just the way life works.I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this especially at this time of year.Just remember sweetie,that exercise and eatind=g RIGHT are some ways to fight that depression and win that game!!! I wish there was more I could do,but all I CAN do is say that I'll be around here.if you need to talk,drop me a line!!!! I'm always willing to listen...
    3046 days ago
    Like Lori, I too am frustrated that there's nothing I can do in a "real world" sense to help you .... I can't write you a check or hold a fundraiser for you. It upsets me to read that someone who's worked their whole life is going to lose their home.

    And also like Lori, I will be praying for you ....which right now probably doesn't seem very helpful or comforting to you & I'm sorry for that.

    I hope that you don't out & out delete your account because at some point hopefully you can come back. Even if you do though, I hope you'll take everything you've learned from your time here and apply it the best you can on a day to day basis. Please don't get down on yourself as far as nutrition or fitness goes because it's the last stressor you need on top of everything else.

    And no one (that I know of) expects you to be happy or encouraging to others ALL the time ~ you're a part of the community and now it's you who needs the pat on the back & that's an OK thing.

    emoticon emoticon
    3049 days ago
    Three years ago we were in the same position that you are, I promise you, as someone who has been there, that you will get through and it will make you stronger.

    3049 days ago

    I am so sorry to hear all of this---I am here for you, too...and I know you have my home email....

    HANG IN THERE.....please....

    3049 days ago
    OH, this is just breaking my HEART!!! Please, DON'T delete your account! You WILL get through this, and your SparkFriends are going to be waiting for you! You are such a dear, sweet friend! I wish I was in a position to help more than just wishing you well! I mean, of course I'll pray for you, but I sometimes wish people would not say "I'll be praying for you," and REALLY TANGIBLY HELP! Now, I can see that I am helpless to do that, but perhaps keeping you in my prayers will bring someone or something to your aid, something to lift your heart and calm your soul. Please know that you are very special and important, and you will definitely be missed if you quit your Sparking! emoticon emoticon
    3049 days ago
    Just know I am here for you if you need someone.
    3049 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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