HEALTHYASHLEY
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I am finally feeling sexy ;)

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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

This weekend was an interesting affirmation of why I have been doing this. Lately I have been feeling "fat" again. What does that translate too exactly? Well I went from an apple shape to an avocado, why do we have to use food references for shape even if they are still healthy foods??? Anyway, I am feeling VERY bottom heavy. I am very happy with the top of me. When the boobs started to disappear I got a bit panicky but they have stopped doing that and I am happy where they are at. The spare tire and hips are what is really chipping away at my self confidence. I really don't care what my numerical weight is anymore when I get down to a healthy size I just want the tire to go away. That is when I will stop. Clothes are starting to actually look good on me and I am learning how to dress my body type. I get excited when I can get into smaller sizes but just because I can get them on doesn't mean they are flattering so I am worrying less about the size on the label.
Saturday night my friends took my out for my birthday a week early. My best friend is going back to Colombia for his sister's wedding, which is on my birthday, so we decided to celebrate before he left. I went shopping that morning for my fiancé, he needed a work shirt and is working 100+ hours a week so he didn't have time to buy it himself, so of course I had to try a few things on as well :). I have learned clothes can look so different on the hanger so I tried on this very simple V-neck shirt that was a bit flow. It LOOKED AWESOME. I bought it and this cami with a delicate lace detail around the neck that is so not me but I am trying to step out of my shell.
I wore my new shirt with some jeans that look really good on my new body, cute boots, blew out my hair, and I was feeling pretty hot. That doesn't happen often but it should. I went to the grocery store on the way to meet my friends and let me tell you it was a bit overwhelming. Men where literally falling over themselves to help me. Men in line where smiling at me and asking me if I needed help, the manager came over and asked me if I needed anything, old men where smiling and winking at me when I walked by, women were glaring at me (I have decided I am not longer letting women be the enemy so I smile back, we should all appreciate each other!). Honestly it bordered on creepy. This is the first time I have experienced this and it made me feel awesome but it also made me a bit sad. Do I really have more value because of what I look like? No. The harsh reality is looks do matter a great deal in our society. Life is easier when you look good. All this time I have been saying it shouldn't matter, that I don't care what people think of me but I do care. It is nice to be appreciated. To not be looked at and ridiculed for being heavy. To just feel like a normal woman having a good hair day. I hope as I adjust to my new looks that I am able to reconcile this. I used to tell my ex husband you can tell when a person used to be really overweight because they look at you, not through you. People who have never had a weight problem tend to look through morbidly obese people, like you don't exist. I vow to never become a person who values myself or other people solely based on looks because I know how much that hurts.
This was supposed to be a happy blog, damn my over analytical brain. Nights like this are what is keeping me going. I might not be losing as fast as I would like but I am doing it, period, and I am NEVER going back. With every pound that melts away I am rediscovering me and I like myself now. I never thought I would feel that way. I LIKE MYSELF. What this all boils down to are those words. When we choose to stop punishing ourselves and hating ourselves we will be free. It is all about self love.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DRLCORNETT
    Congrats! It's fun, isn't it?
    3315 days ago
  • BRENDAGAIL9
    Keep on keepin' on and you will succeed!!
    3315 days ago
  • RECIPE4ME
    emoticon
    3316 days ago
  • LRSILVER
    woo hoo. that is great
    3316 days ago
  • RUNANDRUN
    Shake it baby! Happy for you.
    3317 days ago
  • no profile photo TRABOLD8567
    nice!
    3318 days ago
  • MUSIKGIRL
    Enjoy the sexy feeling...it's a good one!
    3318 days ago
  • ADVENTURE-GIRL
    Great blog. I have experienced a lot like this too. Having days where I feel beautiful and it was noticed, and times when I feel like a fat blob again. This weight loss process shows so many things about ourselves and about society. I hope that we do all show compassion as we get thinner and see others that are still struggling.
    3320 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/21/2010 11:45:41 PM
  • ACTINGDARLING
    You are beautiful no matter what! But its awesome to get your confidence a little boost even when other people help it along! Sounds like your doing great! Keep it up!
    3321 days ago
  • MADSASQUATCH
    feeling sexy makes you confident and that makes you look sexier - it is a wonderful cycle. revel in it, and keep on trying on stuff that you wouldn't normally - it sometimes amazes me what looks great on and what looks hideous. emoticon
    3321 days ago
  • MADSASQUATCH
    feeling sexy makes you confident and that makes you look sexier - it is a wonderful cycle. revel in it, and keep on trying on stuff that you wouldn't normally - it sometimes amazes me what looks great on and what looks hideous. emoticon
    3321 days ago
  • MADSASQUATCH
    feeling sexy makes you confident and that makes you look sexier - it is a wonderful cycle. revel in it, and keep on trying on stuff that you wouldn't normally - it sometimes amazes me what looks great on and what looks hideous. emoticon
    3321 days ago
  • MADSASQUATCH
    feeling sexy makes you confident and that makes you look sexier - it is a wonderful cycle. revel in it, and keep on trying on stuff that you wouldn't normally - it sometimes amazes me what looks great on and what looks hideous. emoticon
    3321 days ago
  • MADSASQUATCH
    feeling sexy makes you confident and that makes you look sexier - it is a wonderful cycle. revel in it, and keep on trying on stuff that you wouldn't normally - it sometimes amazes me what looks great on and what looks hideous. emoticon
    3321 days ago
  • MELLYBEANS0919
    Wonderful you are feeling sexy! But I think it comes from within too, you are probably feeling better about yourself, due to getting healthier/more fit.
    3324 days ago
  • FLY0NTHEWAL1
    Yay!!! More pictures! emoticon
    You're awesome!
    3325 days ago
  • AMANDAWEYRICH
    Work it girl! I know what you mean. lol I'm exactly the same way. Just remind yourself you are beautiful no matter your size. :)
    3326 days ago
  • CARILOUIE
    I love going out and feeling sexy. Brad loves when I look nice and it makes me feel great. ENJOY IT, sexy woman!!!

    3326 days ago
  • PAXAPUNCH
    Clearly you are beautiful....great you are starting to feel that way. Im cheering you on emoticon
    3326 days ago
  • MARCYNA
    I've always been embarassed by all that, but now I've decided I deserve being sexy..and you, too emoticon emoticon
    3327 days ago
  • COOKWITHME65
    Great blog AShley. We like you too! Enjoy your new sexiness
    3327 days ago
  • GO-LOEW
    Wonderful blog! I think your very thoughtful analysis of your feelings and discoveries are very helpful to those of us reading your blogs. Keep it up....the blogs and your growth as a person.
    3327 days ago
  • CYCLINGRJ
    You're making great progress Ashley - what you are describing is a good feeling about getting into shape and feeling better about ourselves -- too cool! - I have friends at work stop me now and they said they hardly recognized me.

    Congratulations Ashley :)
    3327 days ago
  • ROSEWCI
    YOU ARE worthy my friend! Hold your head up high & strut your stuff! You are an attractive young women! Enjoy any & all accolades that come your way!!!

    You are emoticon !!!
    3327 days ago
  • BRANDI.FEY
    It's good to feel sexy, but you do know that it's all about attitude, right? If you feel good about yourself, you usually stand up straighter, walk prouder (maybe even sashay a little bit) and smile more. Attitude, more often than not, is what's really getting the attention. It just helps that you're sexy, too. :)


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    3327 days ago
  • WILLIAMV3
    Woo Hoo!! Way to go sexy lady!! You are a beautiful woman! emoticon
    3327 days ago
  • KRAWRS
    Yay for a succesful shopping trip! I'm glad you experienced that outward appreciation. Even though we may not be the kind of people who DEPEND on admiration for our looks, even our egos could use a good stroke now and again!
    3328 days ago
  • ROBYNROSE26
    Awesome! I love your blogs! I told DH last night that my new favorite thing is trying on clothes that I haven't tried in a while, I love to see them loose or just fitting really well instead of tight and I feel hot!

    Did you take any pics of the sexy look??

    3328 days ago
  • DUSTYGIRL25
    Wonderful! Your right, clothes sizes on the tags doesn't matter. It's how YOU feel that counts! emoticon
    3328 days ago
  • BADASSBLONDIE
    Congrats! And you're 100% right about the looking through people thing. *hugs*
    3328 days ago
  • BROOKDOESLIFE
    Awesome blog. Thanks for sharing this. I have had similar feelings about this, so thanks for putting it out there for us to read.

    You are awesome!!!
    3328 days ago
  • ZANNACHAN
    Congratulations on feeling sexy! It's a great feeling, to feel good about your body and how you look.
    emoticon

    And I definitely agree with wear clothes that are flattering and not worrying so much about sizes. Women's sizes are messed up anyway--I've gone to one store and fit into one size and another store the same day and fit into a different size. It feels good to fit into pants that you couldn't wear before, but I try to not get too hung up over the number on the label.

    You're right, our society does put a lot of weight on good looks, and it's very unfortunate. But I don't think you need to feel guilty about enjoying positive reactions now that you have lost weight--it is human to want that positive reaction. Just make sure that you never look through obese people and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
    3328 days ago
  • HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE
    That's so awesome! It's great to feel great! I'm glad you're feeling sexy and aer getting "the looks" to prove it!
    3328 days ago
  • LUCKYDOGFARM
    Now, not only are you realizing your beauty (it has always been there) but you have the confidence it takes to wear that beauty so that the world can see it. not that the world was looking through you or past you. you were hiding it before in your lack of self confidence.
    3328 days ago
  • JESSICAW09
    Great blog. I can't wait until the day again that I am happy with the way I look. I am sure I am too harsh on myself now, but I am just not happy, simply put. I am working towards a new me and get discouraged, but every time I feel this way (depressed), I have to think about why I am working so hard at the gym and why I am drinking so much water and watching my nutrition. I am hoping to find me again very soon. Thanks again for sharing this with all of us. You are such an inspiration Ash!!
    3328 days ago
  • MAMADWARF
    So glad you FEEL what we all SEE! You are a sexy woman and I love that you had that experience and it is only going to get better! ALso, thanks for showing us your puggy baby... He is adorable! kady wants one sooo bad!
    3328 days ago
  • TREASURINGLIFE
    Oh, feeling sexy so rocks!!! :) And the bottom line is that there's absolutely nothing sexier than CONFIDENCE! It truly transforms a person!

    Have a GREAT day! :)

    - Michelle


    3328 days ago
  • DRAMABEAR
    I'm happy to hear you were FEELING smokin!! Sad that the pressures of society on HOW we look had to creep in and ruin that good feelin ; /

    Glad you were invigorated though!!
    3328 days ago
  • KELCEE75
    Way to go You on all your success! From one avocado to another I feel your pain. I'm still waiting for the tire to deflate, but it'll happen....it almost doesn't matter after grocery trips like that. Nice! Keep going! :)
    3328 days ago
  • NANHBH
    Ashley, you GO, Girlfriend! This is a great blog. It really does come down to loving ourselves first. I'm working on that right along with you. So honored to be on this journey with you.
    emoticon
    3328 days ago
  • JODY22002
    You should feel sexy because you are sexy.

    I get lots of attention in the grocery store too. It's funny because if I ever needed a date, I'd just hang out in the produce section at the market. Lots of single men chatting to me. Anyway, I think it has less to do with what I look like and more to do with how I feel about myself. The more confident I feel, the more it attracts men.

    Whatever it is, it sure gets better service.
    3328 days ago
  • SHERYLDS
    Friendly People who show confidence in how they look give off an aura of being more approachable. People who look like they're covering themselves up and show they're uncomfortable with themselves give off those negative signals. It's all body language.

    Congratulations on the new you. Enjoy your womanhood and be proud.
    3328 days ago
  • PATTYCAKE17
    Your blog reminds me of when I first read Louise Hay's books, and her mirror talk mantra for readers was,"I love and approve of myself." I said it bec she said to say it until we believed it. I felt so awkward stumbling the words from my mouth and couldn't imagine ever feeling that could be true, but years later now I can honestly say that I love and APPROVE of myself! That sounds like it's happening for you as well! I'm so happy for you, and it does have to come from within. It's that inner glow and self worth that people turn to admire, along with your new attractive self! I think you are probably exuding a new confidence and joy that is contagious. Keep up the good work, and never stop working on and loving you! You are worth it. God bless. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3328 days ago
  • SCROOKS26
    That is totally awesome! You go girl, feeling sexy is good! I love it when peoples jaw drop because they havent seen you since you lost the weight. AWESOMESAUCE! Good luck on many more future sexy adventures.

    PS. I do agree its a shame how much value we put on looks but its the world we live in.

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    3328 days ago
  • MILTONS_MAMA
    Okay, now I want to see pics of your new outfit. It must have been amazing to turn so many heads at the store, and you must show us! Please?!?

    I want to get some cute boots too, ones that the rain won't damage. I live in Portland, Oregon, so I have to worry about that, or they'll never get worn.
    3328 days ago
  • ERIN4771
    when we start feeling comfortable in our own skin, that's when we truly start to blossom, and my dear, you are BLOSSOMING!!!! woohoo!!! emoticon
    3328 days ago
  • AUNTIELES53
    great blog :) i agree with kathlow dont get hung on what people do or dont do know that its for you :)
    3328 days ago
  • MEL_UNRAU
    I read this brilliant book called the "Science of Sexy" by designer Bradley Bayou. It isn't exactly a high class read, but totally worth checking out from your library. He doesn't break down body types into 4-5 categories, but 48! and tells you how to ACTUALLY find what your "shape" is, and then gives a dressing room guide to each one of the 48 shapes. Since dressing my "shape" I do feel better and sexier and more confident. I kind of wish I had had this during my journey, as my "shape" changed so much during that time, it would have been nice to feel sexy all along the way!

    Rock on your sexy self!
    3328 days ago
  • BETHKK
    I totally agree with Paula...those looks, smiles and winks were for a woman who was carrying herself with confidence and a positive attitude about herself! People are naturally drawn to others who are comfortable with who they are...and that describes YOU! Women who turn heads are not necessarily the best looking, most "perfect" ones...they are the ones who exude happiness. And that is YOU, girl!!

    emoticon
    3328 days ago
  • ALOFA0509

    In the words of LONG DUCK DONG:" Heeeeyyyy Seexxxxxyyy GGIIRRLL FFRRIIEEND".. lol Your Blogs make me happy. Your Journey makes me Sing.. Hugs 2U sista!!!
    3328 days ago
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