Just Can't Do It
Sunday, December 12, 2010
It's all just not working right now. I'm gaining weight because the more I want to be healthy the more I eat because I'm not healthy. Issues with family and I'm just frustrated. We can't even get the holiday decorations up without the family fighting. I have no will power right now. So logically I can remember that will power is finite, we only have so much and aparently I use mine up with my children in not punishing them as strict as I was punished and have a natural inclination to do. I also remember that the subconscious mind has a hard time with negatives so by saying, "don't eat the cake" you'll first think, "eat the cake" and it takes a while for the subconscious mind to imagine not eating the cake.
I realize I'm being counter productive in so many areas of my life. I understand the ways to make my goals and follow through with those goals. I just don't do it. It's all there. How to be healthy, the motivation to be healthy, everything. It's all there. I just can't do it. If I give up on being healthy it makes me want to give up on everything else. If I can't be healthy I can't be a massage therapist because who takes a therapist seriously if she isn't healthy herself? I won't be able to continue dog grooming because my body will start breaking down with the extra weight. I'll have a hard time sleeping, hard time moving, mentally I won't be healthy and I can't parent like that so I can't be a good mom, why be a mom at all. It's a terrible downward spiral. Everything in my life revolves around me being healthy. I'm not talking super model skinny. Just healthy. Active. all that stuff. :( I'm just upset and needing to vent. I'm sure I'll be right as rain when I wake up in the morning.