Whiny vent.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

I don't know what is wrong with me. Just not feeling happy. I snap easily.

I was looking for something then something fell off the counter and my cat was meowing which was annoying me so I picked up a colander and threw it and smashed it. I feel like an idiot but I want to take my frustrations out on something.

I don't know. I am trying to be calm, look at the bright side but I snap so easily. I don't know if i am in denial about my feelings or if I am trying to stay calm and look at the bright side. I have a tendency to bottle everything and pretend I am fine when I am not. Also I sometimes don't even know what is bothering me and I cry or scream or throw things easily and I don't even know what it is. Because it is something so small that sets me off. But I cry easily. I laugh easily too though. I am not crying all the time!

I have not seen the sun in days. I know it us almost christmas but i am looking at another long slow winter in this small town with no hope of leaving even for a day trip somewhere. And that makes me sad/angry.

And my husband doesn't seem to care. Would it really kill him to take me out of town for a day, i mean on a nice winter day. I think he doesn't care if i am truly happy or not, as long as i am quiet about it. As long as I am not bitchy. I say one little think and it turns into a big thing and i just don't have the energy. He is into his own thing and i am just here.

And yes i know no one else can really make you happy, but is it wrong to ask for a little thoughtfulness? Dinner, lunch out? Coffee? Something?

And i know this is long/whiny and there are people with much worse problems but i have to vent sometimes.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I bottle things up, too. It's such an odd thing to try to get over. You start venting and worry that people will take you for a whiner, when really you've just got a lot of pent up emotion to get out. I don't know how to navigate the situation, but I'm in a similar boat. Hope you can weather these dark days, dark emotions, and the inevitable ups and downs. Take good care.
    3334 days ago
    Hang in there sweetie. I'm struggling through the winter as well. I'm awake and not at work for 2 hours of daylight if I'm lucky. Plus it's difficult when you feel like you can't share your frustrations with those close to you. I feel you on that one. I'm glad you "vented", it needs to come out somehow. Keep sharing your feelings, we're here for support!
    3334 days ago
    3334 days ago
  • S_FEHR
    Don't feel bad, i know how you feel. I as well have a home daycare and struggle in the winter. I live about 20 mins outside the city in a small town and its days between trips to the city but my husband works in the city so he is there everyday so he doesnts see the need to go back. I especially struggled last winter and it felt horrible. You could try some of the things i have been doing.
    This year i have tried to take ten or 15 minutes every day to spend some time outside on my own. I walk to get the mail or over to the store or just shovel snow. its important to try to avoid cabin fever especially in the work we do. You also could try a sun/uv lamp(they are about 150 dollars) they are supposed to replicate being in the sun. I know none of it is the same as being out for coffee or working out of the home but some of it may help in the down time. Good luck, feel better.
    3334 days ago
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