Wednesday, December 08, 2010
I don't know what is wrong with me. Just not feeling happy. I snap easily.
I was looking for something then something fell off the counter and my cat was meowing which was annoying me so I picked up a colander and threw it and smashed it. I feel like an idiot but I want to take my frustrations out on something.
I don't know. I am trying to be calm, look at the bright side but I snap so easily. I don't know if i am in denial about my feelings or if I am trying to stay calm and look at the bright side. I have a tendency to bottle everything and pretend I am fine when I am not. Also I sometimes don't even know what is bothering me and I cry or scream or throw things easily and I don't even know what it is. Because it is something so small that sets me off. But I cry easily. I laugh easily too though. I am not crying all the time!
I have not seen the sun in days. I know it us almost christmas but i am looking at another long slow winter in this small town with no hope of leaving even for a day trip somewhere. And that makes me sad/angry.
And my husband doesn't seem to care. Would it really kill him to take me out of town for a day, i mean on a nice winter day. I think he doesn't care if i am truly happy or not, as long as i am quiet about it. As long as I am not bitchy. I say one little think and it turns into a big thing and i just don't have the energy. He is into his own thing and i am just here.
And yes i know no one else can really make you happy, but is it wrong to ask for a little thoughtfulness? Dinner, lunch out? Coffee? Something?
And i know this is long/whiny and there are people with much worse problems but i have to vent sometimes.