84 Days Since My Last Blog and Still Maintaining My Weight Loss
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
First, I decided to focus on the positive instead of the negative with my title. It could have been, 84 days and I haven't lost a single pound but I am happy where I am and will be estatic to remain here. It is the re-gain that sneaks up on you and steals your confidence. I have to fight it every day and some days I don't fight it so well, so to say that I weigh the same now as I did at my last entry is a positive thing.
Second..... EIGHTY FOUR DAYS???? How did that happen? I have seen it with those ahead of me in the journey... as you get closer to goal and further out from surgery you become less obssesed with the new life as a post surgery person and more into your new life as a thinner person. When that happens we tend to spread our wings and fly without quite the same need for the safety net of reassurance and like minded friends. But as we all know, the battle never ends and so I really want to work at staying involved with my friends here on Spark. (As soon as I finish here I am coming to check up on you all and see how you are doing! I can't wait to find out.)
I had my second EGD. I expected them to stretch my pre-surgery stricture of the opening into my stomach (caused by scarring from GERD.) Instead they had to stretch the exit from my stomach. It is no wonder I had problems eating, with strictures into and out of my stomach. I may need another procedure. They do not like to stretch too much at a time to avoid tearing of the tissue. They gave me photos of the esophagus, the opening into, the opening out of (before and after stretching) and I was amazed to see the staples at the exit. You intellectually know they cut into your stomach to make a new exit but seeing those staples really made it real. How cool is it that we have this option to make a major health and life style change? How cool is it that we have the medical ability to do soooooo much with surgery, not just the bariatric surgeries, but all of them. Wow.
I still want to get to 150 lbs. but now think I should aim for 155. Either way, my motivation isn't there. My brain says get to 155 then even your up days will be a normal BMI. My body doesn't seem to care because I don't put the same effort into it as before. I never made the decision to go into maintanence. I think that when I hit 159 and was a normal BMI I somehow subconciously made the transition. As some of you have mentioned, there is the added weight of the excess skin. A plastic surgeon estimated that for every 100 lbs. you lose, there is around 15 lbs. of excess skin. So, if I subtract 15 lbs. from my 159 I am at 145 in terms of body and fat weight. Since the skin weight won't leave unless cut off maybe I should consider that functionally I am closer to 145 than 159. Am I rationalizing here?? Everytime I think about this some little voice says, "You lazy slug, you are just making excuses for not losing those extra pounds you want to lose."
I don't plan on having the excess skin removed. I'd like it gone, but hey, I am a couple months shy of 61 my skin elasticity ain't what it used to be. I look at my naked self in the mirror sometimes. Some days all I see is the stomach flabby skin and the bat wings, and worse the turkey wattle under my chin. I am disgusted those days and say I am going to find out if my insurance will cover removal of the stomach flap at least. Some days though, I look and marvel that I have a waist line again! There is a space betwen my thighs again. I don't look FAT anymore. Those are the days I like best. Those are the days when I tell myself that stomach fat can be hidden under looser tops and batwings and turkey wattles are battle scars of a successful weight loss war.
I haven't measured myself in a while, I keep meaning to but hey, it's just numbers in some ways. It is exciting to see those before and after numbers though, isn't it? I started at 279 and am now 159... 120 pounds down. I am a healthier happier woman. I love it when my hubby grabs me and says, "Hey, skinny....." Life is good.