Deep Thoughts While Walking
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Today I have been a little sad. First of all, we have had some turmoil at work and a couple of major reorganizations in the last couple of years which changed my responsibilities entirely. And a short while ago one of my coworkers left for another (better) job. He had been at my current workplace years before I started. Now, another coworker is interviewing for a job and there is a strong possibility that she will leave too.
Change is not that easy for me and while I'm happy for these people, that the job market has improved and that there are good jobs out there again in my field, I am wondering how I will cope with this. Both of these people are friends of mine as well as coworkers. I took a long walk today and did some heavy thinking about it.
I think that one of my fears is that this is a sign that I am getting old. I don't want to be one of those people who talks about the "good old days" and generally gets crabby about anything new. While I am not that crazy about some aspects of my job with the recent changes and I've struggled a little, I have been able to find other outlets at work which DO make me happy. So that's not the problem.
I am fairly adaptable, or at least I always thought I was, but this feels like change overload -- like everything familiar has been turned completely upside down and I can't find my equilibrium. I get a little panicky sometimes. I need more time to adjust, but I'm not going to get it. I have to get used to constant change at work and learn to adapt. I know this, but it's really HARD.
Like so many things that happen in life, I cannot change the external forces; I can only change my response to them. So what I'm trying to do is really appreciate my husband and family more. I am very lucky to have someone to come home to... someone I can depend on when things get shaky everywhere else. I am really a very lucky person all in all. I just need reminders now and then and this seems like an especially appropriate time to really contemplate all of this.