(this is a long blog)
I am seriously taking a good look at things as I go forth today. I am looking at the whole picture and taking things into consideration.
I don't want to get stuck in the past, no, I am just making assessments and comparisons, and going forward. I will use a biblical example that can apply to daily healthy living.
One of my favorite Bible verses Philippians 3:13 b - 14
but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Yes, it is good to put the bad things of the past behind and forgive ourselves and others. It is critical to our well being to not be harsh on ourselves or others. That is the stuff to keep behind us as we go forward. That stuff we need to forget. Forgiveness is crucial to our wellness journey.
On the other hand, what I want to keep in mind, and remember and hold onto are the victories. These can be spiritual victories, or healthy victories. When I read that verse, I think of myself in a marathon, in a race, and that to win the prize, to finish the race is what matters. In our race for healthy living, the prize is just that: better health.
Where I have been vs. Where I am
125 lbs. 1980 (when I got married)
145 lbs. 1985
156 lbs. 1992 (before I got pregnant)
181 lbs. 1993 pregnant
165 lbs. 2000 (I had lost about 20 lbs)
195 lbs. 2005 (went back to work full time!)
207 lbs. August 2009 morbidly obese
192 lbs. New Years 2010
191 lbs. February 2010 (when I joined SP)
181 lbs. June 2010 obese
179 lbs. August 2010
181 lbs. November 2010 (AUGH! I gained when my pain increased!)
Total weight lose since Aug. 2009 - 28 lbs, but regained 2, so the net weight loss is 26 lbs. Still a good number for the year. I am proud of that. Now, to get it to move again.
It is a journey that we have to choose whether we are worth it. I am worth it. Being morbidly obese was just so wrong on so many levels. Now I am "just" obese. It is a start, I am going in the right direction. Remember where I have been, and keep on walking. I WILL keep going. The numbers WILL fall.
Then, I was totally afraid to measure myself,
so I didn't until January 1, 2010
Bust then 51 ", ----now 45.5"
Waist then 47.5 ",- now 39.5-40"
Hips then 53 ", ----now 46 "
thighs 26",-------- now 24" - more muscle
biceps March 2010 14.75", now 13 " MUSCLE!!!
Clothing size August 2009 - size 20 pants!
Clothing size now - 14 to 18 petite pants, some large, some medium,
Tops - went from XL to mediums and some large.
I was 192 lbs on January 1, 2010. I had lost 15 lbs since August. How big WAS I in August? I really didn't know, because I refused to measure myself. In fact, up to August 2009, I had pretty much given up on the scale. Not a good thing. I had given up on myself. I know my back brace was triple X. I still have it, because insurance won't get me another, and I have to really tighten it to fit! That is a good thing : )
September 2009 PT - When I began my PT (physical therapy) for my back, I could not hold my knee to my chest without struggling to breathe because I had too much fat between my waist, abdomen, breasts. The therapist had to hold my leg in position and it hurt! I could not hold both knees to my chest because I could not breathe. I now can easily hold each of my knees up to my chest, and even can hold both of them to rock myself!
Stationary bike or similar machines: I could only do about 7 minutes when I started out in PT. I have not been able to get back on recently due to the sciatic pain, but I had built up to 5 + miles through June 2010. When my back calms, I will try for 7 minutes again at a time. It worked then, it can work again.
I managed to baby step my way into fitness a few minutes at a time. I continue to do my whole pt routine daily 95% of the time, even if I hurt, because I know that I must strengthen my core muscles, my back, my abs, and keep whittling away at the sculpture one fat cell at a time. When I really hurt, I tell myself "Self, you are not quitting! You ARE better than that! Look how far you have come, you are not going to lose all that progress now, are you? Nope, no way. Move that body! Whatever way you can."
FlyLady's baby steps helped me to believe in myself. I can do anything for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes at a time, and those minutes add up to hours, days, weeks, months, and good habits. Yes!
I believe in myself now. My son believes in me. He is my cheering squad. He has noticed and complimented my healthy weight loss journey. He will come home from school or friends in the evening after my husband has gone to work, and invite me to play wii rock band with him. He drums and works up a sweat. I sing and dance. When I started, I could only kind of step in place a little. Now, I really can dance, and I really burn calories doing it. Look how far I have come!
My husband believes in me too. He is agreeable to the little things I have tweaked in the way we eat, and has complimented me throughout this journey. He is patient for me to finish my cardio or interval on the wii fit plus before breakfast, or lunch.
In July 2010, when sciatica and knee pain kept me off the bike, and upper back spasms truly cut into my physical therapy routine, I got very scared. Scared that I would lose all my progress. I kept the weight maintained about 179 until early November when it began to creep back up to 181. Up to this point, I was losing about 2 lbs/month. I have not been able to get that momentum back since July.
I was thinking the other night, I want to stand there and yell at the scale, but that won't do any good to stare at the scale and yell "Move!" what I really need to do is keep my body moving. It will move again. I need to focus on healthy eating, keeping my body properly fueled to get my metabolism working again. I need to focus on what I put in my mouth that it be beneficial to my health. That is hard to do around the holidays. I did it last year, I need to remember that, and do it again.
I have learned to make healthy eating choices. I have substituted light fat free yogurt as an evening snack instead of cookies, and ice cream. I have learned to enjoy a wider variety and quantity of fruits and vegetables (Thanks Spark People - 5 is a magic number, a great goal I strive to achieve!) I have strengthened my body, practiced deep relaxation breathing that has helped me get through stressful situations - Dentist visits, MRI's, painful injections, evening relaxation so I can sleep. My asthma and allergies have improved greatly. Even though I have back, neck, shoulder, knee pain, my body is stronger, and I have more muscle, though some of that muscle is still hiding behind some fat. My arms are stronger, though I cannot lift a gallon of milk due to the neck/upper back. I have retained my arm strength and flexibility.
The Photo Journey
1980 at 125 lbs
2006 at 190 something (I have no idea!)
2007 weight? no idea
August 2009 - highest recorded weight 207 (without a back brace, I started wearing it the next day)
Christmas 2009 about 193 lbs
April 2010 about 187 lbs
May 2010 184 lbs
I walked the relay for life - about 5 miles! This was a HUGE accomplishment for me. It may have been a little rough on my back though.
June 2010 181 lbs (same as now) + new smaller bra!
me in a pink tankini (mini goal) at the beach July 2010 180 lbs
New dress 179 lbs August 2010
November 2010 181 lbs with back brace and tee shirt under striped shirt.
All in all, I have accomplished great things in a little over a year. I have stopped dying my hair, have new glasses, a new bra and clothes size, and am more fit and agile despite my back/neck/knee injuries. It took a long time to reach the peak of 207 lbs, and it will take a while to climb back down off that mountain. I climbed down to 179, and then crept back up to 181, I just have to get around the rocks, and obstacles so I can keep climbing safely down weight mountain. It IS possible, because getting healthy IS my job. One little step at a time.