Monday, November 15, 2010
Thank you everyone for your support and wise words. Let me clarify a bit after my last entry: I am certainly not thinking of anyone in particular when I wrote my last blog, but basically what is happening is that I realize the frustration I am feeling is getting channeled to my blog and to the people who are supportive and trying to help me. I know that's lousy behavior on my part and the truth is that I am just mad at myself and taking out on all of you kind people instead. Let me apologize for that right now.
I guess I don't want to grow up. I don't want to change my ways. I have already changed so many things and given up so many of the things that I love, I am tired and don't want to give up any more. I think I have been mourning for the last couple of days, too. I am mourning giving up all the extras and then some. No more wine, no more chocolate, no more honey in my tea. I have been incredibly sad about this and I just don't know if it's all worth it. But I have decided to try, for now, and see where that gets me.
Today I feel slightly better. Not exactly gung-ho about this all but at least not like I want to cry about it, and that's a step in the right direction.
Saturday night we did go out for dinner and I did have some wine. It was a French-style seafood restaurant and the entrees were very small and I think I managed to do well at least with my guess-timate of my calorie intake. I estimated a total of 1216 for my intake and I burned 824 through my exercise.
Sunday I did well, too, although we went to a catering workshop and sampled some food there which turned into our lunch and so it was another day of estimating. But I count 1135 eaten and 598 burned.
Today I haven't eaten all of my calories yet but I know what I am going to have later and already entered it into my tracker so I will eat 1098 and I burned 609.
I guess I could even have a cup of tea with honey before bed tonight and still stay under 1200, but I don't know if I can treat myself or not ... I have to get out of that habit and Sleepytime is just fine without any added honey.