KC117STER

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Struggling

Saturday, November 13, 2010

This will probably sound like the winiest, most negative blog I have wrote....but here it goes!

Last April I found SP and was excited about starting a healthy lifestyle change. I struggled with it at first but put good habits into place. I started exercising and didn't really set goals but knew I had to start somewhere. I got the good habits down pat and didn't pay much attention to the scale because I get SO frustrated when I weigh myself. I was far from perfect but understood that logging food and fitness was what held me accountable for everything I was trying for. Again, still didn't set any major goals.

This last April I FINALLY quit smoking (after almost 10 yrs) and wanted to try to get into running. Well needless to say that didn't happen because somewhere in the back of my mind, I despise running outside. Give me a treadmill and I'll do it all day. Why? Heck if I know!
My soon to be husband and I had planned to get married in Hawaii and I was determined to stick to at least one goal I had set for myself....to look awesome in my wedding dress! We both kicked the habit (him starting in Jan.) and I knew it was time. Plus I wasn't about to go to Hawaii smoking since they are ridiculously expensive there (as anywhere else). That was 2 goals set and I was SO determined.

Now that we're married, I will be honest and say I have slacked off. I still set mini goals like I want to lose 10 pounds by Dec. etc. NOW I am struggling. I work nights so I do workout during the day before work. That is great but I am in such a plateau I think I could vomit. This plateau has lasted since August and I have tried many different things to attempt to break through, but guess what, no luck yet! Sometimes I feel like my body says, "No, you will remain at this body weight because that is just how it's gotta be". I jump up the intensity of my workouts and guess what...nothing. WHY am I struggling? I refuse to buy cigs cuz they are pointless, but let us drink socially and I'll be the first to bum one off of one of my friends. WHY? I guess it's the association of alcohol and cigs that drives that. NOW I am struggling.

My hubby doesn't eat the same way I do and that is because he doesn't like veggies (except corn). That I have learned to get over but struggle with whats cheaper and easy for me during my week at work. I have cheated myself with "cheating" on the weekends...not drinking at least 8 cups of water, eating my veggies (4 a day) etc. WHY? Heck if I know!

I have jumped from Turbo Jam, to P90x, to Jillian Michael's, to more TJ & P90X. I started walking again trying to work up to running but guess what? I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I decided that I'd try Jillian to change things up, but the 30 day shred isn't what I'd thought it would be. Push come to shove I need someone there to walk me thru a workout so that is why I choose to workout at home. Plus, the gym is about 15 min away & it saves us money (hubby is finishing school). I think to myself, "maybe you need to change up your routine? Maybe I need to start eating a variety of different things?" I will say I can go a long time with eating the same exact thing without hesitation. But NOW I am struggling.

I've always been between 150-160 lbs and I don't really like that. I can into a size 8 depending on the brand but to me, I still feel fat. I think what really started it was when I went to the Dr. I just knew I was much lighter than 160 lbs because I had done SO good the last yr. WHATEVER. I am now 155...ugh, how frustrating! I don't like to weigh myself & this is the reason....my clothes fit better but guess what honey, your not going to get lower than 150....my body says no. WHY? The only time I have been in what I would like to call my ideal weight (for my height) was when I took the updated version of Phen, Phen.....that stuff if AWFUL for you by the way! That was about 6 yrs ago and guess what, I was where I wanted to be (weight & size wise) 145 lbs. But I wasn't healthy and once my kidneys started hurting I stopped taking it. I think it took me 4 months to get to that weight but of course, once I stopped I was back up to 160.

I got on SP recipes and found a good potato soup recipe that serves up to 15, so I want to attempt the freezing of food to save for lunches during the week. Maybe that will help?

Sometimes I don't feel like exercising but I do it anyways. Sometimes I don't want to eat right but I do it. I need to see better results for myself or I will just stop all together & develop all those bad habits again. Which is something I DO NOT want to do. WHY am I struggling? It's only 15-20 lbs. Not 50 or 100 but 15-20! My husband of course supports whatever I want to do and that is awesome. What kept me so motivated before? The wedding?

We talked about having a baby within the next yr or two and I think to myself, "I want to remain healthy for our child" but why doesn't that seem to be enough for me right now? I mean if you put a cig in front of me, I'd smoke it. If you put a snack size snickers in front of me, I'd eat it (and so on). But I wouldn't feel guilty about it, I'd just tell myself to not do it again...for awhile. Have I gotten too comfortable? WHY am I struggling?

*sigh*
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • EMBERMADISON
    Wow! I hope you feel better after venting a little! We all need to just spill it sometimes. Take a deep breathe now and refocus. First off, congratulations on kicking the cigs...that isn't easy to do. I will admit, I still will bum one off friends if we are out drinking...they do go hand in hand. However, I would never tell my husband I do that or smoke again at home because of the kiddos. In fact, I think that if I hadn't gotten pregnant 3 mths after quiting back when I was in school, I probably would have picked it back up again eventually. Sometimes finding the right reason to do things is all it takes if you don't have a strong enough mindframe of your own. I am one of those people. I need to find VERY VERY good reasons to do things...or I cheat. I think knowing yourself and how you do/react to things is very important. Finding something to help you not do those things is key. I just started P90X last week, it is not too late to join in if you want!

    It is hard to lose those last 10-15lbs. You are pretty much at the same place I am. Right now I am 169, but those last 9 pounds will come off relatively easy (or at least they have after the other three kiddos) My body likes to settle at 160 and the lowest I had ever been able to get on dieting/cardio alone was 155. So once I hit 160 I am going to have to be extremely diligent with my eating & exercising in order to get to my goal of 145. I actually hit that goal using ChaLEAN Extreme last year, so I assume that I will be able to do it with P90X as well, but we will see. You really shouldn't focus on the scale. If you can fit into an 8, that is good! At 160 I am a solid 12 and can not go any lower (no matter what brand). Your scale is saying 155, but it has got to be lean muscle mass. It is going to take time, patience and coordinated effort, BUT you CAN do it. And I must say, one more time, AWESOME on getting rid of the Cigs!
    2774 days ago
  • GINGERVISTA
    Good job on giving up the cancer sticks! emoticon
    Hey! Don’t be so hard on yourself......different strokes for different folks. Some people--like you--enjoy the treadmill, while I despise it & ONLY run outside.
    You don’t like exercising sometimes & have to force yourself? Well, Honey, join the club!
    Until or unless we get to a place (I’m 90% there) that you WANT to exercise, knowing how great you’ll feel & how good you’re going to look down the road......people just quit. And I should know.....I spent 40 years doing just that. Fortunately, my daughter who’ll be 28 in Feb, has been my role model & inspiration. She’s ALWAYS been a healthy weight (probably because she didn’t want to end up out of shape & overweight like her mother), ran the Chicago Marathon when she was 20 & still runs almost every day (or goes to the gym). We’re planning on doing our second Tarrapin 5K in Chicago next spring & doing a mini-tri in the summer.
    emoticon About 3 months ago I began the C25K (couch to 5K) program, downloading the podcasts & running 3x/week, starting with 20 minutes of 60 seconds of running, 90 second walk, etc. I completed it a few weeks ago & add to the maximum of 30 min. every week or so & am now running 32 min. And I’ll be 60 in 2 weeks, so if I can do it, then ANYBODY can! http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podca
    sts/page4/files/category-7.html

    I had been vegetarian for 15 years when about 8 years ago I added back fish & seafood, have been cooking for only one person--ME--for the past 8 years, I use mostly SP recipes & ALWAYS make enough for leftovers, mostly soups but maybe a quiche http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/reci
    pe_details.asp?nutrition_id=928
    9784 plus have a killer recipe for veggie chili plus cornbread http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/reci
    pe-detail.asp?recipe=153016
    The main thing is......even tho’ I fought it for 2 years, I now track my food on SP nutrition tracker each & every day & usually by mid-day I’ve posted everything I know I’m going to eat. The key is to post my foods BEFORE I eat them, so I can make adjustments if I need more or less calories, fat, etc. Since I’ve been doing that, a week doesn’t go by where I don’t lose at least SOMETHING--usually 1-2#.
    Another key item is find exercise you enjoy (altho’ you might not like ANYTHING at first, if you’re anything like the rest of us). I run 3x/week, strength train 3x a week, usually walking on those days plus a 7th day as well.
    I bought The Spark emoticon & actually started DOING the things recommended: starting small (only exercised/walked 10 min. at first), so.......
    I’ve rambled on MORE than enough.
    All I know is, I only WISH I’d discovered SP before I’d had my kids--first one being when I was 29--so you are SOOOOOOO fortunate to have found it at your age.
    Good luck. emoticon
    2776 days ago
  • BERRY4
    Don't know if you are into book reading?? But Tom Venuto's book, "The Body Fat Solution" spends at least half the book discussing our mind sets & the faulty things we believe or think on. (I'm reading & rereading & still working to apply his helpful suggestions.) Amazon.com has it for less than $15 & I've seen it on ebay. I highly recommend it for long term changes.

    For me the battlefield is in my mind!!! In Sept. when I tried to break a plateau, I needed to do a one week restricted menu plan to get my body to listen & start dropping again. But here I am & the holidays coming & winter & dark & rain (hear my whining & excuses!?!), and I want to snack on junk & I'm making food all the time for 3 males (2 teens) in my house, and I don't eat as they do. So as to being around food, it is REALLY HARD to resist constantly.

    Don't know if I'm helping here or not, but it IS a process & a journey. Hang in there & keep facing forward. You can do it...a little at a time. AND, one of the great things is if you can focus on the benefit for your heath long term for making good food choices (me too!).

    emoticon emoticon
    2776 days ago
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