Saturday, November 13, 2010
This will probably sound like the winiest, most negative blog I have wrote....but here it goes!
Last April I found SP and was excited about starting a healthy lifestyle change. I struggled with it at first but put good habits into place. I started exercising and didn't really set goals but knew I had to start somewhere. I got the good habits down pat and didn't pay much attention to the scale because I get SO frustrated when I weigh myself. I was far from perfect but understood that logging food and fitness was what held me accountable for everything I was trying for. Again, still didn't set any major goals.
This last April I FINALLY quit smoking (after almost 10 yrs) and wanted to try to get into running. Well needless to say that didn't happen because somewhere in the back of my mind, I despise running outside. Give me a treadmill and I'll do it all day. Why? Heck if I know!
My soon to be husband and I had planned to get married in Hawaii and I was determined to stick to at least one goal I had set for myself....to look awesome in my wedding dress! We both kicked the habit (him starting in Jan.) and I knew it was time. Plus I wasn't about to go to Hawaii smoking since they are ridiculously expensive there (as anywhere else). That was 2 goals set and I was SO determined.
Now that we're married, I will be honest and say I have slacked off. I still set mini goals like I want to lose 10 pounds by Dec. etc. NOW I am struggling. I work nights so I do workout during the day before work. That is great but I am in such a plateau I think I could vomit. This plateau has lasted since August and I have tried many different things to attempt to break through, but guess what, no luck yet! Sometimes I feel like my body says, "No, you will remain at this body weight because that is just how it's gotta be". I jump up the intensity of my workouts and guess what...nothing. WHY am I struggling? I refuse to buy cigs cuz they are pointless, but let us drink socially and I'll be the first to bum one off of one of my friends. WHY? I guess it's the association of alcohol and cigs that drives that. NOW I am struggling.
My hubby doesn't eat the same way I do and that is because he doesn't like veggies (except corn). That I have learned to get over but struggle with whats cheaper and easy for me during my week at work. I have cheated myself with "cheating" on the weekends...not drinking at least 8 cups of water, eating my veggies (4 a day) etc. WHY? Heck if I know!
I have jumped from Turbo Jam, to P90x, to Jillian Michael's, to more TJ & P90X. I started walking again trying to work up to running but guess what? I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I decided that I'd try Jillian to change things up, but the 30 day shred isn't what I'd thought it would be. Push come to shove I need someone there to walk me thru a workout so that is why I choose to workout at home. Plus, the gym is about 15 min away & it saves us money (hubby is finishing school). I think to myself, "maybe you need to change up your routine? Maybe I need to start eating a variety of different things?" I will say I can go a long time with eating the same exact thing without hesitation. But NOW I am struggling.
I've always been between 150-160 lbs and I don't really like that. I can into a size 8 depending on the brand but to me, I still feel fat. I think what really started it was when I went to the Dr. I just knew I was much lighter than 160 lbs because I had done SO good the last yr. WHATEVER. I am now 155...ugh, how frustrating! I don't like to weigh myself & this is the reason....my clothes fit better but guess what honey, your not going to get lower than 150....my body says no. WHY? The only time I have been in what I would like to call my ideal weight (for my height) was when I took the updated version of Phen, Phen.....that stuff if AWFUL for you by the way! That was about 6 yrs ago and guess what, I was where I wanted to be (weight & size wise) 145 lbs. But I wasn't healthy and once my kidneys started hurting I stopped taking it. I think it took me 4 months to get to that weight but of course, once I stopped I was back up to 160.
I got on SP recipes and found a good potato soup recipe that serves up to 15, so I want to attempt the freezing of food to save for lunches during the week. Maybe that will help?
Sometimes I don't feel like exercising but I do it anyways. Sometimes I don't want to eat right but I do it. I need to see better results for myself or I will just stop all together & develop all those bad habits again. Which is something I DO NOT want to do. WHY am I struggling? It's only 15-20 lbs. Not 50 or 100 but 15-20! My husband of course supports whatever I want to do and that is awesome. What kept me so motivated before? The wedding?
We talked about having a baby within the next yr or two and I think to myself, "I want to remain healthy for our child" but why doesn't that seem to be enough for me right now? I mean if you put a cig in front of me, I'd smoke it. If you put a snack size snickers in front of me, I'd eat it (and so on). But I wouldn't feel guilty about it, I'd just tell myself to not do it again...for awhile. Have I gotten too comfortable? WHY am I struggling?