These past few weeks on Spark People I've come to the conclusion that I have absolutely no ability to look at myself in the mirror and judge my level of "looking heavier than I should." Absolutely no ability AT ALL.
Honestly, it feels pretty pathetic.
With ALL the care I'm putting into watching my food and picking healthy choices, limiting portion size on splurge items, working in cardio, strength, stretching, I'm ALWAYS looking to see if its helping at all.
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking better, sometimes I feel like I may have gone backwards a bit, but I seem to be NEVER right about how I'm actually doing.
Again, thank the good Lord for the measurement trackers so I can put in ACTUAL numbers and see how they ACTUALLY stack up.
To be fair, even when I was gaining weight, I never really thought I looked that different until I saw various PHOTOS along the way (and again couldn't button my "NEW" LARGER pants, of course). Seeing with MY OWN EYES didn't ever really happen for me.
And it's the same now when my measurements show I'm going in the right direction.
I have no idea what that says about me, that I can't trust myself to see myself.
To be fair, I'm not losing at the same rate everywhere, some weeks my abdomen gets a bit smaller and not my waist, some weeks its my waist but not my arms, and so on, so things aren't always sticking out the same at one time or the other, but REALLY, you'd think I'd have a better clue anyway.
I guess everyone's read or heard about eating disorders and how people with them have distorted body images and see themselves in ways that they aren't. I'm beginning to wonder if that's really so unique to the disorder or if it's more about what they do about it?
I'm DEDICATED to going by my MEASUREMENTS (inches, pounds, etc.) and not how I think I look day to day. If nothing else, it seems SAFER for me to do that. My GOAL WEIGHT is one I've been in the past when I was FIT and HEALTHY and is safely within the normal BMI range.
But YIKES, it's pretty disconcerting to realize I don't really see myself very well.