KATJAKAT

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I can't seem to judge my weight at all.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

emoticon These past few weeks on Spark People I've come to the conclusion that I have absolutely no ability to look at myself in the mirror and judge my level of "looking heavier than I should." Absolutely no ability AT ALL.

Honestly, it feels pretty pathetic.

With ALL the care I'm putting into watching my food and picking healthy choices, limiting portion size on splurge items, working in cardio, strength, stretching, I'm ALWAYS looking to see if its helping at all.

Sometimes I feel like I'm looking better, sometimes I feel like I may have gone backwards a bit, but I seem to be NEVER right about how I'm actually doing.

Again, thank the good Lord for the measurement trackers so I can put in ACTUAL numbers and see how they ACTUALLY stack up.

To be fair, even when I was gaining weight, I never really thought I looked that different until I saw various PHOTOS along the way (and again couldn't button my "NEW" LARGER pants, of course). Seeing with MY OWN EYES didn't ever really happen for me.

And it's the same now when my measurements show I'm going in the right direction.

I have no idea what that says about me, that I can't trust myself to see myself.

To be fair, I'm not losing at the same rate everywhere, some weeks my abdomen gets a bit smaller and not my waist, some weeks its my waist but not my arms, and so on, so things aren't always sticking out the same at one time or the other, but REALLY, you'd think I'd have a better clue anyway.

I guess everyone's read or heard about eating disorders and how people with them have distorted body images and see themselves in ways that they aren't. I'm beginning to wonder if that's really so unique to the disorder or if it's more about what they do about it?

I'm DEDICATED to going by my MEASUREMENTS (inches, pounds, etc.) and not how I think I look day to day. If nothing else, it seems SAFER for me to do that. My GOAL WEIGHT is one I've been in the past when I was FIT and HEALTHY and is safely within the normal BMI range.

But YIKES, it's pretty disconcerting to realize I don't really see myself very well.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KATJAKAT
    OK, normal--normal is good! :)

    Thanks for the words of support--I feel like I'm in some strange country without a map a lot of the time with this stuff--so good not to be in it alone!
    3813 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1951302
    Well, the charts can be very helpful, yet they can also be deceiving for an INDIVIDUAL!

    I am above the charts for a normal weight for my height. Yet I have lost height as I have gotten older -- evidently I have good bone density from the tests, but the cartilage in my spine has compacted. Also, when I last weighed what the charts said I should weigh, I almost died and the doctors and nutritionist wanted me to gain weight. So now I am in a good range even though it is higher than the charts recommend.

    The body measurements are sorta tricky too. I have lost inches since I started SP 3 years ago, yet my "waist" measurement has increased lately. Probably because I don't really have a normal waist anymore, with my ostomy device in the way, plus the repair on the hernia is slightly stretching as the doctor said it might.

    I suggest you visit your doctor at some point, one that you know really has kept up with you as a person and individual. Ask him for some guidelines.
    3814 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2587199
    You know, you aren't the only one who sees yourself differently without the measurement tools you were talking about. I have had the same issue. I can look in the mirror one day and think, "I am starting to trim down" while the next time I can think, "Wow, I need to lose weight." Just keep following your measurement tools and you will be fine. BTW, when I was at my lowest weight, I thought I needed to lose more weight, so I can relate to those who have eating disorders and the distortion they see in the mirror. Best wishes on your journey, you can do it!
    3814 days ago
  • ESPERANZA80
    Great post! Since my realization that I'm about 20lbs heavier than I thought I was, I am taking my own perceptions of my weight with a grain of salt. It's great that you're using the tools available to you like the tracking to avoid the jedi mind tricks our self-perception throws at us. One of my favorite secrets to success that I saw here on SP is to be kind to myself with my thoughts and sort of like replacing a junk food snack with something healthy, making an effort to replace self-depreciating thoughts with healthy ones. Great work, K!
    3814 days ago
  • ARTSY_CANDICE
    I took a few psychology classes and it is totally normal for us not to see the changes like an outsider might. My instructor talked about how so many people gain weight and dont see it until that one pictures makes then freak out and see it for the first time. They say it takes around 6 months for your brain to catch up to reality. Unfortunately it works going both ways.

    You might want to try putting a couple of pieces of tape on the ground to mark where to stand and where to put the camera that way you can make each one in the exact same spot (makes it easier to compare) and sit and look at some before and after shots.

    You are doing great and you are normal :) Dont worry your eyes will catch up eventually! Just look to other things for motivation when you start feeling bummed that you cant see it yet. Like buttoning those jeans with ease and going up stairs without getting winded! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3814 days ago
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