Monday, November 08, 2010
I had a realization yesterday and it made me sad. 9 1/2 months ago i committed myself to losing weight and raising money for breast cancer in memory of my mom who I lost 14 years ago when I was 18 years old. In fact it will be 14 years on the 21st of this month, In the 9 1/2 months since I made that commitment I have failed miserably. I have lost some weight and gained some weight. Lost some weight and gained some weight. I had friends and family commit to donating money to funds in her honor to help fight a disease that took her from me. Instead of being healthier myself and raising the money I could have, I fell flat on my face. FAILURE whispered in my ear for months reminding me that fail is exactly what i was going to do. And I let it win. Here is sit feeling defeated and more than ever feeling this is a fight I cannot win. I am struggling to believe I can and I am struggling to understand why I chose to fail. I am exhausted in every way.
I know I am better than this and I know I have the strength to overcome it. I just can't seem to get my head and my heart on the same page.