Saturday, November 06, 2010
Things have been a little harder since around the end of September and definitely through October. The same thing happened last October, though I couldn't tell you if it was for the same reason. I know this year it seemed to coincide with the cooler weather and less sunlight. I live in Maine and my body started telling me it's time to eat and then hibernate. Despite that, I've been holding my own...until just before Halloween. My cutie-pie baby girl was all excited about Halloween and wanted to put the candy we bought into the bowls right away. Well, I let her. So the bags were opened probably a week before Halloween. The peanut butter cups were too much temptation for me, and I dipped into them on a near-daily basis. But that alone wasn't the problem. It was the constant desire to eat, and the comeback of the feeling of wanting to eat when I was feeling blue. Then one day I hit bottom. And even now I can't quite say if I suffered a terrible loss, or won an important victory.
My desire for soda, specifically Mountain Dew, came back with a vengeance. Only the law of inertia kept me from drinking it. I have gone so long without that it seems like a real shame to have to start the counter over again. Of course, realistically, if I'd had even one I might have completely fallen apart. That still upsets me, that I cannot have control over that and include it in my life on a limited basis. At this point in time, it's just not possible. It always starts out innocently enough, but snowballs into something uncontrollable. Instead I ate peanut butter cups. Funny thing is, as much as I love them and I ate too many, it's not my addiction and I don't walk around every day craving them. I'm all done with them now, and it's no big deal.
And as it turns out, I think some of last week's trouble was lovely PMS because things have suddenly become smoother the past couple of days and I am not snacky all the time and craving constant sweets.
But I was surprised (in a bad way) by how I suddenly wanted to turn to food during a bad mood. (Sigh...hormones are my enemy!)
It helped, too, that Wednesday and Thursday we had a break in the weather and saw a little sunshine. Wednesday in particular was pleasant, and baby and I went to the playground for a while. It felt so good to be playing outside again. And when she took her nap I moved some firewood from our stack down back in the yard up to our porch for the fireplace this winter, so I got in some good physical activity there. It's back to being rainy again, but somehow we'll keep moving and having fun.
Oh, and I have wanted to post this for several days, but I'm struggling between spending more time on SparkPeople and meeting my goal of getting 8 hours of sleep. Right now it's 12:30 and I will probably end up with somewhere between 6 1/2 to 7 1/2 hours. I hate not being a little more social here, but I need to cut myself off at night and make myself go to bed. While I cannot say I'm doing great, I have made a real effort this week and had four different nights of 8 hours! That's darn good for me.
So, if you do stop by and say hi, please be patient with me. I appreciate everyone's support so much, and I try very hard to get back to everyone in a reasonable amount of time, but it's usually not immediate. I do love hearing from everyone, so please don't think that I don't care or take you all for granted!