Recent Struggles

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Things have been a little harder since around the end of September and definitely through October. The same thing happened last October, though I couldn't tell you if it was for the same reason. I know this year it seemed to coincide with the cooler weather and less sunlight. I live in Maine and my body started telling me it's time to eat and then hibernate. Despite that, I've been holding my own...until just before Halloween. My cutie-pie baby girl was all excited about Halloween and wanted to put the candy we bought into the bowls right away. Well, I let her. So the bags were opened probably a week before Halloween. The peanut butter cups were too much temptation for me, and I dipped into them on a near-daily basis. But that alone wasn't the problem. It was the constant desire to eat, and the comeback of the feeling of wanting to eat when I was feeling blue. Then one day I hit bottom. And even now I can't quite say if I suffered a terrible loss, or won an important victory.

My desire for soda, specifically Mountain Dew, came back with a vengeance. Only the law of inertia kept me from drinking it. I have gone so long without that it seems like a real shame to have to start the counter over again. Of course, realistically, if I'd had even one I might have completely fallen apart. That still upsets me, that I cannot have control over that and include it in my life on a limited basis. At this point in time, it's just not possible. It always starts out innocently enough, but snowballs into something uncontrollable. Instead I ate peanut butter cups. Funny thing is, as much as I love them and I ate too many, it's not my addiction and I don't walk around every day craving them. I'm all done with them now, and it's no big deal.

And as it turns out, I think some of last week's trouble was lovely PMS because things have suddenly become smoother the past couple of days and I am not snacky all the time and craving constant sweets.

But I was surprised (in a bad way) by how I suddenly wanted to turn to food during a bad mood. (Sigh...hormones are my enemy!)

It helped, too, that Wednesday and Thursday we had a break in the weather and saw a little sunshine. Wednesday in particular was pleasant, and baby and I went to the playground for a while. It felt so good to be playing outside again. And when she took her nap I moved some firewood from our stack down back in the yard up to our porch for the fireplace this winter, so I got in some good physical activity there. It's back to being rainy again, but somehow we'll keep moving and having fun.

Oh, and I have wanted to post this for several days, but I'm struggling between spending more time on SparkPeople and meeting my goal of getting 8 hours of sleep. Right now it's 12:30 and I will probably end up with somewhere between 6 1/2 to 7 1/2 hours. I hate not being a little more social here, but I need to cut myself off at night and make myself go to bed. While I cannot say I'm doing great, I have made a real effort this week and had four different nights of 8 hours! That's darn good for me.

So, if you do stop by and say hi, please be patient with me. I appreciate everyone's support so much, and I try very hard to get back to everyone in a reasonable amount of time, but it's usually not immediate. I do love hearing from everyone, so please don't think that I don't care or take you all for granted!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Please always remember that you never alone in this, along wtih not being the only one who has these same thoughts, feelings and actions. I can hear myself in much of what you are saying. I live in Michigan, so I can relate to the whole hibernation kind of thing:) My thought would be to take a look again at your 'spark streaks' and maybe tweak them a little bit. Like at least getting all of your water in, or getting your 8 hours of sleep. Start small........... Even if you still drink the Mountain Dew, if you at least got your eight glasses of water in, maybe you'll drink less of the other stuff.
    Always remember that we are all here for you, even if we all can't be at the computer:)
    3722 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5707126
    emoticon You are doing great and such fortitude! emoticon on getting through the rough time with just some peanut butter cups. I admire you for sticking with your program!
    3724 days ago
    emoticon on the victories you have Mt. Dew! YA! 4 nights of 8 hours sleep! Celebrate your successes.

    I too struggle with emotional eating, so I can relate to the Halloween candy issue. I had a run in with the candy dish myself. This time of year can be many Holidays, so many treats, and also stress. Take it one day at a time! You will get there!
    3725 days ago
    I am very proud of you for avoiding the Mountain Dew. I am sorry you have had a rough time lately. You are moving in the right direction though. The shorter days are hard though, you are right. It is much harder for me to find the motivation to get to the gym each night when it is pitch black outside and cold. As for food, I want to eat warm cozy foods. Hang in there. You can do this.

    It is great that you are working on the more sleep aspect. I feel rotten without a good nights sleep, it makes everything harder through out the day.

    I hope things get easier. Have a great weekend!

    3725 days ago
    Everyone will tell you that it is harder in the winter with the shorter days and more darkness-my mother is a shrink. You have to do the best you can and not be so hard on yourself. You can make this work. If you know this is something that happens to you every year, be prepared for it and don't let it derail you again. emoticon

    As far as the soda and candy, I think a lot of us fell off the horse, but we have to get back on. All of this is part of life and we have to learn to deal with it! emoticon
    3725 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/6/2010 1:35:43 AM
  • no profile photo CD5217955
    I am focusing on the same things--dealing with emotional eating. It's all about learning alternatives to temptation among other things.

    Be patient with me too about responding.

    3725 days ago
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