Thursday, November 04, 2010

These are the three words my therapist used to describe me during our session on Tuesday. Yes in a one hour session I was all of these things. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen her and these last few weeks have NOT been good for me. I went from being binge free for 36 days to binging almost every day and when I wasn’t binging I was eating whatever I wanted. Twix bar before dinner? Ok. Rice krispie bar after dinner? Why not. Should I do it all over again tomorrow? SURE.

So I got to my session and she asked me how things were going and I just talked…forever. And once I got done saying out loud what’s actually been going on in my life…I felt this huge weight lifted off of me. She helped me realize that over the past few weeks I’ve been feeling hopeless about several things in my life. And of course that carries over to my eating and when I have so many “bad” days in a row I feel hopeless about that too. Heck one wrong move and I felt hopeless with my eating. I felt SO much better after talking with her. It’s amazing how having a completely independent person from you life can put so much perspective on your life and your feelings. I left my session feeling like I had hope again. Feeling like I can tackle an urge to binge, I can make healthy choices, I can have healthy relationships in my life, I can be a confident woman, I can have a job I love…ok well I’m still working towards some of these but you get the idea. I heart my therapist so much. Except next time she wants to talk about my family..which I don’t want to talk about at all. So I’m sure I won’t heart her after that session. :)

So I’m a little behind on the November challenge and need to get caught up to speed…tomorrow. I haven’t “formally” made my personal goals but in my head I know what they are. And I haven’t tracked any points (although I love the idea, Christy you are brilliant) but I am going to download Shannon’s supernerdy spreadsheet tomorrow (which again I love, supernerd here) and start tracking as of Friday. So…I’ll just say I’ve informally been participating!

Oh and I started using the spark food tracker. Most of you know that I haven’t tracked calories for at least a year. Yes I tracked my food every day and tried to focus on a balanced meal plan but I had to take a step back from tracking calories. Anyways, I think I’m finally ready to tackle both. I really want to someday be able to only do a food journal the way I have been doing it, but at this point I probably need to be tracking my calories and I don’t think it’s going to restrict me or lead to binges.

A few personal things since I haven’t blogged for a while…Halloween party was a success and I had SO much fun! Yes I drank to much, probably didn’t eat enough (made up for that Sunday) but it was so worth it! I have a new roommate who moved in about two weeks ago. She’s awesome. I’m trying to continue to be more social to boost my confidence. Had dinner with Christy & her awesome friends last night, tonight I have a planned happy hour and then a late night happy hour, tomorrow night I have a date and I’m hoping to have a date on Saturday night but the guy and I keep playing phone tag. Oh and the “boy” that I have blogged about before. Him and I are still talking :) but none of these dates are with him cuz he’s in Vegas. I’m keeping my options open. OH..and I’m getting a massage tomorrow…VERY much looking forward to that. Ok..that’s all I got right now. I suppose I should do some more work…or waste some time on Spark..yes I think I’ll go with the later.

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  • ERMAC22
    Oh man, isn't it so funny how we can feel a billion things in such a short amount of time?! I do that sometimes and have to get a hold of my brain (in a nice way). Totally feel you! Glad you had a fun weekend - sounds like a lot going on! And massageeeeeeeee, so jealous!
    2754 days ago
    I am so happy that you are feeling so much better after talking with your therapist. Its definitely helpful to have someone on the "outside" to discuss our issues with! Your weekend sounds fantastic! Cant wait to hear all about the dates!!!!!
    2756 days ago
    I love this blog from you :)

    I'm sorry I missed your Halloween party, but there were a lot of good things that happened for me that weekend that ended up taking priority--including a dresser I snagged on Craigs List for $25 for Jeff and spending some quality time with family.

    2757 days ago
    I really love this blog! I'm glad you're blogging about seeing a therapist--it's a good reminder that for some of us, there are underlying issues that don't really have anything to do with food. I could probably benefit from seeing a therapist too, but to be honest, it scares the CRAP out of me! Plus I don't know if I have time (ok, maybe "want to make time" is more accurate) for it.

    Anyway, if you ever need to talk, please please please feel free to call me! I mean it. I think you and I probably have similar issues we're dealing with.

    The whole dating game is hard--I'm so glad you keep putting yourself out there!
    2758 days ago
    Your blogs remind me of mine. I'm glad you have boy stuff to talk about so I don't have to all the time!! HAHAHA.

    I've toyed with seeing a therapist in the past and I think they are such a great resource for ANYONE. Whether people think they "need" one or not. Casey says he looks at his as an incredible luxury that anyone should indulge in when they can, but should certainly take advantage of when they feel overwhelmed. I'm glad you have one that can really put things in perspective for you.

    I have recently started using the food tracker again after not using it for a long while and it's pretty amazing to feel the difference between then and now. Just listening to my body. Last night while that apple cobbler was sitting there taunting me I acutally asked myself if I was hungry, connected with the feeling in my stomach and thought Nope, I'm full! No apple cobbler for me! Craziness.
    2759 days ago
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