Self Esteem (or lack thereof)
Monday, November 01, 2010
Prior to joining (and actually using) SP, I used to put others before myself. My self esteem was so low (mainly because of my weight) that I relied on people liking me. So I started doing for others before myself, following behind people and not having an opinion of my own. I was so desperate for others to like me that I did what I could, often letting my "friends" walk over me. I was miserable living like this.
But NO MORE! I don't even know who that person is anymore. By joining and using SP, I have started to put my self before others, even friends and family. It feels good to focus on what I want and need and how I feel, rather than what others would think about me if I didn't say certain thing, or do a certain thing. In fact, I could care less. If people around me don't like me for me, I couldn't care any less. If I have to pretend to be something I'm not in order to have certain people around me, I DON'T NEED THEM! I love myself and I deserve to be happy. No one else is responsible for my happiness. I have to make it happen.
SP is filled with people who actually care about the well being of others. Even though I have never met and of my Spark Friends, and probably never will, it feels good to surround myself with positive people who encourage me to do my best. I heard a saying once that said, "some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I am cutting out the people who are not doing me any good. I finally realize that don't need extra baggage (negative people) to make it through life. I start law school next fall and I have friends (and i use that term loosely) who are not genuinely happy for me because their lives are going nowhere. I don't need these people. I AM HAPPY AND LOVING LIFE!
Just felt like venting! Hopefully, this helps anyone who is in the position that I was in, or knows someone who is. It is definitely NOT easy to develop self esteem. Some people used to have it, then met someone or someone who destroyed. Sometimes, when you gain weight, your self esteem diminishes. It's OK. A lot of people go through it. It's important to surround yourself with positive people. That may or may not include your family or the friends you have now. All that means is that it's time to find new ones. Be social. Do things you enjoy and you may meet new people who share your interests. It may be scary to venture into the unknown at first, but it is so worth it! I hope this helps someone out there!